Sweet Sacrifice
by CrystalBrooke
Summary: What's the solution when two werewolves imprint on the same girl? BradyxOC, SethxOC. M for language. "But she's my other half," I said, trying to make sense of everything. "She can't be yours too." Seth just gazed at me, drained, defeated, hopeless.
1. Easier To Run

Heyas. Well, this is my new one, which has taken over my mind. I really hope you like it - I've worked so hard on it. Don't worry - I'll be updating my other stories soon, just need the finishing touches to those, and I've a week off next week (yesss) so I'll have loads more time to write. Anyway, for now, enjoy this and please let me know what you think. Rated M, coz it's a bit dark, and plus Brady likes to curse a lot. ;)

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter One: Easier To Run**

_Something has been taken, from deep inside of me_

_A secret I've kept locked away, no one can ever see_

_Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away_

_Like moving pictures in my head, for years and years they've played..._

_It's easier to run_

* * *

**Nicole**

I had only one place in the whole world, where it actually felt like I belonged there. Anywhere else, I had to conform to what people wanted me to be, what people expected me to be. I always tried, even though I should have learned my lessons long ago. You see, nothing I did was ever good enough. I didn't have anywhere to belong.

Except here. 'Here' wasn't much; a tiny clearing, just within the boundaries of the forest. A small brook trickled by me, the calming sound of water adding to the simple sounds of the wind in the trees, and the music that flowed from my beloved guitar. I strummed it gently, letting the sound of my favourite song fill the air around me, letting me escape for a while.

I taught myself to play, and I liked to think I was pretty good. Music provided such a positive distraction from everything that was messed up in my life, and I always felt a tremendous relief when I could escape to here, my place, with my guitar. This was the only place where I wasn't judged for what I looked like, or how I acted, or for existing, generally.

I shouldn't have been born. I know that's a terribly dramatic statement, but it doesn't even upset me, because it's so _true_. I had been a mistake, an unwanted accident. That's why my real mother gave me away. She didn't want me. I was never supposed to have been born.

And even now, I couldn't see the point in my life. Every day, I was constantly criticised, constantly frowned upon, _constantly_ left out of everything, and every day consisted of me struggling by on my own. Because my adoptive parents didn't want me either.

You think that the title 'adoptive parents' _meant_ something. You'd think it meant that they loved me. You'd think it meant that they cared about me, about my future, about my thoughts and opinions and beliefs. You'd think it meant they wanted me around them. Legally, if not biologically, I was their _daughter_, and you'd think that meant _something_.

It has never meant anything.

They don't even know I can play the guitar. If I told them, they wouldn't care. I'm just that girl who lives in the house with them. They don't know me. They have never made any effort to know me. I've wondered countless, countless times why they even bothered adopting me. They've never showed any form of affection towards me. I don't think they even _like_ me. What were they even _thinking_?

I mean, they had Tyler, their biological son, their pride and joy… Had they really needed another child? Had they ever really needed, or wanted me?

No. They didn't want me. They didn't need me. They must have realised their mistake soon after adopting me, but they couldn't exactly bring me back, like I was some piece of clothing or a damaged CD. So they just never tried. I brought myself up, taught myself right from wrong, and learned that I've never been wanted by anyone.

I spent so many years _resenting_ them, _hating_ them fiercely, being so goddamn _angry_ with them. Surely I deserved to be loved and wanted? Surely any human being deserved love and affection from their parental figures? If my adoptive parents hadn't really wanted another child, why couldn't they have just left me alone? I could have been adopted into a family who had truly wanted a child, truly wanted _me_. Why did they have to take that away from me, only to provide me with an upbringing void of hugs and praise and attention? What had they hoped to achieve?

Well, they hurt me. They've royally screwed me up. I can't trust anyone now, because I can't trust that they really want or need me in their life. I will never believe it if they say it. I'm convinced I'm not the type of person anyone can love, anyone can want, anyone can need. I'm just someone who passes the time. I'm just someone to attach a label to. Daughter. Friend. Girlfriend.

They will label me, but it will never _mean_ anything.

My old boyfriends never treated me like I was worthy of their affection, either. They asked me out because of the way I look and the way I dress. I look interesting, I dress interesting. I'm the girl with the bright blue hair and the quirky clothes. She stands out. But those guys quickly found out how boring I am behind my appearance, and how horribly needy and clingy I can get, so desperate for reassurance, and they didn't like it. They never lasted more than a couple of weeks.

Yet I was always heartbroken, every time. And I cursed myself for thinking it would ever be any different.

I was screwed up. No wonder they never wanted me. I could never do relationships _right_.

And my friends… were not my friends. Every day I was surrounded by fake, material girls, who backstabbed and bitched and bullied and hated, because they were so insecure in themselves and jealous of other people. They only hung around with me because I drew attention to myself, and they wanted a little bit of attention too. I hung around with them, because occasionally they would compliment me or ask my opinion on something, and then I'd feel important. But they didn't really care.

I can't really explain why I dyed my hair blue and bought a load of unusual clothes. I just wanted to be taken notice of for once. I just wanted to remind everyone that I was still here, still breathing. I think I just craved attention, because I never received it. I wanted to know I was accepted, somewhere, somehow, even if it was just for that girl with the blue hair.

See how dysfunctional and complicated I am?

I don't know why I bothered, sometimes. I could be the most different person in the whole universe, the most interesting, the most unique, and yet still no one would pay any attention to me. It was obvious that I was going to spend all my life alone, never finding anywhere to fit in.

And the truly sad thing about that was the fact I had already kind of accepted this.

I was resigned to the fact that one would could possibly ever want me. I was just an awkward, inept, useless excuse for a sixteen year old girl. All I ever did was play my guitar, conform to that Nicole who everyone expected to see every day, and then daydream the rest of the hours away.

My daydreams were simple. Living on my own in a small town by a beach, far away from Forks. Busking at the side of a road with my guitar, earning barely anything, but loving it anyway. Having a simple, carefree life. Never needing to be anything other than who I was.

Just… anything but this.

I hated Forks. I hated the people. I hated who I was. I wanted to be somewhere else, and maybe find the real Nicole. I knew I sounded like such a cliché, but I never had any clichés in my life. Everything, everyone, was cold. I had to struggle so hard to find anything that would put a smile on my face.

Was it really too much to ask to have a reason to smile?

Obviously for me, it was. Some days I wondered why it had to be me, and what it was about me that had deserved to be left alone, unwanted and unloved. But I always remembered.

I wasn't supposed to have been born. In an ideal world, according to my real mother, according to my adoptive parents, according to my superficial friends and my one-dimensional ex-boyfriends, and even according to me, I shouldn't even exist.

* * *

**Brady**

My ears pricked in the direction of the familiar noise.

A guitar. What the fuck? Who is playing a guitar in the middle of the forest?

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. I'd seen and heard it all now. And I'd seen and heard some pretty weird shit.

I didn't have to investigate. I could just carry on with my patrolling and ignore it. But I was curious. And I was also critically bored.

Sam had stuck me patrolling with the younger wolves, and I felt like I was babysitting without being paid. And I had always hated children, anyway. Lee was messing around, as usual, and Heath and Josh were betting and racing each other, as usual. It was the same old story.

There was never anything interesting to _do_ anymore.

We'd made the truce with the vampires a year ago. Jacob's pack were pretty good friends with them, something I found slightly bemusing. Seth, one of my best friends, was good mates with one - Edward, I think his name was. Personally, I didn't know how he could be friends with the very reasons we were the way we were; I hadn't particularly wanted to be a giant wolf when I grew up. But you know, each to their own and whatever.

Sam was friendly enough with them, but other than that he kept us separate from Jacob's pack. I rarely got to see Seth anymore, which fucking sucked. But Collin and I did make the effort to go see him when we all got a chance. Sometimes I missed it, when we were all in the one pack, and everything was simpler. With two packs everything was a little bit fucked and confusing.

My pack was irritating me. Sam, Jared and Paul might as well be their own elite little gang. Just because they had all imprinted, and had some sort of _bond_. That meant it was just Collin and me a lot of the time. The other seven were all way too young when they transformed, all thanks to the army of assholes who came to visit us a year ago. So now we had seven thirteen to fifteen year olds running riot, all too tall and built for their ages. And they all came to me when they had a problem. What the _fuck_?

Well, I suppose I was better than nothing. Sam was too intimidating to them. Jared was always with Kim. Paul snapped too easily, and he was always with Rachel anyway. That fucking imprinting thing was so annoying, and _sappy_. I don't know why they didn't just go to Collin; he was a nice guy, he had feelings and shit. Tweens-R-Us thought I was 'cool', apparently, but I was shit for advice. I hadn't a clue what I was doing myself, half the time.

But whatever. Most of the younger guys were alright, and being inside their heads wasn't too much of a chore. They were all fairly innocent-minded, and for some reason I felt very protective of that. There was just so much shit in the world, and they didn't need to hear the thoughts of Sam, or me, who had already learnt _that_ lesson.

We had a girl in the pack too, Louise. She was struggling, getting used to being a wolf and having to cope with being inside the heads of all of us guys. Sometimes I thought maybe getting Leah to talk with her might help her out a bit, but I hadn't seen Leah in months, and I didn't really feel like seeking her out; we had never really gotten along.

I was the type of guy who blurted out stuff without thinking. Stuff I said always came out wrong. Plus, I was kind of an asshole sometimes, even I would admit that, and I swore too fucking much and any normal person would be instantly put off by me. But I wasn't about to change - to hell with that. The people who shared my head accepted me, and that was all I wanted.

Because I was bored, and had nothing else to think about, and was uninterested in hearing the thoughts of Lee and Heath and Josh and Karl as they all joked about, I followed the sound of the guitar. Whoever was playing it, played it well. 'Wonderwall', by Oasis. I couldn't hear any singing, but I recognised it nonetheless. My curiosity grew the closer I got to the sound of the music.

When I was a few feet away, I debated whether or not to transform. I didn't want to freak whoever it was out, if they heard me rustling around in the bushes. The last thing that the packs wanted was another bear alert or whatever the fuck, people traipsing up and down the woods searching for us. or for what they thought we were. It was just unnecessary hassle. We had enough on our hands anyway, trying to control the younger wolves, who seemed to like picking fights with their former bullies and almost transforming in front of their whole schools. Never a good idea.

I decided to transform, and I threw on the black sweats that I had had tied to my left back paw. I inched closer towards the music, listening. I could hear every individual strum. I could hear a brook. I could hear breathing, a heartbeat.

Through a small break in the trees, I could see the clearing. There was a girl, sitting cross-legged in the grass, the guitar balancing on her lap. She had long, bright blue hair. My eyebrows raised. Interesting. I could only see her profile, but she was pretty. She was small, thin, delicate. Long lashes, and her eyes were… baby blue, I thought. Her hair was striking; the more I stared at it, the more it appealed to me.

Maybe she was a rebel. Maybe she had been bored one day. I didn't fucking know. But I was interested.

Just so you know, I don't make a habit of chatting up random girls. Fuck that shit. No girl was going to want me, anyway, what with all my dazzling fucking _charm_. I had given up on dating, because this stupid, pathetic little part of me was waiting for my imprint.

I wasn't convinced it was going to happen for me. I didn't believe it would. But I still hoped. Sad, I know.

But looking at this girl, there was something about her that intrigued me.

Without thinking, I stepped out of the trees to approach her, forgetting that she had no idea I was there.

Seeing me in her peripheral vision, she jumped, the music stopping abruptly, and I heard her intake of breath. Her eyes locked with mine, wide with shock.

Oh, holy fucking _shit_.

That was my last sane thought.

Then my whole world just fucking flipped on me, so that everything keeping me grounded was up in the air, and I would have been left with nothing, if it wasn't for _her_. She was keeping me on the ground.

Because _she_ was my world.

* * *

**Nicole**

The silence in the clearing was very loud.

I had stopped playing, due to fright, mostly. This guy had appeared from absolutely nowhere, and he had stopped dead, staring at me.

I was a little unnerved.

There was a moment in which we both just stared at each other.

He was gorgeous. Tousled black hair. Bronze skin. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had the most amazing body - he had more muscles than I'm sure he knew what to do with. Everything about him was perfect. He was insanely hot.

But I stopped drooling over him, because I was confused. I began to feel a little wary. I wasn't sure if I should have felt afraid or not, but there was something about him that told me I had nothing to fear. I had always been a believer in following my gut instincts. It wasn't like I had anyone else to advise me, anyway, or save me.

I didn't feel afraid of him.

Maybe I should have been. No one knew, or even cared, that I was here, all alone, somewhere in the forest. This guy could be a psycho for all I knew. But I didn't feel afraid of him.

I was just unsure.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't find a single word. I didn't know what to say. So I closed it again, and waited. His expression was still frozen on his face; that amazed, surprised expression. It made me curious. He looked like he had found something that had been lost for ages. That was the only thing I could compare it to.

Eventually, he spoke.

"Hi," was all he said. He had a beautiful, deep, gravelly voice.

"Hi," I replied, unable to think of anything better to say.

There was another short silence, and then he began to walk towards me hesitantly. There was something mystical in the graceful way that he moved, and I was unable to tear my eyes away from this strange, beautiful apparition.

Because he couldn't be real.

If he was real, he would have stayed well away from me, sensed the train wreck that I was, just like everybody else.

But, to my shock, he sat on the grass next to me, his eyes never leaving my face. His hand reached towards me, almost automatically, as though it had intended to take my limp, forgotten hand, but he stopped himself quickly.

I was perplexed.

"You play really well," he said quietly, gesturing towards my old and beaten guitar, which sat loosely in my lap. "I heard you playing."

"Thank you," I said, and I gripped it tighter, strumming again nervously. The music softly filled the air around us and we both sat there, unspeaking. I didn't know what to say. I had no idea who this guy was, and where he had appeared from, yet I couldn't explain why I felt so comfortable with him, so _safe_.

The atmosphere shouldn't be this clear, this relaxed. We didn't even know each other.

I met his eyes, searching for answers, wishing I could somehow get inside his head and find out what he was thinking. He gazed back, his eyes intense and gravitational. I couldn't look away.

I was hypnotised.

I didn't understand any of it.

"What's your name?" he asked suddenly, and I thought I detected urgency in his tone. But I must have imagined it. Why would anyone want to know my name, let alone urgently?

"Nicole," I answered, and he smiled suddenly, stunning me.

"I'm Brady," he said, and I nodded, attempting to smile back.

We were quiet again, simply gazing at each other. I wondered how long this strange peace between us would last.

Because anything directly involved with me disintegrated into tiny little pieces.

Anything that touched me was forever tainted.

I didn't know how to warn this guy. He should know. He deserved to know, he deserved not to be lead on. Because once he knew the real Nicole, he wouldn't want her. No one wanted her, or needed her, or would ever love her, after all.

But a sick and selfish part of me didn't want to warn him. It was telling me to stay with him a little while longer. I didn't want to explore these feelings, and find out what this meant, because it scared me.

So I did what I do best.

I ran away.

* * *

**Brady**

I stared after her, not quite sure what the fuck just happened.

She got up. She ran away. Without saying a word.

I was just stumped, too shocked to unfreeze myself and try and follow her. I couldn't make my feet move.

I didn't understand why she had just left like that. Had I frightened her? I didn't _think_ so. I hadn't been able to detect any fear in her eyes, just uncertainty. Which was understandable. I wasn't quite sure what the fuck had happened myself.

I focussed my ears, needing to be able to hear her every footstep, her every breath, her every heartbeat, as she moved further and further away from me, because I couldn't bear to sit there without her. Her scent lingered with me, an ethereal reminder of her presence.

I listened to her heartbeat, and the sound of her breathing. The most significant sounds in my world.

I couldn't fucking believe it had happened to me. _Me_. I was probably the last werewolf in both packs who deserved an imprint. I never thought I'd be next, as much as that stupid, pathetic little part of me had wanted and wished for it.

Nicole.

She was perfect. She was amazing.

But I wasn't going to follow her, not today. She obviously needed space; I couldn't expect her to just fall into my waiting arms, as much as I really fucking wanted that.

There was something about her that triggered my protective instincts. Maybe it was because she was so small, so thin, so delicate. So breakable. But there was something else. Her eyes were haunted, and the depth or their uncertainty and doubts and lack of self-confidence had chilled me. She was so fucking _fragile_, and it was _killing_ me.

But it would work out. It was meant to be. _We_ were meant to be.

I just had to convince her that I would not break her. She could trust me. She could depend on me. And maybe, eventually, she could love me.

Tomorrow was going to be the start.

I would convince Nicole that it was OK, that _I_ was OK.

I would convince her to place all her faith in me, all her trust, and I would show her that I would never let it be broken.

I wasn't a good guy, all the time. I was a fucking idiot, I fucked up a lot, I bumbled my way around, I jumped to conclusions, I said things I wasn't supposed to say, I swore too much, sometimes I was grumpy for no reason, and basically I was an all around asshole. But I would do better than that, I would _be_ better than that. For Nicole.

Because she was my world.

And I'd make sure that she knew, and understood, and never doubted, that there would never be another time when she'd run away and I would not follow.

* * *

**Easier To Run - Linkin Park. **

**Thanks for reading! No Seth yet, I know, but soon.**

**Lurrve xox :D**


	2. My Heart

Thanks for reviewing! Enjoy...

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Two: My Heart**

_This heart_

_It beats_

_Beats for only you_

_My heart is yours_

* * *

**Brady**

I needed to talk to Sam.

I needed advice, I wanted to know what the fuck to expect. I really wanted to do this _right_, because if I did this wrong… I would never forgive myself. I couldn't do this wrong. It had to be right, it had to be perfect.

Nicole was the most important thing to me, _ever_, and I absolutely refused to let myself get it wrong.

My eyes flickered onto to something small, lying in the grass.

A guitar pick.

A smile slowly spread across my face. What a perfect excuse to see her again.

As if my original excuse wasn't good enough already. As if the fact that she was my other half and I could not live without her now that I had found her, wasn't a good enough excuse already.

I picked up the tiny object and examined it. It was pink, slightly bent, scratched lightly on one side. I wondered how many times she had used it. How many times she had lost it. How many songs she had composed using it, how many songs she had struggled to learn using it, how many songs she could play so well she barely had to think about it, using this guitar pick.

Theories flooded my mind, and it drove me crazy that I might never know the answer. I couldn't expect Nicole to answer such a precise question, and she would think me crazy anyway if I ever asked it. I had to content myself to just imagine.

For fuck's sake.

I had promised myself I wouldn't become a sap over this imprinting thing, if it ever happened, but it looked like I just couldn't fucking help it. Everything about her fascinated me, even if it was the smallest little thing about her, such as the story behind her guitar pick.

Sweet _Jesus_.

I hauled myself up off of the ground and quickly slipped off the sweats, transforming in the next second. Once I had them back in the pouch on my left back paw, I was running, tearing past the trees at an exhilarating speed towards Sam and Emily's house. The tweens were still in my head, and clamoured for my attention once they were aware something had changed.

_Whoa, what happened to you, Brady?? _Karl asked, even though he was already putting it together in his head.

_You imprinted!_ Josh was amazed.

_No shit, Sherlock,_ I thought dryly. It would only take an idiot not to see the complete change in everything inside my head; my perspective, my priorities, the minutiae that occupied my mind… everything had been replaced by Nicole. She was all that was in my head, and even now I couldn't stop thinking about her.

It was just like seeing nothing but Emily when intruding into Sam's head; seeing nothing but Kim when intruding into Jared's, and seeing nothing but Rachel when intruding into Paul's. They would be able to see nothing but Nicole now, in my head.

I don't know whether I hated that or whether it made me smug.

I mainly ignored the youngster's questions, too busy thinking about all the thoughts cramming themselves into my head at once.

I was actually excited about telling everyone. Didn't fucking expect _that_.

I was nervous though, because now, briefly hopefully, I was going to be in the centre of attention. I didn't like the spotlight. Guys like Paul the Drama Queen and Lee the Joker demanded the attention, revelled in it, but I ran like fuck in the opposite direction. I just didn't want to have all my thoughts analysed and my judgements questioned. I didn't want the interrogations.

I didn't want an audience if I were to fuck it all up.

I was excited about seeing Nicole again, tomorrow. I didn't know where I would find her, where she lived, where she hung out, so I would try and find her after Forks High School finished for the day. I didn't think I'd be able to miss her, what with her blue hair.

I smiled inwardly. Blue hair. There was something so endearing about it. I liked that my imprint was so different from the Elite Gang's. I had never been much into conformity, and having as my imprint a girl who obviously didn't try too hard to impress everyone was fucking awesome.

My mind flashed up a clear, vivid picture of her, a memory. Just of her sitting in the grass, holding her guitar, and smiling shyly at me. She was so perfect. The universe could not have picked a better other half for me; we were made for each other, just like two jigsaw pieces.

Uh oh. Sap alert.

The youngsters fell silent at this vivid picture, and I could hear them judging her, their first impressions forming in their heads. They couldn't control their thoughts, obviously, and I decided I didn't want to hear the different evaluations of her, because she was nothing less than perfect to me, and I did not want to hear anyone think of her as anything less than that. I blocked out all the voices in my head, and ran faster.

The faster I got to Sam's, the faster I could tell him and have it all out in the open. The faster I did that, the faster everyone would fucking get over it, and then I could concentrate on making Nicole happy.

To my annoyance, Josh, Heath and Karl were congregated outside Sam's house when I arrived, waiting for me. They must have run like hell to beat me here, and Sam would kill them for dossing off their duties. But, this was a special occasion, or whatever the fuck.

"The Bradester has arrived!" Josh said loudly, grinning at me. The other two Musketeers saluted me.

Josh and Heath were twin brothers, both of them baby-faced with wide smiles. They'd fit right into a boy band, no bother. They were usually the ones, along with Lee, who were causing all the trouble.

Karl, on the other hand, was boisterous almost to the point of excess. He hadn't had a good upbringing; his father was a drunk. He was a good guy, deep down, but his mind was a little troubled. Sometimes he wouldn't speak to anyone for days, but we had the unfortunate advantage of being able to hear his thoughts, so we always knew what was wrong with him. We left him alone, most of the time. His accusing glare was enough to tell us he was angry and wanted someone to blame for what was going on in his life, never mind the turbulent emotions swirling around in his head.

"You ole charmer," Heath joked, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes and walked past them. They followed me, like eager little puppies following the big dogs.

I don't know what the fucking big deal is. So I found my other half. So what?

_So_, we were all fucking waiting for this. None of us would ever be complete without our other halves. It was a _massive_ deal.

Ugh. Attention fucking sucks.

It was bad enough the tweens thought I was this 'cool' person that they could look up to, when really I was the worst candidate for the job. I avoided them when I could, mainly because I was an asshole like that, but I didn't know what they expected from me. They should go to Collin if they wanted peace of mind. I was just going to fuck them up more.

"What's going on?" Sam was surprised to see me waltz unconcernedly into his kitchen, with my little posse. A large plate of Emily's legendary muffins on the kitchen table distracted the tweens.

I knew why Sam was surprised. I didn't regularly make an effort to _visit_ people, unless there was a good reason. I was inside these guy's heads, and they were inside mine, and I figured that I didn't need anything more than that. I just liked to keep to myself, mostly. Well, keeping anything to myself was a lost cause, but whatever.

"Brady imprinted!" Josh announced through a full mouth, spraying us with crumbs.

I rolled my eyes. It was really fucking unnecessary to speak for me.

"Are you serious?" Sam said, his eyes wide.

I nodded.

I almost wished we weren't in our human forms, so that I could hear what he really thought of that. He had on his usual calm and serene, businesslike expression on his face. He smiled at me, and I just shrugged.

"Congratulations," he said. "Who is she?"

"She's called Nicole, and she's got blue hair, and she plays guitar, and she ran away from him," Heath intervened quickly before I could answer. I glared at him, and he stared at the floor and tried to hide behind Josh. He was just as strong as me, but I had gotten into a lot more fights, usually with Paul. He used to be so easy to wind up, until he met Rachel. Now he laughed everything off, which was seriously annoying, especially when I was in a bitch of a mood.

"I see," Sam said, frowning thoughtfully. "She ran away from you?"

I shrugged again. "Yeah."

The Tween Team seemed to know better than to speak for me again.

"Did you frighten her?"

"No."

"Did you tell her anything?"

"No."

Ha. Sam looked visibly pissed off with my monosyllabic and unhelpful answers. He should get over it. Next time we transformed, he'd get the whole story, and I was never a great public speaker anyway, preferring to communicate with shrugs and glares. That was just me. Fuck him if he didn't know that by now.

* * *

**Nicole**

When I got home, I cried.

Don't even bother trying to deduce why. I always cried. Anyone raised their voice, anyone even glared at me, and the tears started. The smallest thing could set me off, even the most ridiculous thing.

I had lost my lucky guitar pick. And I had run away from Brady.

And I was crying.

I would probably never see him again, and it hurt.

And I didn't know why.

Maybe I shouldn't have run from him. Maybe I should have given him a chance. I mean, I didn't want to leave; I was intrigued. He was fascinating. I wanted to know why, out of all the people he could have chosen, he chose to find me. I still wanted to know what he was thinking.

And I was crying, because now I'd probably never know.

Oh, it was pointless, I know. It would be best if I forgot about him, just pushed it into the back of my mind.

And get back to my life, my usual routines.

That thought just set me off even worse.

I had no idea, but for a few short seconds, I had thought that maybe Brady could save me.

Impossible. Pathetic. Stupid.

I know.

But I was always looking out for someone that could save me, because I was drowning, suffocating in this abyss of depression and indifference, and I needed a saviour. I didn't know how to save myself.

* * *

**Brady**

People were staring.

Maybe I should have put on a shirt, or something. But fuck it - I was too used to going without one now. They could stare at me all they wanted.

I was waiting for Nicole.

I felt like everyone was staring at me, and I felt a little creepy, loitering around outside her school. But this was the only place I knew where she'd be, and I had to see her. One more hour without her, and I'd be declared insane.

Her guitar pick was clenched gently in my large fist.

After five more minutes of seeing faces that all looked the same, all so ordinary they blended into one another, I saw _her_. She stood out for me, in more ways than one, a striking, sparkling beam of light when all around me was a bland grey. All I saw was her.

She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of her, her blue hair half covering her face. She held a pile of books in her arms, her schoolbag slung over her right shoulder. It looked fucking heavy.

I never made a point of checking out what girls were wearing, but Nicole really stood out amidst the jeans and t-shirts, dressed in a red and black polka dot dress. I thought she looked fucking amazing, but maybe I was biased. It irked me to see how no one really looked at her, noticed her, paid any attention to her. How could they walk past someone so fucking incredible and not even look her way?

What a bunch of assholes.

I walked over to her, a little hesitant. Would she even remember me?

"Hi," I said, when I was a few feet in front of her, and her head snapped up.

Her mouth fell open and her books tumbled to the ground.

Ah. So she did remember me. I hoped she didn't think I was stalking her.

Blushing a little, she bent down to pick them up, and I copied her. We both fumbled awkwardly, sorting them into piles as fast as we could. Some _bastard_ whacked me on the top of my head with his rucksack. I kept sneaking glances at her; she had hidden most of her face behind her curtain of hair, but I fucking swore that she was sneaking glances at me too.

I reached for a book at the same time she did, and our hands touched.

She jerked hers back, and I was afraid my burning temperature had startled her. She met my eyes, and we both just gazed at each other for a moment, forgetting we were kneeling on the ground, oblivious to the people who still walked past us.

Her eyes were gravitational to me; I found myself lost in them, drowning in them. They were all I knew in that moment.

There was no one else for me but her. No one.

My heart would beat for no one else.

Nicole broke the spell by looking away, flushing pink. She gathered up the rest of her books and stood up. I rose gracefully, surprised I wasn't falling over. She seriously took my fucking breath away.

I handed her the books I had managed to retrieve, and she threw me a grateful smile.

"Thanks," she said, and her voice, the soundtrack to my whole life, stunned me again.

"No problem," I said gruffly, and I just totally forgot my reason for showing up. All I could do was stare at her. She waited, but eventually her patience waned.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, looking up at me with confused eyes.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, and held out her guitar pick to her. Her eyes brightened and the corners of her mouth turned up.

"I thought I lost it," she said, and held out her hand. I dropped it lightly into her palm. Her eyes were a little shiny as she smiled up at me. "Thank you. You didn't have to."

"Yeah, I did," I said, and she dropped her gaze.

"Well, I have to go," she said quietly. "I don't want it to rain on me."

"Right," I said lamely, quickly glancing up at the sky. Overcast. Not unusual for Forks. She walked home? Well, I was going to fucking _walk_ her home. What the fuck kind of guy would I be if I didn't?

"I'll see you around?" she asked, and her eyes were hopeful.

I fucking loved that.

"No," I said, and her face fell just the slightest. But I knew that she was probably more hurt than she was letting on. I was the expert at not giving anything away, too. "I'm going to walk you home."

Her eyes widened.

"You don't have to -" she stuttered.

"Yeah, I do," I said, my tone final. She stared at me, and eventually nodded.

* * *

**Nicole**

At the back of my mind, I wondered whether or not I was crazy.

He could be a psycho. He could be a murderer.

But he wasn't. Don't ask me how I knew - I could feel it. And I always trusted my instincts.

I felt safe with him.

I didn't know why, but I did.

He insisted on carrying my bag and books.

I let him.

He walked beside me, and I let him.

Maybe I was crazy. Maybe he was crazy.

Maybe we were both crazy.

But I was sure of one thing. I didn't ever want this mysterious person to ever leave my life. I had known him for less than a day, but I was already so sure.

I always followed my gut instincts.

Maybe this was fate?

I didn't know. But I wanted to find out.

* * *

**Brady**

We talked about irrelevant things on the short walk to her house. She lived up a small hill, her large house hidden behind a wall of trees. I would never have picked that as Nicole's house. It didn't seem to me that a girl like her belonged in a place like this; surely she destined for something bigger? Better? Something that wasn't so… _cold_?

I noticed how her shoulders tensed, when we arrived at her house. She wasn't comfortable at home, yet she was so comfortable with me.

I didn't know what to make of that.

She wheeled to face me when we reached her front door. I wondered if she would invite me in. There was no one home; I couldn't hear anyone in the house.

"Thank you," was all she said, and held out her hands for her bag and her books. I gave them back, scrutinising her. Maybe I was fucking crazy, but I thought she looked upset. Oh shit. I racked my brains, trying to think if I did anything that might of upset her, but I couldn't think of anything.

"You're welcome," I said softly, and her baby blue eyes connected with mine once again.

"Why did you bother?" she asked me despondently.

"What?" I asked, confused, the fucking _sadness_ in her eyes just fucking _killing_ me.

"Why did you bother finding me, returning my guitar pick, walking me home? I mean, _why_? Why did you _bother_?"

I was annoyed and defensive. She was talking about herself all wrong, as though she wasn't worthy of any of it.

And I was going to be frank. For fuck's sake, the girl was amazing - why the fuck _wouldn't_ I bother?

"Because I _like_ you," I said, frustrated at the fact that the right words wouldn't come out of my mouth. _Like_ was too vague a word. But the words never came out right with me. And I could never take them back, and replace them with something better.

She shook her head at my words, not even considering them.

"No," she said. "You should go. I'm not the type of girl you want to get involved with." She exhaled loudly, glaring at the ground, and added something else so quietly that I wouldn't have heard it, if not for my excellent hearing. "I'm not the type of girl anyone wants."

"Then how come _I_ want you?" I demanded, before thinking.

Her eyes were bemused. Her desperate expression changed, and she frowned at me, assessing me. I could tell she didn't believe me. Maybe she wanted to. I wanted her to believe every word I said without question, but I knew it would take time.

But I just wanted to fucking _convince_ her.

I shouldn't have. I knew it was too much, too soon.

But I was a fucking idiot.

So I kissed her.

Her lips were frozen against mine, and every part of me panicked, but then she was kissing me back… everything else disappeared, until there was nothing but Nicole. Everything was Nicole. Her lips were so warm and soft and pliant and perfect and _right_ and I couldn't get enough, and it was better than running high-speed through the forest, better than steak and chips, better than Linkin Park live… it was the _best_.

Better than the best.

It was everything that I'd been waiting for.

She was everything.

She was worth everything, more than I could give her.

But then she ran away from me again.

She broke away from me, and escaped into her house. I stood outside, my head completely _fucked up_ from her kiss, her scent, _her_… and the fact that it was my fault. I had fucked it up.

It was too soon to be kissing her. She still didn't trust me. She still didn't know me. I had moved too fast. She was obviously not ready.

Fucking _hell_, Brady. Smooth.

I had to be able to make it right again.

I had to.

Because I couldn't stay away from her.

Not now.

Not ever.

* * *

**My Heart - Paramore.**

**Thanks for reading! Lurrve xox :D**


	3. Wonderwall

Thank you so much for reviewing - you're all so nice! Yeah, Seth will be along shortly - I just wanted to get Brady and Nicole's relationship established before all that drama starts. He might be in the next chapter though... anyway. enjoy!

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Three: Wonderwall**

_Maybe_

_You're going to be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall_

* * *

**Nicole**

I was crying again.

I was such a baby. I could never help the waterworks. I was so pathetic.

I was torn.

Torn between what I thought I should do, and what I _wanted_ to do.

I thought I should tell Brady to leave me alone, tell him I didn't want to see him anymore, tell him to find someone else who was prettier and who didn't have all these insecurity complexes, someone who wouldn't run away from him. Someone who would treat him better. Someone who wasn't me.

Why the hell did he like _me_?

What was possessing him? Was he insane? Did he not _see_ how screwed up I was? Could he not _tell_?

I kept running from him. I kept on trying to push him away.

When he appeared in front of me after school, I had nearly collapsed. There he was again, appearing from nowhere, surprising me, looking like the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen on earth, saying hi to _me_.

He couldn't be real. He had to be a fantasy of mine, something I had dreamed up.

Like an imaginary friend no one else could see.

I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. I was already insane, why not have invisible people that I talked to, and kissed, after all?

That kiss.

Oh my God.

I wasn't prepared for it, at all, but when it happened, I never wanted it to stop. I don't know what it was about Brady, but everything he did, everything he said… I _understood_. It was like I just _got_ him. He was totally fascinating me.

When he kissed me, I knew he was trying to convince me that he liked me. Because I hadn't believed him.

And when he kissed me, I knew it for sure. He kissed me so hungrily my stomach had clenched into knots; he held me so gently it almost broke my heart.

And I believed him.

And it terrified me.

So I ran.

I was sick of running away. Every time things got too scary and confusing and unknown for me, I ran. Countless times I had run away from home because Tyler frightened me again; countless times I had tried to escape Forks when everything got too overwhelming. But it was like I couldn't escape any of it. Anytime I tried to break away from here, I always came back.

I didn't want to come back, but I did. I didn't know what was keeping me here.

But would Brady wait for me to come back to him? Did he realise that this running away thing was only temporary? The kiss had been too overwhelming, the sudden explosion of feelings too confusing and scary, and I had needed to run. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay away from him for long, and I hoped he knew that.

I couldn't figure out what he had done, but he _had_ me.

And I had to convince him to let me go.

He was going to regret wanting me. Wanting me was _pointless_. I was a complete _failure_ of a human being. Anything I attempted was _never_ good enough for _anyone_, never reached even the lowest of standards. He was just going to be constantly disappointed in me every day, just like my parents. Soon he'd just give up altogether.

And that thought hurt.

The idea of not seeing Brady again _hurt_ me. And I knew why. Everything had been so dark, so empty, so _barren_… and then he had found me, and now everything had lit up, it was brighter, it looked a little more hopeful. I was at a complete loss as to what exactly he had done, but he had done _something_.

Something that _had_ me.

The tears stopped eventually, and I dried my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I wondered why he didn't see right through me, just like everyone else did. They could all see the waste of space, the waste of air, that I was. I didn't deserve to have anything as good as Brady, because I wasn't supposed to exist.

The people who were supposed to _exist_ were supposed to be blessed with guys like Brady. Not me.

I went to bed, wrapping myself up tightly in the duvet. I was still conflicted, my brain battling with my gut instincts, my heart.

What I thought I should do was to tell him to leave me alone.

But what I _wanted_ to do was tell him not to give up on me yet.

I wanted him to love me, despite everything.

I wanted him to finally tell me that maybe I wasn't a bad person after all, and that I did deserve to be loved and wanted and cherished and adored and _liked_.

But I felt it was too much to ask.

Too much to ask for anyone.

Either you were blessed with parents who cared about you, who loved you, who gave you hugs; either you were blessed with friends who cared about you and gave you advice and giggled about boys; either you were blessed with boyfriends who cared about you and loved you and wanted you.

Or you weren't.

I wasn't. I couldn't ask for it. It would be too selfish of me.

I wasn't supposed to exist, either, so I should just give up on myself.

Yet I didn't want Brady to give up on me.

I wanted him to chase me when I ran away.

I wanted him to save me.

I fell asleep uneasily, because I couldn't ask him to save a girl like me. I was already too deep in the water to be pulled out. I was drowning slowly.

Like I said before, Brady deserved someone better than me.

Someone who wasn't me.

But when I woke up, I was shocked to realise I was in a hopeful mood, a positive mood. I realised that I was looking forward to seeing Brady today.

Because I somehow knew he'd be there, somewhere, waiting for me. He'd find me for the third time.

And somehow I knew he'd always be looking for me, and that he'd always find me.

And even though my head screamed at me, my gut instincts told me that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing.

I wanted to follow my heart, this time.

My heart told me that maybe Brady was going to be the one to save me, and that I should give him the chance.

And I wouldn't run away again.

When I opened the front door, prepared to walk to school, Brady was standing outside waiting for me.

I smiled.

* * *

**Brady**

Immense relief.

She didn't mind that I was here. I was so afraid she was going to yell at me, tell me to leave her alone permanently, because I don't know what I would have done if she had said that to me.

Her smile was so beautiful.

Even more beautiful to me.

She walked over to me, her eyes warm and quietly curious.

"Hi," she said, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hi," I said, amused.

She came over all apologetic and embarrassed. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday-"

"It's OK," I said, cutting her off. Like I cared about _that_. I was just so glad she didn't hate me, and obviously wanted me here. If she didn't, she would have told me to go. I hated that a part of me was waiting around for her to say that, and destroy me.

She flashed me a small smile, which I returned, and without thinking about it, I threw my arm around her shoulders.

I tensed, thinking _shit_.

What if that was too much for her, once again? I knew it didn't compare to a kiss, but I didn't want to do anything that overstepped her boundaries.

But she didn't fucking react. At all. Like it wasn't the first time I had casually put my arm around her. Like it was something so natural that she was used to it.

Fucking hell.

A part of me was thinking that maybe we hadn't given either of us enough time to get used to this, get to know each other better. But the magnetic pull that I had towards her was too strong for me to ignore for long. I just wanted to be _with_ her, all the time. It was bad enough that she kept fucking running away from me, and I had to fucking wait for those long, agonising hours until I could see her again, because I knew I had to give her _space_.

So I was just going to spend all the time that I could with her, so that when she ran away again it wouldn't hurt so much.

We walked to school like that, my arm around her. It was the best feeling in the world. Neither of us said anything at all, because we didn't have to. I was just happy to enjoy the minutes I was spending with her, and I liked to think that she was feeling the same.

At the entrance to her school, I reluctantly let go of her.

Seven hours. Then I could see her again. Just seven hours, roughly.

But would she let me see her again?

Maybe I should check, just to be sure.

"Can I see you later?" I asked, and I tucked a lock of blue hair behind her ear, so that I could see her eyes. She looked up at me, and barely thought about her answer. The answer that made me so sickeningly happy I thought I was going to fucking implode.

"Yes."

* * *

**Wonderwall - Oasis**

**Thanks for reading! Lurrve xox**


	4. Savin' Me

Thank you to everyone reviewing - it means a lot! Sorry this one took ages, it's really longgg. But I hope you like it. I just want to mention wannabite007. Just because. lurrrve xox ;)

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Four: Savin' Me**

_Teach me wrong from right_

_And I__'__ll show you what I can be_

_Say it for me, say it to me_

_And I__'__ll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it__'__s worth saving me_

* * *

**Brady**

I left the school with a ridiculous goofy fucking grin on my face.

But I did not give a shit. I was _happy_. I never really had any reason to say that. Most of the time I was _content_, sometimes I was _satisfied_ with my life, but now I really knew what had been missing.

_This_.

Nicole.

Whatever it was that we had now was making my whole life.

Although, a part of me did wish it could be simpler, more defined. There were still some blurry lines, and I didn't know what we _were_. But I didn't care, if I was perfectly honest. We could sort out all that relationship shit later on. Right now, I was euphoric to simply be happy that she wanted to see me again.

Right. Reality and responsibilities were beckoning.

I couldn't care less about them.

But I couldn't spend every minute with Nicole, as much as I really fucking wanted to. I had to remember the pack, remember that I had the mundane and the mediocre in my life that I needed to attend to.

Ugh.

I headed to the forest, unable to stop thinking about Nicole. I was on automatic pilot, transforming without thinking about it, running without a direction. It was only when I heard my name that I snapped out of my Nicole-induced trance.

_Brady__…__ Am I talking to myself?_ It was Collin. I had told him about Nicole yesterday, and he had been quite pleased for me. He said it was about time someone had softened me up.

_Wouldn__'__t be the first time, would it?_ I joked.

_Shut up. So__…__ you__'__re well and truly infatuated with her, aren__'__t you?_

_Jealous?_

_Not at all__…_

_You__'__re jealous. Don__'__t deny it. I would be too._

Collin did the mental equivalent of a snort. _I _knew_ you would be one smug bastard about this! I just knew it! Tell me how I knew it!_

_Because your mom dropped you on your head when you were a baby and now you have psychic powers as a result?_

_Oh, hilarious. You really crack me up, Brady._ Heavy, heavy sarcasm.

I laughed, the noise coming out as a bark.

Collin was wistful. _I miss the old Brady. The grumpy one, the moody and antagonising one. Now I__'__m stuck with _you_ - Mr Lover Lover._

_Shut your face or I__'__ll shut it for you. Permanently!_ I snapped, annoyed and embarrassed.

_Now, _there's_ the Brady I know and love__…_

_Fag._

_Sap._

_Fuck off._

_Make me._

I rolled my eyes. This was Collin and me, in a nutshell. We basically just insulted each other constantly, but the friendship was rooted deep down. I'd known the guy forever; we even made our transformation to wolves at almost the same time. I had just assumed I had caught whatever bug he had picked up when we both started feeling weird.

Seth was our other lifelong buddy - we three had been very Musketeer-esque when we had all been in the one pack. It kind of sucked when he left us to join Jacob's vigilante pack, but that was the past now. We had dealt with it, and we were still good friends with him. We just rarely got to see him.

Collin heard all my thoughts of Seth.

_Do you want to go see him? _he suggested.

_Why not? _I said. _I have fuck all to do until Nicole gets out of school. Let__'__s go and see Seth._

I had left school the moment I found out I was a werewolf. It had never been for me, anyway. My parents had been disappointed, but I doubted they really cared what I did anymore. My parents and I didn't get along, and we figured it was just easier if we left each other alone and just did what we wanted.

_Can I come?_ Josh was curious and eager; I hadn't even registered him in my mind. The tweens had never really gotten introduced to Jacob's pack, and they were curious. But Josh meant Heath, and Heath meant Lee, and Lee meant Karl, and Karl meant Nathan, and Matt would tag along because he'd feel left out, and Louise would probably insist on going too, and then we might as well just call Sam and Jared and Paul, and get the whole freaking pack over to Seth's house for a fucking _party_.

_No_, I said bluntly.

_Don__'__t mind him, _Collin said nicely, sending annoyed vibes my way. _He__'__s just crazy in love, and a bastard to match. You can come if you want._

I sighed loudly.

_Nah, I__'__ve changed my mind,_ Josh said, a little less enthusiastic than he had been before. And I felt bad. _I think Lee wants to race me again anyway._

I had reached the clearing where Collin was waiting for me, and he threw me a glare. I shrugged my shoulders. The clay-coloured wolf just rolled his eyes at me, and whirled around, heading for the border. I fell into step next to him.

_Sorry. Tweens-R-Us aren__'__t really that bad. I__'__m just a bastard._

_Yeah, you really are. You__'__d want to be a bit nicer to them - they look up to you._

_And I can__'__t for the absolute life of me figure out why._

_That makes two of us. Hopefully maybe now that you__'__ve found your imprint, you__'__ll grow a heart._

_I already have a heart, for your information. Douche bag._

_Ha. Ha. Ha._

_Shut up._

* * *

**Nicole**

I thought about him all day in school.

If anyone paid the remotest bit of attention to me, they would have noticed how distracted I was. More distracted than usual, I should say. But no one paid any attention to me, so nobody noticed or cared.

I just couldn't stop thinking about him.

His smile. His eyes. His shiny black hair, which I longed to touch, and see if it was as soft as it looked. His fantastic body, and the fact he never bothered to wear a shirt. His laugh. His arm around my shoulders. Brady.

He fascinated me. He intrigued me. He surprised me, and amazed me, and everything about him _stunned_ me. He was just so out of this world, and it had been so long since someone had been interested in _me_, in talking to me, spending time with me, and every second that I was with him was like a dream.

I was trying to convince myself that he was a delusion.

I didn't want to listen to myself this time though. I always tried to talk myself out of going for the things I really wanted, because I believed I didn't deserve them.

I didn't want to talk myself out of seeing Brady. He _had_ me. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to wait and see what was going to happen between us. There was something that was just so _right_ with us, that just _clicked_ with us, and we didn't even have to try with each other, because I just _got_ him, and it was like he _understood_ me.

I didn't want to give up something that amazing.

I couldn't. I wouldn't exist anymore without him. I felt like I had been struggling for years, barely surviving, drowning in this horrible _blackness_, but now I had a lifeline. I had Brady. I barely knew him, but I somehow knew he was my lifeline, my saviour.

I had always been naïve and stupid.

After school, I expected him to be waiting for me. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be there, beautiful and mesmerising as usual, waiting for _me_.

So naïve and stupid.

He wasn't there. I looked through every bland face in the sea of people, looking for him, but it was clear that he wasn't there. So I waited, because I couldn't stand the sinking feeling in my chest, and I hoped that maybe he was just running late. He said he'd see me later, and it didn't necessarily mean immediately after school, I tried to tell myself.

But he didn't arrive. I waited, and waited, and waited, and almost everyone had gone home, and I waited, but he never came.

I began to walk home, cursing my naivety, my stupidity.

I was grasping at thin air. I was just so desperate for a lifeline. Maybe it wasn't Brady, after all. I probably shouldn't have put so much trust in my judgements. I was so useless.

Useless and naïve and stupid.

A lump in my throat threatened to choke me.

But then I heard footsteps behind me, and I didn't know how, but I knew it was him.

* * *

**Brady**

I am a fucking idiot sometimes, I swear to fucking God.

_Why_ do I constantly mess everything up? _Why_ is it that when I _finally_ get something good, when I _finally_ find what I'm looking for, _I__'__m_ always the one to fuck it up? _Why_?

Because I'm an idiot. I don't have a brain in my head.

I'm so sick of getting it wrong.

I just lost track of time. I was at Seth's house with Collin, and it had been so long since I had seen Seth and we were having fun and insulting each other and exchanging news and it had been great, and even though Nicole was in my every thought and most of my sentences, I just lost track of time.

She had been waiting for me. I knew it. She would have been home already. But she had been waiting for me, and I hadn't arrived, and I had fucked it all up once again.

I had let her down.

I was at Seth's house, and I was telling him all about Nicole, with interjections from Collin, when I realised how late I was.

"She's just amazing, man," I was saying, fighting hard to keep from grinning goofily, attempting to keep my expression matter-of-fact.

"You see?" Collin stage whispered. "He's crossed over to the dark side…"

"Shut up, you jealous reject," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm really happy for you, Brady, even if Col isn't," Seth grinned, sticking his tongue out at Collin. I smiled at him. Seth was decent. He was sensible and he was kind-hearted and sincere and basically the exact opposite of me. He never swore and he never spoke badly of anyone, and I envied him, sometimes. He always managed to get everything _right_.

If he had someone like Nicole, I was sure he would never, ever, let her down.

I wanted to be like Seth. I wanted to do things right and get everything right and stop being such an idiot all the time. I was going to try.

Nicole deserved it.

I ran after her, and caught up to her in seconds. She didn't turn to look at me, she didn't show any sign that she acknowledged me.

Shit.

Had I just blown it?

"Nicole?" I asked. I couldn't see her face; it was hidden by her hair.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi," I said, feeling a little relieved. At least she was talking to me. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"Er, how was school?"

"Fine."

This was not good. She didn't look at me, and her voice sounded flat and dead.

I am such a fucking idiot.

I hadn't a clue what to say to her. I was totally useless. Should I apologise? Should I act normal and pretend that I don't know that she was waiting for me? Should I give her space?

Useless, useless, useless.

I had no idea.

I just shut up. I didn't say anything. She didn't say anything. But I walked with her, because it would hurt me to walk away, and I didn't want to cause myself more pain. It already hurt more than I could stand that she wouldn't even look at me, she wouldn't even talk to me. I wasn't going to cut myself in two by leaving, as well.

We arrived at her house, and she finally turned to face me. She looked defeated, worn, weary. I didn't like it. I wanted to see her smile, laugh, be silly, be giddy, be clumsy, be quirky, be random… I wanted her to be everything that I knew she could be. I wanted her to be _happy_. I could see no trace of happiness in her eyes, and that hurt too. Another stab of pain to the heart. I couldn't even make her happy.

Useless, useless, _useless_.

"You can come in, if you want," she said, surprising me. "My parents won't be home until late."

I nodded, starting to feel hopeful. She didn't want me to _leave_. That had to be a good sign, right? Right. If she didn't want me around her, maybe then I definitely would have blown it. But at least she wanted me to make it up to her. Because I _would_ make it up to her. I was _never_ going to let her down again; I was _always_ going to be waiting for her, where she could see me, _always_.

I followed her into her living room. It was blue and grey and cold and unfriendly and smelled of nasty ass flowers and whoever thought that rug on the floor was _nice_ needed to be shot. It wasn't _Nicole_, in any way. There wasn't even a hint of Nicole. No photos her on the mantelpiece, no nothing. There was just some shrine to a shaven headed fucker who looked like a complete tool. I couldn't understand why there was a shrine to _him_, and no shrine for Nicole. There _should_ be a shrine for Nicole.

She dumped her schoolbag on the ground and threw herself down on the couch and sighed loudly and looked up at me. She didn't look away.

* * *

**Nicole**

He looked like a mirage, standing in _my_ house, in _my_ living room, in front of _me_. He didn't look _real_, but then again, he never looked real. I was so afraid to touch him, in case he vanished, and I was suddenly grasping at thin air. I was afraid to look away from him sometimes, in case I looked away and looked back and suddenly, he was gone. Sometimes, I was even terrified to blink.

That was the beauty of Brady. He was so unbelievable, I almost couldn't believe it.

I hated denial. I hated that horrible little voice at the back of my head that was constantly telling me that I was dreaming, that he was imaginary, that someone like him was never going to love someone like me. I wanted to shut that little voice up permanently, but I didn't know how.

I wanted to believe. I really did.

He sat down on the uncomfortable grey leather couch and turned in my direction, watching me. I was still hurting, because he hadn't been there waiting for me, and I was trying to tell myself not to be stupid, because he was here now and he was in my living room and I had him all to myself and I should make the most of it, and just… revel in his company. But it still hurt, and I couldn't ignore it.

I was masochistic. I didn't have to hurt, a lot of the time, but I did anyway.

I just loved to hurt myself, loved to hate myself.

I had no idea how to break the cycle. I just had to suffer through it, and hope that maybe, one day, it would all go away and finally I could be happy.

"Nicole," he said suddenly, and everything faded into the background. There was nothing but his voice, nothing but him, nothing but us. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I said stupidly, sure I had misheard him.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came out of school. I'm sorry I made you wait. I didn't mean to, I just lost track of time. But I won't let it happen again."

His eyes pulled me in, held me, and I couldn't look away. There was nothing but sincerity and adoration and determination and I wanted to believe it all but I didn't know if I could. It was all so beautiful and confusing and heartbreaking.

"It's OK," I somehow managed to choke out. The lump in my throat was swelling again, and I struggled with it. I didn't know how he was able to understand me so easily. Was I so transparent? Or could he just _tell_, did he just _know_?

"It's not OK, Nicole," he argued, and his eyes blazed. "I want you to _trust_ me. How can you trust me if I keep fucking up? You'll have to _tell_ me, Nic, you'll have to _show_ me where I'm going wrong so that I can fix it, because I want to get this _right_. When I do it wrong, you have to tell me the way to make it right again. I can't _stand_ not knowing how to make you not hurt, Nicole. I can't _stand_ not knowing how to make you smile again," he said, and his eyes were frustrated and beautiful and intense.

I was holding my breath, my mind swirling. I couldn't make my brain structure a sentence together, and all I could do was gaze at him. He was so honest, so raw, so _unbelievable_, and it was fogging my brain and jamming up my thought processes. Surely I didn't deserve a guy like this? When the hell did I ever do anything to deserve anyone like this?

The phone rang.

The shrill noise made us both jump. I released the breath I was holding in one gush and struggled to my feet to answer it. Brady sat back, but he didn't take his eyes off me as I approached the phone and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Nicole."

A bitter chill washed down my spine. Tyler. The biological son, the pride and joy, the only person in the whole world who truly terrified me.

"Mom and Dad aren't here," I stammered, but he knew that. I knew he knew that. He was calling _me_, just to remind me that he was still a presence in my life, one that I couldn't quite escape. He wanted to mess with my mind, once again.

"I know that," he answered, laughing quietly. He had a smooth and clear voice, and I detested the very sound of it with everything I had. I hated the feelings of fear it provoked in me. I hated him having that power over me. The power to terrify me. "I wanted to hear your voice."

I should have hung up on him. I wanted to, but I knew if I did he'd find some way to punish me for it. He'd come home from university on a 'surprise visit' to see his parents, and then leave me with bruises littered across my skin.

He always hurt me where no one could see it. My stomach, usually. The tops of my arms were another favourite. He'd punch me or he'd pinch me until it bled or he'd find something to scar me with.

Why?

Because he could.

He was a manipulator, he was a bully, and if my adoptive parents knew what they had raised, they'd be terrified, too. I had grown up, subjected to being his punching bag. I couldn't tell my parents, because they didn't _care_, and they wouldn't believe _me_ over their _son_. I had no one at all, so I lived with it. When he left for university, I almost collapsed with the relief. He was rarely around, and suddenly my life was a lot easier to bear. My biggest fear was him coming back home for a visit, or that maybe there was someone else he was slowly destroying, now.

He was a large reason I was so screwed up, in my head. He was to blame for me running away from everything all the time, when I got too scared. I just didn't want to get hurt again.

I didn't say anything, and I started to shake. I turned my back on Brady so he couldn't see my expression. I didn't want him to know.

"So, are you missing me, Nicole?" Tyler asked, his tone dangerous underneath all the fake charm and friendliness.

I was still frozen. Once again, my brain wouldn't form a sentence that made sense, but this time it was because I was so afraid. One wrong word, and he could come back home to see us. And hurt me.

"Nicole, answer me," he commanded. "If you'd rather, I could come home at the weekend and get an answer from you personally…"

_No_!

"Yeah, I miss you," I whispered. Saying I didn't miss him wasn't an option. I wasn't _that_ much of a masochist, to _want_ him to come back here and hurt me.

"Aw, I miss you, too," he said, laughing again. Rage, so intense and strong, burned in my chest, set fire to my heart. I _hated_ him. I _hated_ how he could make me so afraid. I _hated_ how he could _control_ me, and I _hated_ how powerless I was to stop it. "I might ring back later to speak to Mom," he said, sounding indifferent now. "I'll talk to you again soon, Nicole."

Then he hung up.

I placed the phone back in the cradle with a shaking hand, wheeled around to face Brady again, and rather dramatically, burst into tears.

* * *

**Brady**

I felt quite murderous, to be perfectly fucking honest.

I could hear that whole conversation, could hear everything he was saying to her. And even though I was an idiot, I could figure this one out easily enough. He was fucking scaring her. She was shaking. He was manipulating her, intimidating her, subtly _threatening_ her. And I wanted to kill him, whoever he was.

She hung up and turned to face me and she was white and her eyes were wide and she looked so scared and upset, and then she just started fucking _crying_, and I thought I was either going to jump up and hunt that bastard down for making her look like that and for making her cry, or I was going to break down myself. I couldn't stand her expression, her tears. They were _killing_ me.

But I got up and I put my arms around her and I held her, because that's what she needed. She clung to me and I could feel her hot tears on my chest, but I didn't mind. She needed me, and she could have me. Hell, she could have anything she wanted from me. I was hers, completely and absolutely. She could take everything I had.

She didn't cry for long, and when she pulled away, she was still white and still shaking. I noticed how pretty she still was when she cried. Her lips were a little puffier and her eyes were rimmed with pink, and her tears were like little diamonds on her pale cheeks. She was the prettiest crier I had ever seen. Past misfortunes of witnessing chicks crying hadn't been pleasant; puffed up eyes, snot everywhere… but then I guess even if Nicole had been the nastiest crier in the world, I wouldn't have cared. Because it was Nicole.

I didn't bother asking her if she was OK. Ridiculous, retarded question. Of course she wasn't OK.

I just had to know. I needed to be sure of who that was, and I needed to understand what he was doing that made her so afraid. Her eyes watered again when I asked her, but she told me.

"He's my brother… and I _hate_ him… I hate how he scares me so much every time I hear from him or see him… I _hate_ him…" she hiccupped, wiping her eyes.

"Nicole?" I asked firmly, determined to get an answer from her, determined to accept whatever that may be with a cool head, and not overreact. "What does he do to scare you? What does he threaten you with? Does he… does he hurt you?" I had tried to ask gently, but the words came out harsher than I had meant them to. I just… how could anyone hurt Nicole? She was so tiny and fragile and vulnerable… how could anyone take advantage of that?

It made me angry. So fucking angry.

Nicole just gazed at me, her cheeks wet and her eyes dead and blank, like she had shut everything off, and had just become an empty shell again. It was so hard, to drag her back out from that shell, and to make her more alive again, but I knew I would never give up trying. She was worth it. She was worth everything.

She was wearing a long sleeved black top, which she had coordinated with an electric blue skirt with black net underneath it. Not that I was fluent in girl-clothes talk or anything… but you could never help noticing what Nicole was wearing. I thought she looked amazing. But I think she'd look amazing in a black sack.

All of a sudden she just seized the hem of her top and lifted it up, exposing her stomach, her eyes still trained on mine.

Her stomach was flat. Almost too flat. She was too thin. I could see her hip bones jutting through her skin. Her skin looked so soft…

Focus, Brady.

And then I saw what she wanted me to see.

Faded scars. Deep marks in her skin.

She didn't have to tell me. _He_ did that.

That bastard did that.

I wanted to fucking _kill_ him.

Fucking tear him limb from fucking limb, and worse…

I tore myself out of my violent thoughts, because she was still looking at me, and she was so vulnerable and tired and upset and I loved her.

I couldn't _not_ love her.

She was my imprint, and she was everything to me, and I knew I would love my imprint eventually, if I ever found her, and now that I had found Nicole, I knew I loved her now. I just knew it. It was too soon to tell her, of course, and she wouldn't believe me if I told her now. I just had to be patient.

So I just gathered her up in my arms again and held her close and kissed the top of her head, and I just prayed I was doing it right.

* * *

**Savin' Me - Nickelback.**

**Thanks for reading! Thoughts?**

**x x x**


	5. Good Enough

Thanks so much for the reviews!! I luff them. I'm not totally happy with this chapter, but... eh. Hope you like it. xxxx

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Five: Good Enough**

_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall_

_Pour real life down on me_

_Because I can't hold onto anything this_

_Good enough_

_Am I good enough_

_For you to love me too?_

_So take care what you ask of me_

'_Cos I can't say no…_

* * *

**Nicole**

The horror set in a couple of seconds later.

I couldn't believe I had told him so much. I couldn't believe what I had given away. I had kept everything with Tyler locked away for years and years, too scared to tell a soul, to scared to even think about it for very long.

And now Brady knew everything.

I tensed, and waited for him to run.

If he hadn't sensed the train wreck before now, he couldn't possibly miss it; now it was right in front of his eyes. I was a disaster. Everything about me was wrong. He deserved someone perfect and someone who wasn't me.

So I couldn't understand why he wasn't running away.

He surprised me every single goddamn second.

He didn't run away at all, even though I kept waiting for him to. He just held me and stroked my hair and sometimes he kissed my forehead, and I felt so incredibly safe. It was like nothing could hurt me because Brady was there.

I know I sounded clichéd and stupid and childish.

But whatever.

I never felt safe. I always felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, and I was constantly waiting for the ground to give way beneath my feet. I was always waiting for the one moment that would make me fall.

But right now, I felt so _safe_ and _protected_ and _cared_ _for_, and I wasn't about to give that up. I never felt all those things. But I did, just now, with Brady, and I didn't care if it was the biggest cliché in the world.

I loved the way he looked at me. It was like there was no one else in the world he would rather save.

Seconds, minutes, hours flew by. And Brady stayed.

We curled up together on the ghastly couch, and he was so warm and he took away all my chills. Sometimes we talked, but it wasn't about anything important. I loved that ease we had with each other, where a long period of time could pass without a word being said, but it didn't matter because we didn't need to say a thing.

At one point, he kissed me.

I didn't pull away, because I _wanted_ to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me. It made me forget.

I forgot about everything that hurt me. I forgot who I was.

Brady was all I could think about. His lips were so _hot_ and firm and they burned against mine and they just erased everything from my brain, everything except the feelings coursing through me at his touch, his kiss.

There was nothing I could compare it to. I had never felt anything like this before. It was so… painless. It was _good_.

I became addicted quickly. Everything bad faded and everything good intensified when he kissed me, and I never wanted that to stop. I couldn't pull away from him.

But I knew I wasn't just using him, just kissing him so that I could forget about that black cloud.

It was _Brady_ that I was kissing.

Brady, who was so _unbelievable_ and warm and gorgeous and rugged and fierce and amazing. Brady, who had come from nowhere. Brady, who was saving me without even realising it.

I was falling for him.

And it didn't feel like all those other times, when I fell for the boys who only liked my image. I fell half-heartedly, because I knew it wasn't different, and I knew I would get hurt, and I just didn't want it to hurt too much.

But this time, I was falling hard and fast, wholly and completely.

Because there was _something_ different about him. There was _something_ I couldn't quite put my finger on, _something_ almost… supernatural? I couldn't figure it out. All the pieces weren't fitting completely together.

There was something meant-to-be about him.

I gave up on believing in fairytales a long time ago. I gave up on trusting clichés. They never applied to me. Everything went wrong when it came to me, so I just dealt with what was offered to me, and I never wished for anything more, because I would just end up disappointed.

But I just knew that something was different with Brady. I could feel it. And I always followed my gut instincts.

Maybe I could hope?

Maybe I would be given a chance to have somebody to love, who would love me back?

Maybe.

I think I could love Brady.

I was just so afraid though, of everything. Afraid that if I fell for him, and it didn't work out, this _blackness_ would just get so much denser, so much harder to escape from. Afraid that he could do the littlest thing wrong, and I'd get scared, and run from him. I never wanted to run from him again.

But even as I vowed never to run from him again that horrible little voice piped up and reminded me of how screwed up I was, and how I would hurt Brady, even if I didn't mean to.

I was so scared of all this.

Maybe things would have been simpler if Brady had never found me, in the woods. Maybe then I never would have had to worry about hurting him.

But the thought of never meeting him, never having _this_, almost broke my heart into little pieces and I had to banish the thought before it destroyed me. My life had been _nothing_ without Brady, and now that he was in it, he was all that I could see. He was rapidly becoming the only thing to live for in my life.

It was all so scary.

But I refused to run away.

I went back to kissing Brady, because it meant I didn't have to think about all this.

I stopped kissing him when I heard my parents' car pull up outside the house. It was twilight outside, and the room around us was dim, and my skin was on fire and both of our hairs were in disarray and he was breathing as heavily as I was.

"I have to go, don't I?" he asked, and I could see him trying to hide how much he hated this idea. I didn't want him to go, either.

"I doubt my parents would even notice you, because they rarely look my way as it is," I said, with a wry smile. "But it's best not to risk it."

He smiled back and kissed me quickly again, and it hurt to watch him leave. I listened to him slip out of the back door, and that hurt too. I smoothed down my hair, which was sticking in all directions. I looked like I had been electrocuted, the blue dye only encouraging the image. I crawled up the couch and sat exactly where Brady had been sitting. I could feel his body heat that still lingered there. He was so incredibly scorching all the time, and I didn't get why. Maybe I was always cold. Maybe he had flu or something. I idly hoped I wouldn't get sick.

I just sat there and thought about him and my parents entered the house and didn't come into the living room at all. They went straight into the kitchen, talking and laughing animatedly. I got up and quietly climbed the stairs, escaping to my room.

My room was the most colourful room in the house. My mother was into minimalist décor, and I hated it; it was so cold. My room was painted yellow. It was warm, it made me think of sunshine. I mismatched everything in my room, putting orange pillows on my bed with pink covers. I had a slight obsession with cushions; bright blue ones, bright green ones, bright red ones were all scattered around, on my swivel chair, on my bed, and there were a couple on the floor for no particular reason. It was messy, it was random, it was _me_.

My room, and the clearing in the forest, were the only two places I ever felt comfortable in.

I picked up my beloved guitar from where it rested in the corner of the room, and sat on my bed with it. I began to play, no particular melody in mind, just wanting to hear the sound of it. It never failed to make me feel better, never failed to distract me from everything that was going on around me.

My room grew steadily darker, and I didn't bother to get up and turn on a light. I was comfortable where I was.

A sudden tap on the window made me jump, but I ignored it. It was probably just the wind, or a leaf hitting the window or something. I continued to strum the guitar gently, singing softly to myself, until I heard another tap on the window. I stopped playing. I looked behind me to stare out of the window, beginning to feel uneasy. I could see nothing but black. I decided it was high time I put on a light.

I felt marginally better once the room flooded with light, and I turned around to face the window again. I gasped sharply, my heart jumping violently. Oh! Oh. It was just my reflection. I studied the blue haired, seriously screwed up girl reflected in the window for a moment, wondering if she would ever _not_ be screwed up.

I jumped again as a rock suddenly clattered with the glass.

"Jesus!" I exclaimed, and rushed around my bed to peer outside.

Brady.

Of course.

He was standing below the window and his expression brightened when he saw me. He waved up at me, and I waved back, bemused. I hadn't a clue what he was doing.

On the window ledge outside, I noticed two tiny pebbles, and the third larger rock. That amused me for some reason, the fact he became frustrated after the two smaller stones didn't work, and so proceeded to throw practically a boulder to get my attention. He could have broken my window if he had used enough force.

I received my third near heart attack when Brady's face suddenly loomed right in front of mine, on the other side of the glass. I clapped my hand to my mouth to keep myself from shrieking out loud. I watched in shock as he balanced on the windowsill, surprising graceful for someone of his size and build, and fumble around for the latch on the window. As my heart began to return to its normal rhythm, I began to feel sorry for him. There was no latch on that window.

My window was basically one large pane of glass, with a smaller box window at the top of it. That window had a latch. If Brady's intention had been to climb through my window to see me, he had absolutely no chance of fitting through the tiny little square box, which was the only form of entry to my room, besides the door.

Brady seemed to realise this a short time later, gazing up at the little box window in frustration. He rolled his eyes, slowly and deliberately, before straightening out of his crouch and reaching for it. I hopped up onto my own windowsill immediately and opened it for him. He stuck his head through it, smiling exasperatedly at me.

"This was _so_ not how I planned this," he complained. "I had this big scene in my head where I gracefully climbed through your open window into your room, and now all that's happened is I get to stick my head through this tiny, pathetic excuse for a window."

I giggled. "Well, that's what you get for not checking that my window actually had a latch." He rolled his eyes again, and it suddenly struck me as extremely funny that he was here, and unable to climb through my window like he had planned. I tried not to laugh again, as he was obviously both embarrassed and exasperated. "How did you even climb up here?" I asked, genuinely curious. There were no trees near my window and unless he was Spiderman, I couldn't see how he had managed to scale the wall.

"Drainpipe," he shrugged, as though that explained everything. I let it go.

"What are you _doing_ here?" I asked, smiling. I couldn't help but smile. He was _here_.

"I just… wanted to see you," he said, shrugging again. "I didn't want to wait until tomorrow."

He smiled at me then, and I still couldn't believe I had been lucky enough to find someone who would actually climb through my window, just to see me. Well, attempt to climb through my window, anyway.

I stretched up onto my tiptoes so that I could kiss him.

"You feel like sneaking out with me?" he whispered, when I pulled away from his lips.

"And do what?"

"I'd like you to meet my friends."

My heart rate began to speed up a little, and I started freaking out slightly. Oh God. No way. They'd hate me, feel sorry for me, ask me questions, be all fake and false once they realised how uninteresting I am, wonder what Brady was _doing_ with someone like me…

"Nicole?" He was frowning at me, his eyebrows raised expectantly. Maybe my discomfort was obvious on my face.

I shook my head vehemently. "No, I can't. I'm not the type of girl you would want to show off."

"Yes, you are," he argued fiercely. "You're perfect."

I gazed at him. I couldn't quite believe him. I was far from perfect.

But I nodded and agreed to meet his friends, because I didn't want to be away from him just yet, and plus I decided it may as well be now rather than later. I'd get it over with, and see what happened then.

Brady looked happy, and I realised that's what mattered to me now. My own happiness wasn't worth dwelling over. As long as Brady was happy, I was content.

"Oh, I don't believe it," he muttered, scowling suddenly.

"What?" I said, alarmed by his sudden mood change.

"I think my head is stuck. Oh, for fuck's _sake_…"

I watched, wide eyed, as he tried to pull his head from the window, grimacing. And then I doubled over, laughing. I laughed so hard that it _hurt_. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed like this. I didn't even know if I had ever laughed like that before. I never had a reason. But this was _funny_.

"Nic, if you can control yourself, help would be appreciated…" he sniffed, indignant. Snorting and sniggering, I helped him push his head out of the window. Once he was free, he jumped off of the window ledge, and I watched him disappear into the darkness. He said he would wait outside for me, so I grabbed a coat and brushed my hair and slipped my shoes back on and sneaked downstairs. My parents were in the living room, watching a chat show, and I doubted they would even miss me. And even if they realised I was gone, I doubted they would even worry about me. They were indifferent like that.

Nevertheless, I snuck out as quietly as I could, like a typical rebellious teenager whose parents would kill her if she were to be caught. The only difference between me and them was the fact that my parents didn't care what I did.

It was almost too dark to see outside, and I left my doorstep cautiously, straining my eyes. The wind was fierce and cold and brushing my hair had been completely pointless, and I was just beginning to feel a little uneasy outside in the dark, unable to see, when a pair of warm arms wrapped themselves around me and took all my fears away. I leaned into them, not wanting to lose the warmth, or the security that I felt.

"Come on," he said, and I let myself be led away with him, bundled in his arms and shielded from the cold.

I was nervous. Of course I was nervous. I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I didn't know whether to be myself or be a particular Nicole. A fake Nicole.

Brady would see through me. I knew he would.

And I didn't want him to think that I was a fake person all the time. So I would have to do a hastily-arranged version of myself, an edited version. I just hoped it wouldn't backfire on me. I wanted to hide the real me, as much as I could.

We walked for what was probably a long time, but it seemed to fly. Brady and I didn't have to say anything, once again. It was unbelievable how comfortable I felt with him; I never felt comfortable with anyone. He was the first person who ever actually made me feel _comfortable_. Another addition to the list of amazing things he had given me.

Affection. Security.

They were the most important, because I never had that, with anyone. Just Brady, now. It amazed me.

Everything was so amazing. I felt like a kid in a candy store, gazing up at all the treats she had only ever dreamed of having, and now finally having some of them in my hands. I never believed I had deserved any of it, so I never expected to receive it.

I was waiting for it all to be snatched away from me.

* * *

**Brady**

Nicole was quiet, and I could just tell that she was nervous. I wished I could say something to make that better, but I hadn't an arsing clue. In fairness, I was a little nervous too, but not for me; for her. I just wanted her to feel comfortable, to feel like she fit in, she was accepted. I just wanted her to feel _OK_, and not under pressure to be who she wasn't.

I wanted what she wanted.

She wanted to be OK, I knew that. I wanted her to be OK, too.

I was taking her to Collin's, 'cause he had an empty, huge house tonight and he felt like entertaining, the flash bastard. Seth would be there, and a few Tweens, and maybe some other guys. It wasn't a party or anything, but I was going to go anyway, and the idea of bringing Nicole with me stuck in my head and wouldn't go. So I thought _ah fuck it_ and decided to ask her, and see what she'd say. I had been more pleased than I thought I'd be when she agreed.

Now I was nervous because she was nervous, and it was ridiculous really, but eh.

I was kind of looking forward to Col and Seth meeting her. Collin would be really nice to her, he was a good guy with tact and shit, and Seth would be nothing but his usual charming self. It would be my two best friends getting to know the most important girl in the world, and that… was going to be pretty cool.

* * *

**Nicole**

Everything got a little scary for me, and I wanted to run, and I had to constantly remind myself that Brady was there and he wouldn't let anything hurt me.

They were all so tall, so similar yet so different. They all smiled at me and introduced themselves and embarrassed Brady and made stupid jokes. Brady rolled his eyes a lot and smirked a lot. I remained glued to his side, and I just watched everyone quietly, speaking when I was spoken to. They probably all thought I was just shy.

But I was a little bit scared.

Ugh. Why the hell did I have to be like _this_? Why couldn't I just be _normal_? These people weren't _scary_, but they were new and I couldn't quite block out all the paranoid thoughts from my mind. I was convinced they were talking about me and judging me behind my back.

It was times like this when I wished my hair wasn't blue, when my clothes were normal and ordinary. At times like this, I wished I was plain and bland and matched the wallpaper. I didn't want to be in the centre of attention at times like this. There were too many people to watch me and judge me and see straight through me.

But at least Brady was there. He squeezed my hand when I started to shake and he asked me half a million times if I was OK or not. I always said yes, and he always gazed at me sceptically. He just _knew_, and I tried harder to calm myself down, because I didn't want him constantly worrying about me. His world didn't revolve around me, I was sure.

He introduced me to Collin, who was a little bit taller than Brady, with short blonde hair and clay-coloured eyes and a crooked smile. He was just as muscly as Brady, and I couldn't understand where they had acquired such muscles in a place like Forks. They all must be addicted to the gym.

Collin was nice. I did like him.

"Hey, Nicole," he said, and held out his enormous hand for me to shake. My own little hand was swallowed by his, and his skin was coarse, a lot like Brady's.

"Hi," I said in a small voice, smiling shyly. I felt ridiculously close to tears, for some reason.

"We must all be pretty frightening," he said kindly, winking. "I mean, look at the state of Brady, for example. He's the scariest looking out of the entire bunch of us."

I looked up at Brady, who was rolling his eyes.

"Really funny, Collin," he said. "Funny, just like your face."

I giggled quietly.

"I'm just saying," Collin grinned, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "It's really nice to finally meet you, Nicole," he added. "Brady wouldn't shut up about you at all."

He swaggered off, dodging the fist Brady swung at him. I looked up at Brady again, my insides glowing.

"Really?" I asked him, unable to keep a smile off my face. I was ridiculously touched, and felt close to tears again.

Brady ran his fingers through his hair, embarrassed.

"Maybe," he said. He poked me in the shoulder with his forefinger, grinning. I blushed and looked down, now embarrassed myself. I mean, I knew he _liked_ me, but I didn't realise he was talking about me all the time to his friends.

Brady recovered first, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. My skin burned and tingled at his touch.

"C'mon, let's find Seth," he said. We left the kitchen, where Collin was having an animated conversation with some younger guys at the table. I had forgotten their names, but Brady kept referring to them as the Tweens. In the living room, there were more of the 'Tweens', and also two older guys called Jared and Paul, who were talking amongst themselves. Brady frowned, and I assumed Seth hadn't arrived yet, but I was proven wrong when his expression suddenly cleared.

"Seth!" he yelled, and a guy half hidden behind a 'Tween' came into view and grinned. "Where have you been hiding?" Brady demanded.

"Sorry, I just arrived," Seth said, rolling his eyes apologetically.

"C'mere and say hi to Nicole," Brady said, and tugged on my hand, pulling me from where I hid behind him into view. Seth was sandy-haired, and had an adorable smile.

But he took one look at me, and the grin slid rapidly off his face.

I wanted to run.

He hated me already.

What was _wrong_ with me?

"I have to go," he announced, his voice shaking, and he walked out the door, his face heavily composed. He was leaving because of me, I just knew it. I didn't even bother trying to figure out what I had done. I existed. That was probably enough.

"What. The. Absolute. _Fuck_?" Brady said indignantly, frowning after Seth. He looked as confused as I felt, and I suddenly realised that so did everybody else. Clearly, this wasn't what _Seth_ did.

I knew it was because of me. I knew it was my fault. I just knew it.

Brady was distracted for the rest of the evening, and I knew he was thinking about Seth and his reaction to me. Like me, he was probably trying to figure out what I did wrong. Because, like me, he had to know _I_ did something wrong. I was always wrong.

It was just the way it was.

I started yawning and then Brady decided it was late enough and that I should go home, so we left the house after saying goodbye to everyone. He remained in a thoughtful silence the whole walk home, and I was just trying not to think. I didn't want to _think_ anymore. I was sick of listening to my own thoughts.

"Are you OK?" he asked me suddenly, and I realised we had stopped walking, and were outside my house.

"Yeah," I said lightly, still not wanting him to worry about me, on top of everything else.

"'K," he said quietly, and I felt his arms wrap around me. I wished I could see his face, but it was still so dark. "Did you have a good time tonight?" he asked, sounding hopeful, and even though the night had been a bit scary and stressful, there was no way I wanted to admit that to him. He wanted me to be OK.

"I did," I replied, and his arms lost some of their tension.

"OK," he said, and I felt his cheek press against my hair. "I'm sorry about Seth, too. I don't know what that was about."

I nodded, but it was _bothering_ me. I needed reassurance, and I knew Brady would give me some.

"Did Seth leave because of me?" I whispered, a little afraid of the answer. I wanted Brady's friends to like me. Brady wanted that, and I wanted what he wanted. I felt like I had failed him.

"No, Nicole," Brady said, shaking his head vehemently. "It was nothing to do with you. I don't know what his problem is, but don't worry, I intend on finding out."

I nodded again. I could hear in his voice though, his hesitation when he said it was nothing to do with me, and I wasn't reassured. He didn't know. I could feel it; I had caused another disaster. I always created the mess. A part of me knew I had screwed up again, without even realising it, and it was just waiting until it found out what exactly I did. Then it was going to jump up and scream _I told you so_.

Brady kissed me, and everything was forgotten for a blissful moment. It all came crashing back when he pulled away, but at least I had one moment of escape, no matter how brief it was. He said goodnight, and I said goodnight, and crept back inside.

Dark. Quiet. Cold.

I doubt they even realised I had been out. I felt another little stab of anger and frustration. Did they feel guilty when they called themselves _parents_? Would they even cry if I _died_? Who _were_ they to me?

I suppressed all the surging feelings, because they hurt too much, they made me too angry. I didn't want to think about _this_ right now, on top of everything.

I went to bed and wrapped myself up in my duvet, unable to shake the nagging feeling that something had gone very, very wrong.

I tried to reassure myself. Brady would make sure everything would be OK. I could depend on him that way.

Maybe it was all going to be OK. As long as I had Brady, I knew it would be.

I was so addicted to him, and how he made me feel. I knew I would do absolutely anything he asked me to do, without considering anything else. And I knew it was the same for him.

He was amazing.

But I still couldn't completely believe I deserved him.

* * *

**Good Enough - Evanescence.**

**Fanks for reading!! lurrve xox :D**


	6. Just For

Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you're liking the story. I've had this written for ages, I dunno why it took me so long to update. Get set for this chapter - the shit well and truly hits the fan... :)

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Six: Just For**

_I want to take his eyes out_

_Just for looking at you_

_Yes I do_

_And I want to take his hands off_

_Just for touching you_

_Yes I do_

* * *

**Brady**

I was pretty pissed at Seth.

I mean, what the hell?

He was fine one second, and then all of a sudden he was storming out looking completely freaked. It wasn't normal. It wasn't _Seth_. I was kind of concerned at the same time, because it would have to be something pretty important to weird out the so-laid-back-he's-practically-horizontal Seth, but overall, I was still pretty pissed off.

This was _Nicole_. There would never _be_ another Nicole. She was the only one for me, and she was so _important_. He knew what the imprints meant. I was sure he was eagerly awaiting his own. He knew how much it _meant_ to me, how much _she_ meant to me, and he just stormed out for no clear reason, looking as though he had just realised he had left the oven on.

I didn't get it.

But I was as sure as hell going to confront him about it.

I sighed loudly, frustrated, and kicked at a tree. This just sucked. Why did everything have to _suck_?

I felt like I was floundering around without a clue of what I was supposed to be doing. It was all pissing me off.

I wasn't an _angel_. I wasn't a _saint_.

But surely to shit I could at least have some _peace_, once in a while?

This Seth thing was a thorn in my side that I really didn't need. It was hard enough to breathe, what with the giant, Nicole-shaped thorn currently making me bleed.

I was worried about her.

She was _killing_ me.

I just wasn't sure if anything I did was right. I had told her to tell me when I got things wrong, so that I could fix it, but I didn't even know if she could distinguish wrong from right herself. She was just as fucked up as I was. We hadn't a clue what we were doing, day in day out. We were just floating along, ignoring the pain.

I hated that, a lot. I didn't want that for Nicole. I wanted to make her _happy_, but how could I make her happy, when I was so fucking frustrated and on top of it all, a complete fucking idiot?

I couldn't.

She deserved better than me, she really did.

But I loved her more than anything else in the entire world, more than anything I could ever possibly love, and I would never give her up for anything. I was a selfish bastard like that.

Maybe we could help each other. We'd have to. This would work out, I knew it would. We were meant to be, we were soul mates, we were other halves, we were fate, destiny, any other psychobabble you wanted to include.

She was mine, and I was hers. Completely, totally, absolutely. For life.

End of.

So pull up your fucking socks, Brady, and patch up the wound around the thorn. It would heal, but just not now.

And stop complaining like a miserable fucker.

And stop talking to yourself.

Right.

I had left Nicole's about five minutes ago, and was just wandering aimlessly through the woods. I didn't feel like transforming. I didn't feel like going back to Collin's. I didn't feel like doing anything. I'd just walk, and see where I ended up going.

Nowhere, it seemed. When all the fucking _trees_ started looking familiar, I knew I was just walking around in a circle. A frustrating, never ending circle.

Oh, what a bundle full of joy I was.

I stopped dead, and began to debate with myself. I could go back to Collin's? The others might all be gone home by now, but maybe Collin would stay up to listen to me whine and bitch about Seth? I could go hunt Seth down and give out to him? Help him, if he needed help? Or I could go _home_, and go to _bed_, and _sleep_, and _dream_ of nothing but Nicole and smiles and unicorns and puppies and fucking _rainbows_. Just anything other than all this shit.

My phone started buzzing, and I lunged to answer it. I had given Nicole my number, and I swear every time it went off I thought it was her. I'd probably still wrestle it out of my pocket even if she was standing next to me.

It was too late for her to call me, I told myself. But a sick and stupid part of me was hoping it _was_ her, and there was some emergency that she needed me to save her from. Just so I could see her again. Hear her voice.

I was actually going to have a nervous _breakdown_ one of these fucking days.

It was Seth's mother. Confused dot com. What was she calling me for? She never called me. I didn't even know she had my number. Rather than listen to my own theories, I answered the phone.

"Sue?"

"Hi, Brady, sorry to bother you so late… is Seth with you?"

"No," I replied, frowning.

"Oh. Oh, right. Well, he hasn't come home yet, you see, and he's normally never out this late and he's with none of his friends… I'm just starting to worry about him, that's all."

Yeah, so was I.

"I'll look for him," I assured her. "I'll get him to call you."

"Thanks," she said, her voice drenched in relief. "If he comes home I'll get him to let you know, too."

"OK," I said, and hung up.

Jesus. Where the fuck was Seth and what was he doing?

Really worried now, I set off in a clear direction, searching. I wasn't going to stop until I had answers.

* * *

"Seth? There you are."

I finally found him in a clearing, deep in the woods. Following his scent had been a trial; he had been running all over the goddamn place. And now I was back in human form, wearing sweats, obviously, and wondering what the fuck Seth was doing. He was leaning against a tree for support. He wasn't looking at me, and his shoulders were tense. I sighed loudly and crossed my arms.

This was so frustrating. I didn't know what to say. I was an idiot; I was the worst person to have around when you were having some sort of crisis. I was just useless at the best of times.

"Seth? Talk to me, man. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," he said, his voice cold and controlled. He still didn't look at me. "Just leave me alone, I'm fine."

"Your mom has been calling everyone. She's worried sick about you, man. Would you at least call her?"

"I will. Can you go now?"

"What the fuck, Seth?" I snapped. This guy was my best friend. This guy was always happy, always cheerful, always friendly. This wasn't him. I wanted to help him, because that's what friends did, right? I knew I would feel shitty if I walked away from him now. He obviously needed someone's help.

He'd just have to settle for me, then.

Seth whirled around to face me, and I was shocked. He looked like complete shit. He was pale and any trace of cheerful and happy-go-lucky Seth was gone. His eyes wild and afraid and angry, and I wanted to hit something. I couldn't _stand_ not knowing what to do.

"What the fuck happened to you?" I demanded, worried and frustrated.

"I don't know!" he yelled, the stress apparent in his voice. "I don't know what the hell is happening to me!"

I didn't know what to say to him. Nothing was making any sense. I struggled with my next sentence. I tried to put the pieces together, but they didn't fit right, so I just started at the very start, from where it seemed to all go wrong.

"Is this something to do with Nicole?" I asked, and Seth's whole expression froze. "I mean, you just fucking stormed out without saying a word to her. That wasn't cool. Why did… what is it?" I asked, suddenly nervous, only just realising that Seth looked afraid.

He was really fucking frightening me.

There was a short pause, and Seth closed his tortured eyes.

"I think I imprinted on her too," he whispered, so quietly I could barely hear it.

"Shut the fuck up," I said immediately, my brain rejecting this idea straight away. "That's not possible."

"I don't see any other explanation!" Seth said loudly, his eyes flying open, and he was stressed and angry again. "I took one look at her and suddenly she was all I could see! I saw your arm around her and I wanted to rip it off! So tell me what to do, Brady, because I am at a loss here. What the hell is happening?"

I was numb. This wasn't making sense. This was a really bad, fucked up joke.

"But she's _my_ other half," I said, trying to make sense of everything. "She's _mine_. She can't be yours too."

Seth just gazed at me, drained, defeated, hopeless.

* * *

**Seth**

Oh, someone please help me.

_Please_, someone tell me what to do and how to reverse this. I just want it back to the way it was. I don't want _this_.

I was going to get sick.

I couldn't handle any of this.

My stomach was churning and my head was pounding and I could barely stand up. I just had no idea what to do.

Brady was staring at me, his expression bewildered and scared and hurt and angry and so many other emotions that were easily discernable, but my brain was in a complete mess and I couldn't make it function properly.

Because all I could think about was Nicole.

_Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole…_

This could not be happening. I mean, it _couldn't_ be happening, right? It wasn't actually _possible_, right?

The same girl.

Maybe splitting the packs had screwed up the system. Maybe there was glitch. Maybe it would happen again, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it was my fault.

I didn't have any solid, concrete answers. All I knew was that the thought of Nicole filled my head, and I wanted to see her and hear her speak and touch her and listen to her laugh and memorise her face and so much more, but I _couldn't_…

Brady. She was Brady's.

I loved Brady; he was my best friend and he was the coolest guy I knew and I had so much respect for him… but it was really hard not to hate him right now.

I knew I was just being irrational. I wasn't making sense, not even to myself.

My head, my heart, everything, was just a whirlwind of nonsense and emotions and I couldn't, I just _couldn't_…

I wanted to escape it all.

Get away.

Run away.

I had tried.

And then Brady found me. The one guy I was running from.

I just didn't want to face all this. I just wanted to sit somewhere quiet until all these… _urges_, or whatever they were, went away.

I wanted to go back to being _me_ again. I liked the guy I was. I didn't feel like _me_ anymore. It felt like my head had been completely taken over by Nicole, and I couldn't find _me_ anywhere. I was just… totally lost.

Brady was still staring at me. I wished I could smile and tell him I was only joking, and then make up some lie about what was bothering me. Just so I could spare him from all this. He had just found his imprint - he was pretty smug right now. I was destroying it for him.

But I had never felt less like smiling in my life, and I just couldn't _lie_ to him over something like _this_. As much as he probably didn't want to, he _needed_ to know. We needed to figure out a way to reverse this, a way to make it stop, a way to get everything back to the way it was. Maybe Brady could help. Maybe he would know what to do.

His face was white. His eyes were wide and defensive. His fists were clenched. He looked just as lost as I was.

My heart sank. He didn't have any answers. He didn't have a quick fix. He didn't know what to do, either.

"So what… does… _this_… _mean_?" Brady asked, struggling with every word.

I grit my teeth.

"Nothing," I forced myself to say. "It means nothing. Just… just go back to Nicole. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

Ignoring Brady's protest, I turned around and began to stumble away from him. I'd go home. I didn't want my mom worrying about me. I'd go to sleep and hope this would all go away for a few hours. And maybe when I woke up this would all have been a nightmare, and it wouldn't be real anymore.

But deep in my gut I knew it was real. This was a living nightmare.

I would just have to stay away from Nicole. Never see her. Never speak to her. Leave her alone. Maybe I could still be friends with Brady. But I could never see Nicole. I just couldn't do that to Brady, or Nicole even. I couldn't make them _choose_.

I was just an inconvenience. This obviously wasn't supposed to happen, and I wasn't going to make a big deal out of this. I could fade into the background.

I would find some way to block everything out of my head, out of my heart.

I had to block _Nicole_, out of my head, out of my heart.

But the way it was looking right now, I didn't know if I would be able to survive without her. She was in my every thought. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her face. She was the reason for every beat of my heart.

But I had to block her out. I couldn't think about her. I _couldn't_…

I didn't want to think about tomorrow. I didn't want to think about the days after that. If I could just survive the next five minutes without her, then I could be strong enough to survive the minutes after that. I'd take it slowly. One step at a time. One minute after the next.

I'd survive, somehow.

I had to.

I couldn't let this kill me.

Home. I had to get home.

* * *

**Brady**

Oh, _fuck_.

I couldn't bring myself to follow Seth. I'd just make things worse.

I was frozen to the spot, unable to move. I didn't _get_ any of this. It made no fucking sense. I didn't know what to do for the best.

But... but how...?

Oh, fuck this. I needed to stop thinking. I'd work it out in the morning.

I was going to tell Nicole everything, I decided. If Seth had really… _imprinted_ (I could barely force myself to think that word now), then she needed to know. If we were both irrevocably attached to her, then I guess she needed to know. Maybe she would have some sort of idea of what we should do.

I spat viciously into the grass.

Imprinting.

What a load of bollocks.

How could something so _good_ for me become something like a _curse_ for Seth?

Someone had fucked up, somewhere.

I tried to calm myself down. Maybe Seth hadn't _imprinted_, necessarily. Maybe it was something less serious. We'd figure it out.

Tomorrow.

Right now, I had to control the very violent impulse I had to follow Seth and tear out his brain for even _thinking_ that he could have Nicole.

She was _mine_.

There was no fucking way he could have her. He'd just have to find a way to un-imprint. Or something.

I wasn't the kind of guy who shared.

* * *

**Just For - Nickelback.**

**Thank youu for reading!! xoxox lurrve xoxox**


	7. Figure09

Wow, thank you so much for the awesome reviews! You guys really make it worth it. I know this story is pretty angst and emo and stuff, but don't worry, the ending is a lovely and happy one. So stick with me. Thanks again for reading, you all rock :D

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Seven: Figure.09**

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

_I can't separate_

_Myself from what I've done_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you…_

* * *

**Nicole**

I woke up, and everything felt _OK_.

It was weird. I was smiling. I think I was in a good mood.

Last night felt like a dream. Everything that bothered me about it, like the whole Seth thing, and my stupid yet frightening doubts over Brady, just… didn't matter now. I felt like I could worry about them another time, because right now I was smiling and everything was OK and I felt quite _happy_. I never wanted to lose this feeling.

So I pushed everything that I didn't want to think of to the back of my mind and concentrated on getting ready for school.

This is what other people did. They didn't let their insecurities drag them down and they didn't dwell on all the bad shit in their life all the time, until eventually they could see nothing good. Like I did. I was sick of being miserable all the time. I wanted to smile, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to wake up every morning and find everything to be OK.

This was because of Brady, you know.

He did save me. He barely had to do anything, and already I could see beams of light shining through all the black. I already couldn't imagine going a day without him. I couldn't even remember what my life had been like without him. He was making me _happy_.

He was a miracle. A hero. _Something_.

He was my saviour.

I think I was beginning to fall for him.

I was torn, because half of me wanted to get out, before things got too real and too scary and before all the heartbreak and tears and stuff that was sure to happen, if I allowed myself to love him. But then again, the other half of me wanted to love him, and have him love me and feel safe and secure and happy and cherished and just… _wanted_. I wanted to feel wanted, because I never felt that.

I was trying to ignore the side that wanted to run away, because it always wanted to run, and I could run and run but I would never go anywhere, find anything. There was nothing and nowhere for me to run to. I was sick of having nothing and nowhere. I wanted to have _something_, _somewhere_. I wanted here, with Brady.

I just wanted, bottom line, to be _OK_.

No one wants to feel worthless and inferior their entire life, something that I was quickly learning. I thought that would be all I would ever be able to feel, because I didn't know any better. I didn't _have_ anything better.

Brady had made all that go away, and now I knew what it felt like to wake up in the morning, smiling, happy, _OK_.

So he had saved me.

I got ready for school, I had breakfast, and I left the house. And he was there.

I greeted him with the smile that had never quite left my face, but the one he returned was forced, false. It was like the tables had turned, and I was looking at a reflection of what I used to be. A fake smile, eyes that were depressed and haunted, a person who was only half there.

I didn't want Brady to look like that. I would rather be a total mess of a human being again, then have him be it.

"What's wrong?" were the first things out of my mouth. I didn't know what I could do to help, and even if I could help I probably would end up not being much use, but I wanted to know what was bothering him. It stressed me, to see him so stressed.

He just sighed at me.

I stared at him.

I felt useless. I didn't know what to do, and he wasn't giving me any hints or clues. So I just waited.

"I'm sorry, Nic," he said eventually, after scrutinising me carefully. "I just… had a really bad night."

"Oh," I replied, surprised. "Was it the whole Seth thing, at Collin's house?"

He winced at the sound of Seth's name. "You could say that," was all he said, and I didn't prod or pry for more information. I was a little scared of what I might hear, and plus I didn't think it was any of my business. I didn't know Seth.

I was still convinced he had stormed out because of me. I knew he had. I always trusted my gut instincts, because they were all I knew, and usually they kept my head above water. I just didn't know what exactly I had done. I did want to know, but then again, I'd rather sink my head into the sand and ignore it. I didn't need more reasons to wallow. I wanted to be OK.

So everything was suppressed and I began to walk to school, Brady walking silently beside me.

He kissed me at the school gates, but his heart wasn't in it, I could tell; I couldn't feel anything from it.

And I began to worry.

Was he changing his mind, over me? Had his friends convinced him that I was no good, just a piece of trash with no class and too many emotional problems? Was he drawing the conclusion that I was just too much hard work? Was he plucking up the courage to tell me he couldn't do this anymore?

I was frightened.

And I was shutting down.

Soon, I'd be completely numb. I didn't want to feel this rejection, this hurt. I thought he had taken a chance on me. I thought he wouldn't let me down. He couldn't _do_ this to me, not now, not the day I woke up happy and smiling.

_Please, Brady, don't let me down now._

After school, he was there, waiting. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so afraid that it would have been like yesterday, when he never showed up, and all my hopes that had been so cautiously built up during the day had just fallen. I approached him, unable to help my smile.

He smiled back, and it looked real.

I tried not to tell myself appearances could be deceptive. I didn't want to listen to that negative voice in my head. Yet, I couldn't help overhearing it.

We kept up a trivial chatter on the walk up to my house, filled with comfortable silences. He still looked distracted by something, and I wished he would confide in me. I wanted to help him, even though there was probably no chance that I could. I was useless when it came to advice. I couldn't even help myself out.

I invited him into the house, once we got home. The house was too empty, too quiet during the day, and I didn't want to let Brady go until I absolutely had to. I was so happy, yet so hesitant, when he agreed. I was still so afraid he was going to tell me he couldn't do this anymore.

I was about to go into the living room, like yesterday, when he tugged on my hand and stopped me.

"No," he said. "I want to see your room."

I gazed at him, and he grinned.

"I didn't manage to get a good enough look around, what with my head stuck awkwardly in the window."

I smiled back. "So, you basically just want to nose around my room?"

"More or less," he shrugged, and tilted his head to the side in the most adorable way. Hell, I couldn't say no to that. No human girl could, I would have bet.

Still holding his hand, I led him up the stairs to my room, my heart thudding loudly.

I watched as he examined everything in my room with genuine interest; my guitar, my CDs, my films, my books, posters on the walls, the schoolbooks on my desk, and even stuck his head inside the wardrobe to look at my clothes. I leaned against the wall and folded my arms to keep myself from fidgeting. I was ridiculously nervous about him looking at all my stuff. No one had ever taken an interest before.

Eventually, he sighed and looked around at me, and I had to marvel at how surreal he looked, standing in my room. He was so tall and muscled and beautiful, and almost looked out of place.

"I've something pretty huge to tell you," Brady announced, out of nowhere.

My heart sped up.

"You're married with kids?" I asked half-heartedly, and he smiled.

"Who told you?" he joked, but then shook his head. "Seriously, though. There's something I have to tell you."

I waited nervously, but he just stared at me and didn't say anything else.

"Well, then, what is it?" I said finally, unable to take the anticipation anymore.

_Please, please don't give up on me now…_

"I kind of… don't want to tell you," he said, his eyes looking everywhere now except for me.

"Why not?" I asked, my voice a little shaky. He was making me so nervous.

"I'm afraid you'll run away," he admitted, after a pause. His eyes locked onto mine, and my heart clenched and twisted painfully. Instant terror. I knew I would run. He thought I would run, because he was beginning to learn my habits, and I already knew myself, and I knew and he knew that I was probably going to run. I didn't want to, because he obviously needed me, because he still looked so depressed and stressed and uncertain, and I wanted to help him. But my eyes were already darting towards the door, and I couldn't stop them. I struggled with myself.

"I won't run away," I said, my voice lacking in conviction. No wonder he raised his eyebrows sceptically.

"You will," he shrugged, like he had already accepted it, shutters closing behind his eyes.

I hated that. I wanted him to be able to tell me stuff, without being afraid.

"I'll try not to," I whispered, and I meant it.

He took a deep breath.

He told me everything. He told me the legends and rumours were true. There were such things as werewolves, and vampires. They weren't just the stories the locals liked to tell around Forks and La Push. They were real. And Brady was a werewolf; he was part of a pack. He said that I was his imprint, which meant that I was his other half, and that I meant more to him than anything in the world. He told me that this was something rare, but, he said dryly, maybe it wasn't rare enough.

He told me that Seth had imprinted on me too. He said it wasn't supposed to have happened, and now nobody knew what to do, because Seth apparently was as irrevocably attracted to me as Brady was, but it was a glitch in the system. It had never happened before. And Brady just thought it was time I knew everything, because a solution needed to be figured out, and he wanted me to have a say. Because anything that I wanted, he wanted too.

My head spun. My breathing was uneven. Vivid mental pictures swam in front of my eyes. I didn't know how to believe him… I couldn't… _couldn't_ believe him. This couldn't be _real_. We were living in the _real world_. The _real world_ was pain and regrets and mistakes and battles and fear. Sometimes, it could even be bliss. There were no _fairytales_ in the real world; there were no _werewolves_ or _vampires_, and people didn't find their _other halves_. I couldn't be more important to Brady, or Seth, than anything else. It was _me_. I wasn't _important_.

But Brady made me feel like I was important. He made the real world bliss.

But now I had been thrust right out of the real world, into the land of fairytales, and now I didn't know which one was real, which to believe. I didn't know how to believe Brady. I wasn't sure if I could accept everything that he was telling me, because I didn't know how it could be real.

It was all too scary. Too confusing.

And I wanted to run.

As usual. As usual, I was going to let myself down, and I was going to let Brady down. What was the point in even taking a chance on me? I just ran away from everything.

Brady couldn't be real. I always knew he couldn't, because I always marvelled at how someone like him could be meant for someone like me. At least now I knew the answer. It was because it had all been fictional.

"I knew this wasn't real," I said, and I turned to face the door, turned to run away from him. I took one step.

"Nicole," was all he said.

And it stopped me.

I didn't want to run. I wanted to stay with him. Every gut instinct I had screamed at me to run, but I didn't want to listen to them. I fought all my impulses, I fought all the muscles in my legs that were fighting to break out into a sprint. I fought with myself.

It was so hard, but I turned back around to face him. My eyes pleaded with him to convince me.

_Convince me. Make me believe. Make me stay. Please._

He strode over to me and grabbed me, wrapping me up in his arms and holding me so tightly I almost couldn't breathe. His fingers tangled in my hair and he clung me to him, almost as if he was using all the force in his arms to stop me from leaving. I clung to him too, because I didn't _want_ to run away from him, and I was going to stay. I wanted Brady. I _needed_ Brady. And I could believe him - I _would_ believe him.

"It's OK, it'll be OK," he said, over and over, like a mantra. He pulled away slightly and kissed my forehead, kissed my lips. His kiss was burning and frantic, and I tightened my hold around him, because I couldn't run now. How could I run from something like _this_? Someone like _him_?

He pulled away and stared into my eyes, and I hated the mix of emotions I saw there. Relief and dread. Joy and agony. I would make it better, because I wouldn't run.

"Do you trust me?" he demanded, his eyes deep and intense.

"Yes," I breathed, and he nodded and hugged me tightly again.

"Just trust me, and it'll be OK," he murmured, and my eyes closed. I didn't need anything more than the feeling of his scorching arms wrapped around me. That was all I needed. I did trust him, and I knew it would be OK. I would try to believe everything he had told me, because I wanted him that much. I couldn't return to what I had before, because I had _nothing_ before him.

Strength I didn't know I possessed was making me determined, determined not to give him up for anything, not even my own insecurities. They weren't worth it.

We didn't say anything for a long time. I was content to just hold him, and he must have felt the same. My brain buzzed with questions, but we had time. I didn't need to know the answers right now, I told myself.

My thoughts did wander, and they wandered towards Seth. Was it really true? Did he really feel the same way for me as Brady did? But what did that _mean_? What was expected of _me_? Did I have to choose between them? At this moment in time, it was Brady, without a doubt. But I knew how suddenly and how dramatically things could change. I mean, Brady had come from nowhere, without warning, and now suddenly I couldn't handle being without him. I wasn't sure I could handle things changing again, but was it really fair to Seth to just… let this go? I couldn't just ignore the fact that he cared about me.

And he didn't even know me. This was all so crazy.

Eventually I spoke, and asked the one question I was dying to know the answer to, the question I was unsure that Brady could even answer.

"What about Seth?"

Brady slumped, the arms around me growing limp.

"I don't know," he said, sighing heavily. "For the first time in my life, I really have absolutely nothing to say to him."

That sucked. I knew they were best friends. Why did things like this always have to be my fault?

"I don't know what the hell is going to happen," he continued, and I pulled back to see his face. His eyes were flat and dead, and I wanted to reassure him. I wasn't sure what I could say.

"Does he want to see me?" I asked. Maybe it was a stupid question, but I just needed clarification. Having a relationship this intense with someone who wasn't Brady was just… insane. I could tell, with the way Brady looked at me to the way he acted around me, the way he held me, that he liked me, a lot. Imagining someone else… imagining _Seth_ feeling the same way was too weird and confusing to even contemplate.

"I'm sure he wants to do a hell of a lot more than that, Nicole," Brady snapped, suddenly angry and defensive. "He's as crazy about you as I am."

His eyes were full of resentment, and mine filled up with tears.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, immediately regretful and tightening his arms around me. "I didn't mean to take all this shit out on you."

"Oh, it's OK," I said sadly, shrugging my shoulders a little. "This is all my fault, anyway."

"How?" he demanded, scoffing.

"Because anything that is in any way involved with me becomes tainted," I said, growing more and more upset with every world, because I believed everything that I said. It was all true. "I destroy everything good. I've destroyed your friendship with Seth, because now you both want me, and it's ridiculous anyway because neither of you should want me. I'm not right for either of you," I said, and I was crying now. Brady was shaking his head vehemently and wiping away the tears sliding down my cheeks.

"You're wrong, Nicole. You don't see yourself the way I see you. To me, you're everything that I could ever ask for, and no one else could ever compare to you. Please, don't doubt that."

His words just made me cry a lot more, and I struggled to pull myself together. Brady just held me, and eventually, I calmed down. I gazed tearfully at the wall, my wet cheek pressed against his chest, and began to think.

I should see Seth. I wanted to meet him, find a solution. Find a way to keep everyone happy. This was hurting Brady, I could see that, and whatever hurt Brady hurt me. I was so sick of hurting.

Was it really too much to ask to be _OK_?

I looked up at Brady, determined.

"I want to see Seth," I said.

* * *

**Brady**

Fuck, fuckity, fuck.

I didn't want her to see him.

She'd pick him over me, I knew it. Seth was everything a girl could want.

He was like a pure breed. I was just a mongrel.

Who would you choose?

The pure breed. Obviously. No one wanted the mongrel.

But Nicole wanted to see him, and I couldn't refuse her something that she wanted.

"OK," I said, and I hugged her, but I ached inside.

If she chose Seth over me, I didn't know how I'd ever be able to give her up.

* * *

**Figure.09 - Linkin Park.**

**Thanks so much! x x x**


	8. Taking Over Me

Thanks so much for the reviews, they seriously rock so hard. And espesh Pendragon2, for being just ultimately awesome. Enjoy x

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Eight: Taking Over Me**

_I lie awake and try so hard_

_Not to think of you_

_But who can decide what they dream_

_And dream I do…_

* * *

**Brady**

I am really not fucking happy about this.

This doesn't feel like the _right_ thing to _do_. Here I am, trying _so hard_ to just… get everything _right_, and now I'm in this situation and I want more than anything to run in the opposite direction. Surely this is a bad idea?

Hello? _Someone_? Could I get some fucking _help_, please?

As usual, I'm just going to have to blunder my way through this blindly, and hope to God it doesn't all explode in my face.

I shook my head and tightened my grip on Nicole's hand. She was nervous. I didn't want her to be, but I didn't know what I could say to ease her nerves. I decided to stay silent, because I'd either make things worse or end up saying something I really didn't want to say.

Ugh, I just didn't _want_ this.

I didn't want Nicole and Seth in the same room together.

I had reasons; I wasn't just being a tool for the hell of it. Number One: it was just going to be plain weird. Seth couldn't feel _exactly_ the same way I felt for Nicole. He just couldn't. I refused to believe it. I cared about her more then he ever would. Fact.

Number Two: I was afraid she might sit there comparing the two of us. If she did that, I was royally screwed. I wasn't even in the same league as Seth, and I was just afraid that she'd spend five minutes with him and forget all about me.

Number Three: I didn't want to feel afraid anymore.

I fucking hated admitting when I was afraid, but there you go. I was scared shitless. I didn't want to lose Nicole. I didn't want things to change. I didn't want complications. All I wanted was to just… oh, I don't know what I wanted.

I admit: I'm a selfish bastard. I wanted her all to myself and I didn't want to share, and it killed me that I had to.

It killed me that I wasn't even sure how strongly she felt about me, how easily she would find it to walk away from me.

And it killed me that _she_ wanted this.

Whatever she wants, I want. Absolutely. If she's happy, I'm fucking ecstatic.

But I really _didn't_ want this, but she _did_, and I would do _whatever_ she wanted, so I'm _doing_ this, but I fucking _detest_ this, and this situation was _killing_ me.

But that's what you do for the one you love, I guess.

I gotta do what I gotta do.

Ignore the pain and the fear, Brady, because this is what Nicole wants.

* * *

**Nicole**

Brady was brooding, and I wished I could say something to him to cheer him up a bit, but I knew he was as apprehensive as I was.

He'd called Seth, and we were going around to see him. I had nothing better to do, my parents weren't going to care where I went, and so Brady had told Seth I wanted to see him. Brady's expression twisted when he informed me that Seth couldn't wait to see me. I didn't like it. It was obvious that Brady didn't like it, but I was trying to do the right thing here.

I mean, think of _Seth_.

I couldn't imagine how hard this was for him. Brady could hardly stay away from me for more than a few hours, and if Seth felt the same in any way, then he was suffering. True, I wasn't an expert on this whole _imprinting_ thing, and I wasn't even sure if I still completely believed in it, but I had some sort of idea.

I didn't want somebody suffering because of _me_.

I wasn't worth it.

I still couldn't comprehend how I had managed to stumble into fantasy land, but I was a fast learner, and I was just taking everything as it was right now. I needed time to get my head around everything.

But I'd be damned if I sat back and let Seth suffer while I tried to figure all this out.

I was a human. Yes, I was confused and messed up, but I was still human.

I sighed wearily. I just wanted to do the right thing. I knew I'd never forgive myself if I tried to ignore the whole Seth thing, and just concentrated on my relationship with Brady. I wanted to find a way to keep everyone happy, because there was no way I was going to be a reason for anyone's unhappiness.

I was already the reason for my own.

That was more than enough.

As we approached a large white house, Brady's back seemed to tense, and I immediately realised we were here. I tensed too in reaction; I had no idea what to expect.

It felt like my insides were twisting, and I really began to doubt my sanity. I suddenly doubted everything.

What if this _wasn't_ the right thing to do? What if this was a really bad idea? What if all this succeeded in doing was hurting Brady, hurting Seth, hurting _me_? Damn. I should have realised sooner; I probably should have known. Brady should have known, too - every decision I make is a bad one, usually. Decision-making is not my forte.

Too late, now.

Brady was silent and tense as he rapped on the door, his jaw set in a hard line. His eyes were cold. I didn't like it. I squeezed on his hand, and he looked down at me, and his eyes softened. He squeezed my hand back, and I didn't feel nervous or afraid anymore.

No matter what happened, I'd always have Brady.

* * *

**Brady**

Ah, fuck it.

I'd get through this. For her.

Fuck Seth.

If he said one thing that I didn't like, I was taking her out of there, because she didn't need this shit. I was not going to allow for confusion or uncertainty. This was very black and white with me. It was a friendly Seth, a non-committed Seth, or no Seth at all.

I know that I sounded heartless when I said that I honestly didn't give a shit if he had imprinted on her.

She was _mine_.

I got to her _first_.

So this would be _my_ way, or the fucking _high_ way.

I tried to ignore the cold and nagging feeling, the one that reminded me of how I always managed to fuck things up, and asking why this time would be any different. Since when had I ever gotten anything right? What made me think I could get _this_ right?

_This_ was the most impossible situation in the world.

And _me_ and _Nicole_ had to find the solution?

We had no clue _what_ we were doing. This was _insane_.

My life was insane.

In-fucking-sane.

* * *

**Seth**

I tried not to wrench the door open.

I tried not to stare at her too much.

I tried not to find little excuses to touch her.

I _tried_, damn it.

It was so hard. She was just so incredible, and I just wanted time to stop so that I could sit with her forever. But I had to watch my every move, because Brady was watching me closely.

This situation was foreign to all of us, and it sucked rocks. I was afraid that if I put one toe out of line, Brady would take her away from me. And you know, he had every right to.

The winner takes it all.

Finders, keepers.

The really selfish part of me wanted to stand up and scream, though. _What about me?_ Why wasn't _I_ being taken into consideration? What about how I felt? Did Brady even care, because it didn't appear like he did. And what did Nicole think of all of this? I wished I could ask her.

I daren't.

We just… sat.

In my living room. Nicole took the couch, and Brady sat beside her, his hand clamped firmly around hers. I ached, a little. I wished that I could hold her hand, too.

I racked my brain for something to compare this too… it was like only having one lung. I couldn't breathe properly. Nicole was the equivalent to my other lung… but Brady needed her to breathe, too. We couldn't share it.

Yet, I was so desperate to know what it was like to be able to breathe fully, without pain, just once.

_Just once. _

There was nothing but an excruciating, awkward silence, but I almost felt oblivious to it. I knew it was there, but it didn't affect me. I just sat in my own armchair, separated from the couple, and gazed at Nicole. She stared at her hands, her gaze flickering upwards to Brady, and to me, but never for too long. Every little thing she did fascinated me, and I was entranced.

I just wanted to sit there forever, gazing at her, memorising her. I didn't know when my next chance to see her again would be.

I wasn't even sure if I had a chance at all.

* * *

**Brady**

Oh. God. Kill. Me. Now…

Awkward.

I've never felt so _awkward_ in my entire life.

It's too quiet.

It's too tense.

If someone doesn't say something soon, I'm going to get up and start fucking tap-dancing or something. Anything. All this silence and tension is fucking _killing_ me.

I kept opening my mouth to say irrelevant shit, like comments on the weather, and asking after Leah, but I forced myself to say nothing. It'd just make it worse.

I knew what we should talk about. I was sure we all knew what we should be talking about.

We were scared, I guess. I knew I was.

I just shut the fuck up and decided to wait, and see who would crack first. I wouldn't let it be me. I wanted to be strong, for Nicole.

My pissed-off-meter was slowly climbing higher, though. He kept staring at her. Could he not keep his eyes to himself? It was annoying me, and I tried to ignore it, because I would not be typical crazy jealous guy.

I'd try not to be, anyway.

I wasn't making any promises.

Oh, _fuck_. I'm actually going to scream in a minute if someone doesn't open their goddamn mouths and speak…

* * *

**Nicole**

It was kind of… awkward.

I didn't know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. I was waiting for them to say something first. I mean, they knew more about all this wolf stuff then I did. Surely they had some idea of what they were going to do, right?

I didn't know.

I just waited for something to happen, not liking the idea of breaking the silence with something that _I_ had to say. I'd probably say something that would just be useless. I thought it would be best if I just said nothing at all.

The silence stretched on for a million forevers.

Seth continued to gaze at me. I didn't mind this so much, but whenever I met his gaze… I just… couldn't help _staring_. I didn't for long, but still. He was so handsome, but in such a different way from Brady. Brady was gorgeous in a rugged way, and Seth was gorgeous in a boy band type of way. They were opposites.

But I felt sick because I shouldn't be sitting here comparing the two, because there should be no comparison. I felt so strongly for Brady, and I didn't ever want to be apart from him, or without him. I was a little disgusted with myself. I had been finally handed this totally amazing guy, and he was everything I had ever wanted, could ever want, and so much more, and he was everything I didn't deserve. Seth couldn't come between that. I wouldn't let him.

But I was… curious.

* * *

**Brady**

If someone doesn't say something right now, I swear to God…

Oh, thank fuck.

Seth opened his mouth to speak.

"So, this is kind of awkward, huh?"

No shit, Sherlock.

What the fuck kind of stupid statement is _that_? Well, _duh_. Round of applause. Clap, clap for the handicap.

I dearly wanted to say something derisive, and I was only half-heartedly trying to stop myself, but then Nicole spoke and I forgot about everything.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I hate feeling awkward."

Shit. I wanted to take that away, and make her feel OK.

And judging by the look on Seth's face, so did he.

This was too fucking hard. I didn't know if I could do it.

I wanted to leave.

I couldn't.

That would be selfish. Weak. Stupid.

I was already trying to justify myself, though.

The only reason this was awkward was because Seth and I were in the same room together, and neither of us were used to this. If I were to leave, then so would some of the tension. It would be better for Nicole, and maybe she and Seth could talk and…

I didn't want to finish my sentence. I didn't know what I wanted to happen there.

I stood up, and Nicole jumped.

"What…?" she started to ask.

"I have to make a phone call," I lied. "I'll be right back."

"OK," she nodded uncertainly, sitting up a little straighter in her chair. She looked a little apprehensive at the thought of being left alone with Seth, but she'd be alright. As much as I was loath to admit it, she'd be safe with him. Just as safe as she would be with me.

I didn't want to look at Seth, because any sign of happiness on his face at the thought of being alone with Nicole might have killed me. I'd rather torture myself with maybes instead.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes was all I was going to give them, and that was all I would be able to take. Then I was taking her the hell out of here.

* * *

**Seth**

I didn't know what Brady was up to, but I was suspicious.

For as long as I had known him, he'd always been so protective over anything he considered his. The Brady I had once known probably wouldn't have left me alone with his imprint, if he knew how much I cared about her too. He just wouldn't. It was the way he was.

Maybe I just didn't know him anymore.

He left the room, and Nicole tucked her bright blue hair behind her ears self-consciously. She began fidgeting. She scratched her arm, she crossed her legs, she chewed on the edge of her lips. I almost forgot that it was my cue to say something, as I was so fascinated.

But thankfully, something woke me up. I mightn't get another chance to get to know her like this. I was going to make the best of it.

The past day had been almost unbearable. It had been nothing but dark, and all I could feel was pain, because I had talked myself into never seeing Nicole, and the thought nearly suffocated me.

I was not about to give this moment up.

"Hi," I said.

Oh my God, _what_ was _that_?

Thank God Brady wasn't here. He'd have had a field day with that.

Hopefully, she wouldn't register my blush. Gah. Stupid Seth.

But she smiled, instead of looking at me like I was the idiot that I am.

I had made her smile. Even if it was for just me being stupid, her smile made my heart swell fit to bursting.

"Hi," she replied, glancing shyly down at her knees. There was a pause. "I guess we never really properly introduced ourselves," she added.

"I'm Seth," I said, without hesitation. Then I cringed. I should win an award for being stupid.

"I'm Nicole," she told her knees.

"Can I call you Nicky?" I asked, and she actually laughed. I committed the sound to my memory.

"If you want," she grinned, and I noticed how she couldn't meet my eyes for more than a few seconds. "Can I call you Sethy?"

"Not if you expect me to answer," I said, and she smiled again, and met my gaze.

Her eyes. They were so deep, yet so impenetrable. So soft and beautiful, yet they hid so much, underneath the surface. I wanted to break through those walls, and I wanted to know this girl inside out and I wanted to make her smile every day and there was so much that I wanted… and I didn't even know if I could have it all.

I ached, and it hurt, yet I just smiled at my other half and pretended I was OK.

* * *

**Nicole**

I couldn't get over how comfortable I felt with him.

It was just like being with Brady. There was nothing I felt compelled to say, no one I felt compelled to be. I just sat there, and I was _me_, and I could smile, and I meant it. It amazed me. Now there was two people, two truly unbelievable people who could make me feel like this.

I was a little afraid I was getting greedy. The world had been so cold to me before, and then I had been handed Brady, and now there was warmth. But just because Seth was in front of me, didn't mean I could just reach out and take him too. I had to draw a line somewhere, or else this would all get too confusing, and eventually big mistakes would be made, because there would have been no boundaries, no rules.

I needed to be careful.

Seth and I sat there, and we just… talked.

It was so easy, so effortless. Just like being with Brady. Yet it was… different. Seth was so different. He liked different music, different films… he had a cheeky sense of humour compared to Brady's dry humour. He was a totally different person to Brady.

I liked him.

It was just the little things, from the way he looked at me to the way he hung on my every word, that reminded me too much of Brady, and too much of this situation. I hated the reminders. It just reminded me of the real world, and responsibilities, and the long term effects of my actions now. I had to be _careful_, or else this would all go horribly wrong, and it would be my fault.

I was laughing at a joke when Brady came back.

He looked at me, and his jaw clenched. He didn't look at Seth.

I felt guilty. I wasn't sure why, but I did.

"I think we should go, Nic," he said, and I nodded. I wanted to stay just a little longer, but I didn't want to push it, either.

Baby steps.

I stood up, and Seth copied me, springing to his feet. He looked extremely unsure, and almost afraid, and I wasn't sure how to say goodbye.

"Nicole," Brady urged, and I could tell he was dying to leave. His fists were clenched. I wanted to scream for time to stop, just so I could _think_ for a minute.

I glanced up at Seth, who was gazing at me, and I made up my mind.

I hugged him.

I just… didn't like the idea of him suffering, now that I had some idea of who he was. He was such a lovely guy, and he didn't deserve to have had this situation thrown at him. None of us did. Not even me.

He was roasting, his skin burning just like Brady's. He wrapped his enormous arms around me, tentatively, gently, almost like he was afraid to touch me.

I let go.

"Bye, Seth," I said quietly, and turned to face Brady again. His face was expressionless.

"Bye, Nicky," Seth said, just as quietly, and I couldn't help the half smile that formed on my face. Brady stiffened at my seemingly new nickname, and began to frown. "Bye, Brady," Seth added, his tone unsure. I glanced up at Brady, who was staring at Seth. Looking at them now, I never would have believed they had been best friends. They were like strangers with each other, now.

There was a minute of ringing silence.

"See you, Seth," Brady said eventually, and reached out his hand to me. I took it, and allowed myself to be led out of Seth's house.

Brady was quiet the entire way back to my house. He held my hand tightly, but he didn't say a word, and he was brooding again. I, once again, had no idea of what to say that would help, so I just stayed silent.

My parent's car was parked outside my house, and I realised with a sinking heart that Brady would have to go. I had yet to tell them about him, and even though I didn't think they would care I felt there was a certain obligation. I couldn't even imagine my parents meeting Brady, though. I just couldn't see it happening.

Brady stopped outside my door and let go of my hand.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised.

"OK," I said, and I stood on tiptoe so that I could kiss him. His arms wrapped around me tightly, and he kissed me back fiercely, lifting my feet up off of the ground. I was breathless when he finally let me go.

He still looked a bit upset though.

"Are you OK?" I breathed, my head still swirling.

"Yeah," he shrugged, placing me gently back onto my feet. He didn't meet my eyes.

"Hey," I said, and I waited until he looked at me. I had to make this better. I had to reassure him. I had to somehow let him know that I wasn't planning on letting Seth come between us. I wouldn't give Brady up for anybody.

"I love you," I said for the first time. And I meant it.

His eyes lit up and he stared at me for a moment, before raising his hand to stroke my cheek.

"And I love you," he replied, and I blushed furiously.

I couldn't believe I was actually saying these words to someone, and hearing them say it back. I thought that only happened in the movies. But this was real, and it was really happening to me. I registered every second, storing it away in my mind so that I could remember it forever.

He kissed me again, gentle and soft this time, and when he pulled away he looked happier, and more like the usual Brady.

"Tomorrow," he said, and I smiled at him.

I watched him walk away, before stumbling into the house.

Seth tried to creep into my thoughts for the rest of the day, but I kept pushing him out. I was trying to tell myself it would be best to think about that situation when I absolutely had to. And I was trying not to remember the afraid and hopeful and uncertain expression on his face as I had left.

He haunted my dreams that night, though. All I could see was him, so alone and so scared, and I knew that I could help him, but I just stood there and didn't move at all. When I woke up, I realised how much hate I had for this situation. I detested it with a passion. I didn't want Seth to be all alone, afraid and unsure, when I knew that all he needed was my presence to be OK.

I didn't want Brady to be upset, because I knew that my being with Seth, even for just ten minutes, had been hard on him, and I loved Brady and I just wanted to make him happy.

As for me, I just wanted to be OK. I wanted them all to be OK.

Catch 22. I wanted to help Seth, and I wanted to be friends with Seth, but I was afraid that it might affect my relationship with Brady.

I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

Why did everything have to be so damn _complicated_?

I really didn't know what to do. I had no help, so I was just going to have to rely on my instincts. I wanted to try and find the middle ground, the equilibrium. The magical solution that would keep everyone happy.

I just prayed to God that everything wouldn't backfire on me, and I'd end up with no one.

* * *

**Taking Over Me - Evanescence.**

**Thanks for reading! lurrve xxx**


	9. That's What You Get

Fwoff. Did everyone have a nice Xmas? Hope you all gots loadsa stuff! I got a new phone, which I am quite delighted with, lol. I'm just back from Scotland (it was COLD) but we got no snow. Aw. Anyway, just some stuff before you all read on: THANK YOU so much for the reviews!! They are AWESOME, and it was just glorious arriving back home to them! I just want to say that there'll be no sex in this story (so if that's what you're waiting on, shoo) (lol); it's only rated M because of all of Brady's cursing. A few of you have mentioned to me that his cursing might be a bit much, but let me ask you this: can you actually imagine my Brady now without any cursing? When I first started thinking about the idea for this story, Brady sorta did a Harry Potter and walked into my head, fully formed. The cursing is like his defence mechanism, and he barely thinks about it, really, and he uses it to sound tougher because then it makes him feel tough, too. As we know by now though, he's kind of a softie underneath. So cursing won't really be limited that much, so sorry about that. ANYWAY! MOVING ON! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER, CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!! x x x x :D

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Nine: That's What You Get**

_Why do we like to hurt so much?_

_That__'__s what you get when you let your heart win_

_I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating_

_And that__'__s what you get when you let your heart win__…_

* * *

**Brady**

_Nicky_. What the fuck kind of a pet name is that? He isn't even _allowed_ a pet name. Bastard. I give him ten minutes and already he has a pet name for her.

It pissed me off to mega proportions. It stung.

But at least she loved me.

I'd let Seth call her a thousand pet names over and over again, just as long as she loved me.

I didn't think she'd ever say those words to me. I mean, I was ecstatic that she did, but I hadn't expected it. We'd known each other for such a short time, and to be saying those sort of things so soon is a little crazy.

But everything is crazy. Everything.

So I guess we're allowed to love each other, right?

I'll never stop loving her.

But what douses me in icy water, is the fact that Seth feels the same.

Maybe it isn't love for them yet, because they've only just met, but Seth is dangerously infatuated, and Nicole is… I don't know how she feels about him.

She loves me. I should feel secure enough to ask.

But I'm fucking afraid.

I guess, that I know she _cares_…

Otherwise, she probably wouldn't have taken the initiative to go and visit him. She might have done what I'm doing, which is blocking my eyes and ears and praying it's a nightmare and I'll wake up soon.

Is it so sick that I wish she didn't care?

I want Seth out of the picture. I want to shove him out.

But I can't.

I'm not that much of a bastard. The guy was my friend. He doesn't deserve this shit. It's not his fault.

I shouldn't blame him, because he did nothing, but I still do.

I just want to blame someone, and he's the easy target.

Ugh. Why won't all of this just _fuck off_?

I hate this. I hate everything about this.

But at least Nicole loves me. I'll endure.

* * *

**Nicole**

In school I was a little distracted, but I could hardly concentrate on school right now, for goodness sake.

Those blonde bitches I call "friends" were hardly going to offer me any advice, were they?

Yet I sat with them in the cafeteria, because I wanted a place to fit into, some form of acceptance. But all I did was eat my food and stare at my hands and think about Brady and Seth.

I couldn't figure out a solution. There were pieces to the puzzle missing, parts of all this that I didn't fully understand, and I wished someone would fill me in, so I could have some clue as to what I was doing.

The only solution I could see was to repeat yesterday, although maybe not in such an awkward way. I vowed that I would find a way to keep everyone happy.

I would, if it was the last thing I did.

When school ended for the day, I rushed outside eagerly to see Brady. He had walked me to school this morning, not before we had made out in the driveway for a couple of breathless minutes. My heart went all jumpy whenever I thought about him, and I felt like such a typical teenager, but I never thought I would get to experience all this typical teenager stuff.

It was kind of fun.

My "friends" always turned boys into such dramas, making situations out to be much bigger and more interesting than they actually were. They knew nothing of complicated boy situations.

At all.

But to make my life that little bit extra complicated and confusing, I was greeted by a different person than the one I was expecting, outside the school gates.

Seth.

"Hi," he said, appearing in front of me, wearing a sheepish grin.

"Oh, hi!" I said, flushing. I was surprised, yet delighted to see him. Maybe a bit _too_ delighted. I wasn't sure what to make of that.

His eyes were soft and warm, and his smile was genuine and a little crooked, his sandy hair hanging in his eyes.

"How are you?" he asked, cutting off the million questions I was about to ask.

"I'm OK," I said, shrugging a little. "How are you?"

"Fine, now," he said, and the last word was almost a whisper.

It broke my heart, just a little bit.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, wishing I felt brave enough to reach up and push his hair out of his eyes.

His face fell. "Do you not want me here?" he asked, subdued.

"No!" I exclaimed, a bit too loudly. "I do want you here - I mean, I'm glad you're here, I just…" I trailed off, because I wasn't explaining myself right, and I was being stupid now.

Seth smiled. "I get it," he said, and I was relieved. He knew what I was trying to say. "I'm here because… I just… wanted to see you," he muttered, hanging his head.

Almost like he was guilty.

Suddenly, the guilt hit me like a bag of bricks, too.

I wasn't sure why. Surely Seth was allowed to come and see me sometimes? Surely I was allowed to be delighted to see him? Surely I was allowed to _want_ him there?

Shouldn't Brady be OK with that?

I had a funny feeling I already knew the answer to that question.

But who said what we were _allowed_ to do, anyway? Who the hell was making the _rules_ in this situation?

"OK," I replied, struggling with myself, struggling with the guilt.

I shouldn't feel guilty, right? I wanted to see Seth, he wanted to see me. That had to be OK, right? We weren't doing anything wrong.

_Right_?

Seth raised his head, and he looked so forlorn and desolate and I just wanted to help him.

I was the only one who could.

"I wanted to see you too," I said.

Seth searched my face for signs of a lie, but when he saw none, the smile returned.

"Really?" he asked, hopefully.

"Yeah," I said, looking down at my feet.

"Oh," he said, and I could hear his relief and his joy in that one syllable.

I wasn't able to decide what I was feeling at that moment; my emotions were mixed and scrambled and I felt too many things at once. But I think I was happy. I was happy he was happy.

"What the absolute fuck are you doing here?"

My head snapped up.

Brady was standing behind Seth, his eyes fierce and defensive. Seth whipped around immediately to face him, wary and hopeless, once again.

They sized each other up for a moment, and I waited, my heart pounding, my hands clutching at my face. This was not good…

"I'm not allowed to see her now, am I?" Seth demanded suddenly, insolently.

"No, you're not," Brady snapped. "'Cos she's _mine_."

I opened my mouth to intervene, but I didn't get a chance.

"She's not _yours_, Brady. You don't _own_ her. She can make her own decisions," Seth said, his fists shaking.

Brady looked furious. "You don't fucking own her either! You've no _claim_. You can't just turn up whenever the fuck you feel like it-"

"What if she _wants_ me to turn up?" Seth challenged, and Brady fell silent. His eyes flickered onto me and back again, narrowing.

Guilt swamped me, once again.

"I love the fact that you're standing your ground, Seth," Brady began sarcastically, "but you're really pissing me off and I'd advise you to fuck off before I reach my limit-"

"No," Seth said loudly, interrupting. "_You__'__re_ not controlling this situation. I am sick of _you_ telling _me_ what to do. I have a say here too, you know! I refuse to sit back and do nothing, just because _you_ don't want me near her. Do you have any idea how _hard_ this is for me? Do you have _any_ idea how much it _hurts_?" he demanded, his voice cracking on the last word.

My fingernails were digging into my cheeks.

Brady started looking in every direction except for Seth's, and didn't answer.

Seth was breathing heavily, his fists still shaking, but he looked determined.

There was a pause, an awkward and loaded pause.

"Go," Brady said eventually, still gazing at nothing.

"No," Seth shook his head. "She _wants_ me here."

Brady finally snapped, his eyes locking onto Seth's, bright with fury.

"Well, I don't! So fuck off!"

Seth looked for a split second like he was about to cry, but he quickly controlled his expression. I knew how he felt.

"Brady, I'm not going," he said, but the determination in his voice was weaker than before.

"Do you want me to make you?" Brady threatened.

"Stop!" I yelled, unable to take anymore. "Just stop it!"

Both of their heads snapped towards me.

I stood there, red marks on my face from where my nails had scratched the skin, my breathing uneven, tears in my eyes. I was transfixed by them.

On the left, stood Seth. Blue jeans, a white shirt, sandy hair, tall, muscled, desolate, determined.

On the right, stood Brady. Black jeans, topless, black hair, tall, muscled, angry, frustrated.

They were so different. Poles apart.

Yet they had the exact same look in their eyes, as they gazed at me.

Want.

_Need_.

It frightened me. I didn't think I could do this anymore. I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to run.

I brushed past both of them, walking away.

"Nicole," they protested, at the same time. With another pang, I noticed how Brady's husky voice contrasted with Seth's high and clear one.

I stopped, because I was in this too deep to walk away from them. I looked over my shoulder, and they were almost side by side, facing me, both of them expressionless. But their eyes gave it all away.

"I am not a possession," I stated, rather dramatically. "I'm not some _thing_ that you two can fight over. I have an opinion too. But I just need to _think_, and I need you to stop fighting, and I need _time_ to figure it out. So just…_stop_…" I said, and my shoulders sagged, the fight draining from me.

This was too hard.

Both guys took a step towards me, concerned, but then froze, and glared at each other.

I hated this.

"I'm going home," I mumbled, and started walking again. I kept my eyes ahead of me, ignoring the people who still loitered around the school building, who had been watching the scene interestedly. I heard nothing behind me, and I didn't know what the two guys were doing, or saying, but at that moment I didn't have the strength to care.

I had escaped the school, turned the corner, when I felt arms around me, strong and sure and scorching arms. And I just knew it was Brady, even before I heard his voice.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was really fucking idiotic, as usual. I'm sorry you had to watch that."

"Where's Seth?" I asked, leaning into him, because I needed the warmth and the comfort.

"He went home," Brady answered, in a strange tone. I looked up at his face, and he was glaring straight ahead of him, and I couldn't make out his expression. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong (even though that question was the stupidest thing I could ever come out with) but he spoke before I could.

"Nicole, what do you want?" he asked me, and I was caught off guard.

"What?"

"What do you _want_?" he repeated, still glaring ahead of him. "I mean, he kept saying that you wanted him there… he doesn't lie, and neither do you… I _need_ to know what you want, Nicole. Anything that you want, you can have it. If you want him, then…"

He couldn't finish his sentence. He tried to, but he couldn't.

I hastened to interject.

"Brady, I want _you_," I said. "I love _you_. But… but… I don't think we should just… order Seth around and tell him what to do. I can't imagine how difficult this is for him, and he's _hurting_, Brady," I pleaded. His face twisted. "I don't want him suffering, if at least _I _could do something to make everything _better,_" I said.

Brady stopped walking, and because his arms held me so tightly, I stopped walking, too.

"Is it so horrible of me not to want you anywhere near him?" he asked me, in a hushed tone of voice.

"_Why_ would you want that?" I asked, aghast. He couldn't be that heartless.

"In case… I wouldn't be enough, anymore," he said, and he still wouldn't look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"In case… you stop seeing me, and only see him. And I'm just not enough anymore. I'll never be half the man that Seth is, and I guess I'm afraid you'll see that too, and then I'll just…" he trailed off, exhaling loudly.

My eyes filled up with tears. He wasn't heartless. He was afraid. He didn't want to lose me. Well, I didn't want to lose him, not so soon after finding him.

"Brady, you are more than enough," I said quietly.

He just sighed again, and turned to face me properly, and hugged me so tightly I thought my ribs would break.

"You can be friends with Seth," he mumbled into my shoulder.

"Thank you," I said, closing my eyes and hugging him back with all the strength I could muster.

I didn't deserve him.

There was a part of me though, which screamed at me to tell Brady to keep me away from Seth, like he wanted to. To tell Brady not to let me become friends with Seth.

Because I was _Nicole_.

Nicole couldn't do anything right.

No matter what Nicole did, it was never enough.

It was always wrong.

But I wanted Seth's friendship too much.

I blocked out the voices in my head, and listened to what my heart wanted, what my instincts were telling me.

It all came down to what _I_ wanted, in the end.

Huh.

What I wanted.

Did I even know?

* * *

**That's What You Get - the fabulous Paramore. I thought this song was so perfect for this chapter, if you really listen to the lyrics. ;)**

**Thank you for reading! x x x**


	10. The Kill

Aw, thanks for the reviews. You're all so great. Well, there's only five more chapters to this story, and then it's done! You'll finally find out who she chooses and what the conclusion is... although, it's actually hinted at in past chapters. Subtle hints, and maybe sentences you'd overlook, but there are clues, if you look for them... haha. Now, I'm kinda nervous for this chapter coz it's really shit-hits-fan-hard and I just hope I managed to pull it off. So please let me know if you think I did! Cheers x x x x

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Ten: The Kill**

_Come break me down_

_Bury me, bury me_

_I am finished with you_

_Look in my eyes_

_You__'__re killing me, killing me_

_All I wanted was you__…_

* * *

**Brady**

OK, so _maybe_ I overreacted.

He was annoying me though.

I gave him ten minutes.

He gives her a pet name.

And he decides he can see her whenever he wants.

Bastard.

I'm really starting to hate his guts.

Despite that, I still feel bad for the guy. I mean, I wouldn't wish suffering on anybody, least of all him. I felt so guilty for going off at him like that, because I had been harsh and horrible and bastard-like and I didn't honestly mean half the things I said. But he had wandered onto my turf and I just got defensive, and a part of me is calling me a fucking idiot again, and another is patting me on the back.

It was messed up.

I don't want to care.

Yet I do.

Ugh.

I do miss him, sometimes. He was my friend, and I really do want to be friends with him again, but I don't think I can. It's like he's standing on the periphery of my life, ready and waiting to snatch everything I care about away from me. I just can't bring myself to… _trust_ him.

When the trust is gone, you can't remain friends.

I trust _her_. Of course I trusted Nicole. I just didn't trust him around her, and I wasn't sure how offended she'd be if he tried anything. Or if she'd be offended at all.

Gah, no, I couldn't torture myself like that. If I believed that anything could or would happen between them, and I was _letting_ it, then I'd just drive myself fucking demented.

I had an idea, one that had been bugging me constantly for a while now. I just wasn't sure whether or not I had the guts to even attempt it.

I couldn't stop thinking about it, though. If I got Seth to agree, then we could just _end_ this… be done with all this uncertainty and shit.

Well, it wasn't the best idea in the world, and it could easily backfire on me, but I wasn't fucking Einstein, for fuck's sake.

I just didn't _want_ this anymore. I didn't want to have to keep looking over my shoulder, afraid of Seth being too close behind me, ready to snatch Nicole from right in front of my face.

I wanted to be _done_. Finished.

My idea would certainly solve that problem. But I was just a bit nervous. If Seth didn't agree, or if it didn't go the way I thought it would, then I was seriously fucked.

* * *

**Nicole**

Brady let me go to Seth's house after school the next day. I could tell he didn't want me to, and he was a little grumpy when he picked me up in the morning to walk me to school. I still felt kind of guilty, because I didn't want to cause him all this stress and angst. But then again, I'd feel guilty if I didn't spend any time with Seth at all. I couldn't get his expression from yesterday out of my head.

I was nervous and fidgety when I arrived, but when Seth answered the door, he beamed this humongous happy smile and there was no way I could feel uncomfortable around him, because he so obviously wanted me there.

He was a big kid. He liked Star Wars, he still played video games, he listened to high school bands like Blink 182, and he thought 'Dude, Where's My Car?' was the best film ever.

You couldn't _not_ like Seth. I really liked him. There was just something so innocent and pure about him, and he was so funny. I just enjoyed his company. He was fun to be around, and the hours flew.

But then something happened.

We were sitting on the floor of the living room, leaning against the couch, having a thumb war, and I was losing. Seth was laughing at my feeble attempts to gain a victory, and I was determinedly struggling. He very obviously let me win, after a fierce battle.

"Seth, that's just insulting," I protested.

"I did not let you win, stop harping on about it," he grinned, rolling his eyes.

"I am not _harping_."

"You are harping. Quit harping," he chuckled.

"Huh," I said, trying not to smile. "Well, you let me win, and don't even deny it. There's no way-"

"Nicole," he cut me off with a sigh, "didn't I just tell you to stop harping?"

I couldn't help but laugh, and he joined in, and we just laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

I calmed down first, and I just watched him laugh. Watching him laugh made me happy. I felt kind of… I don't know, _protective_ over him, or something. I knew I didn't want him to be hurting. I wasn't really sure _how_ I felt about him. I was curious to find out, but what I knew was, it was definitely different to how I felt about Brady.

He calmed down too, and he just stared at me, smiling. I gazed back, my eyes tracing over his face, memorising it.

We just… stared. For the longest time. I didn't want to look away; I had kind of gone into a trance, and it appeared he had done the same.

My mind had gone foggy, and there was _something_ in the space between us… something intense, something new.

I didn't know what it was. I was a little scared of it.

And then Seth started inching closer to me.

Inside, I panicked. What was he _doing_? Why was he moving _closer_? What was he expecting would happen?

Outside, though, I was frozen, watching his every slow shuffle forwards, every blink, every slightly uneven breath he took. I watched him, trying to figure out what he was thinking, what he was planning. What he was hoping to achieve.

I inhaled sharply when he suddenly propelled himself forward with his hands, so that he was sitting right next to me, our legs touching. His entire torso was turned in my direction, and I could only stare, wide eyed, afraid of what was about to happen.

He continued to inch closer to me.

I don't know why I wasn't pulling away. I didn't think I could.

I was just frozen. My mind was in a whirl, and I could barely breathe, and I couldn't move. I just sat there, watching him lean closer and closer to me.

His eyes were questioning me; they were hesitant, unsure, and I did nothing to assure him, to dissuade him. I just watched and waited, my breathing becoming shallower.

He stopped, his lips mere centimetres from mine. Our eyes were still open, and even if I had wanted to, I couldn't break away from his gaze. It was like I could read his mind, see into his soul, just by looking into his eyes. He was looking at me like… like I was everything he had ever wanted, and everything he wasn't sure he could have.

His eyes were so haunted and beautiful, and I was entranced.

Then something broke through my cloudy thoughts.

He was waiting on me. He wanted me to initiate the kiss.

If there were to be a kiss at all. I hadn't planned on a kiss. I didn't even know if I wanted a kiss.

Now aware of this, I realised all I would have to do would be to tilt my head slightly, and raise my chin the smallest bit, and our lips would be touching. We were that close.

His breath blew in my face, as ragged and uneven as mine. My heart was banging loudly against my ribcage, and my insides were twisting with anticipation.

I didn't know what I wanted.

I didn't know if I wanted to be kissing Seth.

I just… didn't know.

But I was still curious.

What if I had met Seth first? What would be different? What would be the same?

What would I feel if I were to kiss him right now…?

I couldn't take the anticipation any longer.

I closed my eyes, and my chin began to raise upwards, of its own accord. I hadn't told it to.

I was still conflicted. I still didn't know.

Yet I was reaching, waiting…

Then suddenly my lips brushed against his, and it was too late, because now I was kissing Seth.

It was so different.

His lips were soft, not rough, like Brady's.

There was no stubble, like Brady had.

My skin didn't erupt into flames, like it did when Brady kissed me.

_Brady_.

And I was kissing Seth.

_Brady_.

Oh no.

I pulled away, and ducked my head. No. I couldn't be kissing Seth, because I loved Brady.

And Nicole screws everything up again.

I tried not to cry. I felt even more tainted than usual.

"Nicole," Seth said softly, but I couldn't look at him, couldn't answer him. "Nic?" he tried again, after a pause.

"What?" I muttered, trying not to snap, trying not to be angry. But I was totally _enraged_, at _myself_, for letting this happen. I just wanted time to stop, and I wanted Seth to shut up, and I wanted to sit here with my eyes closed and pretend it hadn't happened, pretend everything was going to be OK.

"What now?" Seth asked, and he breathed out, and I felt it tickling the top of my hair.

"I don't know," I answered, squeezing my eyes shut.

_Please, make this go away__…_

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Seth pressed. "What does this mean? What do I mean now, to you?" He sounded unsure and afraid again.

"I don't know," I repeated.

"Nicole-" he began, and I could hear the beginning of his frustration, and I snapped.

"I don't know, Seth!" I said loudly, and scrambled to my feet. "I have to go."

"No, don't go-"

But I ran away from him.

It was scary. I couldn't think. I had to run.

* * *

**Seth**

Damn. Damn, damn, double damn.

I shouldn't have done that.

It was stupid.

But I just… wanted to know.

I didn't bother chasing after her, because it was clear she didn't want to be in my company anymore. I had pushed her too far.

This was so frustrating.

We'd been getting along so well. I could make her laugh. She fascinated me. It made me think that maybe this could work, you know? Maybe it wouldn't have to be so hard all the time. Brady and I could make some attempt at sharing her. I mean, it wasn't ideal by any means, but at least it was _something_. As long as I could spend some time with her, and as long as I knew I was going to see her again, then I felt OK.

Like I said, it wasn't ideal, but it was so much better than my attempt at removing myself from the picture.

That would never work. I needed Nicole. She was the reason for my whole life right now, and I just didn't exist without her.

I hoped I hadn't screwed it all up, now.

I just… _wanted to know_.

I didn't even think she _would_ kiss me. I knew she was _with_ Brady. But I just wanted one taste of the forbidden fruit, just to know what it felt like to _taste_, to _touch_, something so wonderful, something I wanted so badly but could never fully own.

Nicole.

I looked into her eyes, and I could see everything that she felt, and I could see all of who she was, and it killed me.

I wanted to call her mine so badly, but I couldn't.

She'd never be fully mine, truly mine.

I'd always have to compete with Brady.

My blood ran cold. I had to tell him. I couldn't keep this from him. It would just hurt him worse if he were to ever find out later. My face twisted. This would hurt him, no matter what. I didn't want to hurt him. I thought he was being unfair and selfish and a tool, but he was my friend. I didn't want to see him hurt.

But I didn't lie. I wouldn't lie, not over something like this.

There was a sudden knock on my door, and I launched myself off of the floor, Nicole consuming my head. I flung the door open.

I blinked. It was Brady.

He looked sour and his fists were clenched, but he didn't look like he wanted to rip my head off.

He couldn't know yet. He must have just missed Nicole.

If he knew, I probably wouldn't still be standing upright.

"I have an idea," he said, grimacing and glaring warily at me.

"There's something you should know," I blurted.

* * *

**Nicole**

I ran home. There was no one there, and I sat in the living room, perched on the edge of the couch, chewing my nails.

Why did I have to screw everything up?

Why couldn't I just do it right for once?

I shouldn't have let that kiss with Seth happen. As if I wanted everything to become even more complicated. Was I trying to cause more trouble? Was I trying to create a bigger rift between Seth and Brady? Was I trying to hurt everyone in sight?

If I wasn't feeling so guilty and ashamed of myself right now, I would say yes, I was doing all of this with cruel intentions.

I was just so _stupid_.

I was an idiot. I didn't deserve either of them.

They should both just be done with me, because I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I was doing, and I was just stumbling around blindly, treading on their toes. I was hurting them. I was getting everything wrong.

I jumped at the sudden hammering on the door, and froze.

I wasn't expecting anyone. That could only be one of two people.

I doubted it was Seth. He didn't know where I lived.

I was frozen for a second, too afraid to move.

The hammering on the door started up again, louder and more insistent, and continued until I finally leapt off of the couch and ran to answer the door.

I threw it open, to find Brady.

He knew.

His eyes were on fire, blazing with rage and fury and agony.

They hurt me.

They were so raw and so sharp and they cut me, and I bled.

He shook with anger, his chest heaving with heavy, angry breaths, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his hands balled up into fists.

My lower lip trembled, and my hands started twisting together, and the tears began to fall.

"Why?" he spat, and I flinched.

"I don't know," I sobbed, holding my face in my hands, because I couldn't bear to look at him when he looked like that. "I never planned it. I don't ever want to hurt you, ever. I don't want to ever screw this up, but I just don't know… I'm so confused right now…"

I felt his tense arms wrap around me, and I flung my arms around him, crying into his chest.

* * *

**Brady**

Her tears always make me cave.

I'm so angry at her.

I want to shake her. I want to scream and yell at her until I lose my voice and her ears are ringing. I want to demand to hear what's going on inside that head of hers. What is she _thinking_? What is she _doing_ to me? Is she trying to _kill_ me?

Isn't it enough that she wants to be around him, be somewhere without me, be with someone she knows I don't trust?

Isn't it enough that she already kills me, whenever she starts to cry?

But no, she has to kiss _him_, and tear out my heart and rip it to shreds.

How can she expect me to trust her around him, now? How can she expect me to leave them alone, now? How can she expect me to want her around him, now?

She can't. I'm done. I'm done with everything.

I can't _do_ this.

But I'm quite simply, _fucked_. I can't leave her. It's like she knows this. It's like she knows she can push me to my limit, shove me over it, and throw shit down over the edge to land on me. She knows she can break me and break me until I'm completely broken and beyond repair, and yet I'll still love her and stay with her, because the only way to make my suffering worse would be to leave her.

I didn't want to think that of her, but that's just how I felt.

I resented those tears. All I had to do was look in her eyes, and see the hurt and tears, and I couldn't stand it. It didn't matter how I felt anymore. I had to make _her_ hurt go away. I caved. No matter how cut up I was inside, her tears would always make me cave.

If it was any other girl, I'd be finished with her. I wouldn't care.

But it was _Nicole_.

A tiny part of me wanted to be finished with her, and it was already shutting down, but I ignored it.

Sam and Emily. Jared and Kim. Quil and Claire. Paul and Rachel. Jacob and Renesmee.

They worked out. They're all happy, despite the small cracks in their pavements. I want Nicole and I to slot into that list, perfectly, wholly, happy and OK. But we can't just ignore Seth, and every time I think of those people, that list, I feel sick.

How could this _ever_ work? Two won't go into one. I'm stuck in the most insane and fucking impossible situation ever, and I was _so_ sick of it. I couldn't ever escape it. I could only endure, and search for little ways to make it better.

I loved Nicole. I was not giving up Nicole. I would forgive Nicole, because I would not let this hurt I felt push her away from me. I tightened my arms around her tiny, sobbing frame, and willed her hurt away. We'd work this out, somehow.

Maybe my idea was the best option, after all.

* * *

**Nicole**

I felt so horrible. I felt like a monster. I was awful. God… I didn't even have a _word_ to describe how twisted and terrible I was. How could I do this to Brady? After everything? How could I?

Why didn't I just _think_?

I struggled to stop crying, because we needed to talk.

"Will you come somewhere with me?" Brady asked, his voice gruff and quiet, before I could say a word.

I nodded, because after what I had done, I didn't deserve to have any say in anything.

He took me back to Seth's house. The whole way there, I held back my questions, because I didn't deserve to ask any. But I was scared. I didn't know what was about to happen.

As we walked up the driveway, I wondered how Brady must have found out. Seth had to have told him. I wondered, if I would have been able to tell him, and I was scared, because I couldn't answer that question with a sure answer.

I knew Brady had a temper. I couldn't see him taking the news lightly. The look in his eyes had hurt me more than any wound Tyler had ever inflicted on me.

I looked up at Brady, almost too afraid to ask, but I needed to know.

"Did you… hurt Seth, when you found out?" I asked, in a quiet voice.

Brady grit his teeth, and I regretted asking immediately.

"Let's just say, that he's lucky he's a fast healer," Brady growled, and I let it go, even though I didn't completely understand.

I hoped he wasn't too badly hurt. This was my fault, not Seth's.

He answered the door before Brady could knock, and there was no beaming smile this time. His eyes were downcast, and he wouldn't look at me. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel worse, but I did. The skin under his nose was stained with blood, yet his nose looked fine. I took comfort in the fact that at least he wasn't covered in bandages.

For the second time, the three of us were in Seth's living room, awkwardness consuming us. Brady glared at the wall. Seth gazed at a spot on the carpet. I just looked from one to the other, trying to figure them out. Trying to figure out what I felt towards each of them.

"What's going on?" I asked, when neither of them spoke.

Brady and Seth glanced at each other, and then Brady looked down at me.

"Nicole, we need you to choose," he said.

Choose?

"What do you mean, _choose_?" I asked fearfully.

Brady gestured at Seth and to himself. "I mean, _choose_. Between us."

I blinked at him. He couldn't be serious.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I can't choose. That's crazy."

"Nicole," Brady sighed in frustration, glaring at the ceiling, "we talked about this. We agreed. We're no good at sharing. You need to choose and just put us out of our fucking miseries."

I continued to shake my head. Seth still wouldn't look at me, and I glared at Brady.

"No," I said.

I couldn't choose between the two most important people in my life. The only two people that truly cared about me. The only two people who actually wanted and liked me around, because it was _me_. The only two people I felt extremely comfortable around, the only two people who let me be _me_.

I wasn't giving either of them up.

Not Brady, who I loved so much, who made me feel so safe and protected.

Not Seth, who I loved being around, and who could make me laugh until my sides hurt.

They were both too special, too important.

I wasn't choosing between them. No way.

"Nicole," Seth sighed, and my eyes snapped over to him. He still wouldn't look at me, and that hurt. He must be so disgusted by me. He couldn't even look at me, he was that disgusted. God, what kind of a _person_ was I? I really knew how to turn everyone against me, without even trying.

"No, Seth, I'm not choosing," I said, loudly and clearly, hoping to get my message across. They needed to understand. It's not that I _couldn__'__t_ do this. I _wouldn__'__t_ do this.

The two guys shared a frustrated glance, and I didn't care. Let them be frustrated. We'd find a different, simpler solution, one that meant we all stayed happy, we all got what we all wanted. To some extent.

"Nicole, will you please just choose… we can't keep living like this," Seth said, and he _still_ wouldn't look at me.

Oh God. I had to get out of here. I couldn't even recognise them anymore.

My eyes frantically eyed the door, but Brady, already used to my attempts at escape, stood in the way.

"Nic, you have to do this," he pleaded. "I don't want to fight with Seth. We just need to know what you _want_. Please, _choose_."

And I started crying, because I didn't _know_ what I wanted.

"I can't, I can't," I sobbed, my fingers tearing through my hair. How could they make me do this? How could they force me to choose, like _this_?

"This a fucking bad idea!" Brady snapped at Seth, suddenly.

"You came up with it," Seth snapped back, and attempted to move closer to me, his face screwing up at my tears. Brady grabbed his shoulder and pushed him away from me. They glared at each other murderously, and I shook my head.

"Stop… stop it," I moaned. I was so sick of this fighting. I absolutely couldn't stand this anymore.

Maybe this is what they meant. What they needed. They couldn't stand the fighting either. They wanted the hurt to stop, just like I did. But why did _I_ have to make this decision? I didn't know what I wanted. I would get this wrong, surely?

But I couldn't do this anymore, and neither could they, it seemed.

But how did I choose?

How could I?

I shook with my tears. I couldn't give either of them up. I didn't know how to.

Brady was staring at me, his mouth twisting with distaste.

"I can't fucking do this," he announced, and Seth and I looked at him. "I am not going to watch her cry, like that, over me. Fuck it. I'll make the decision for you, Nic," he said, his voice rough.

Both Seth and I froze. I was shocked out of my tears. He looked determined, but I could see, in his eyes, his pain.

"Be with Seth. He'll make you happy, if I can't."

He turned around and started to leave.

_Brady_.

_No_.

"No!" I shouted, shaking my head at his retreating back. He could not leave. _No_. "Brady, come back!"

He stopped. I waited for him to turn around, my heart beating so loudly it seemed to fill the whole room. Brady could not leave me. Who else could make me feel like he did? Who else would keep me protected from Tyler like he could? It couldn't be Seth, because he didn't know, and I couldn't bear to tell him. Only Brady knew, and I couldn't lose the one guy who would protect me from the person I was most afraid of.

The one guy I had ever loved with all my heart.

"I guess…" Seth spoke suddenly, and my eyes snapped over to him. He was finally meeting my eyes. His expression almost knocked me out; it was dead, hollow, empty, nothing. "I guess I know then, who you want more."

I stared at him, open-mouthed. How could he think that? How could he think just because I refused to let Brady leave, that I suddenly didn't _want_ him? I couldn't even choose between them, damn it! I would have ended all our tortures long ago, if I had felt nothing for Seth.

I started to shake my head at him, intending to tell him that he was wrong, but he was turning around… he was walking away… he was leaving.

"Seth," I said brokenly, barely able to choke out the word, but he was gone.

Too late.

I wanted to follow him, but I was crying too much, and the hurt was suffocating me. I could barely breathe. _Seth_. How could he think I didn't care for him enough to want him around? Did he really believe I was heartless enough to just _choose_, and cut all ties?

Scorching arms wrapped themselves around me, and held me tightly. I didn't fall apart, because they were holding me together.

* * *

**Brady**

She fucking chose me?

She fucking chose me.

Hell. Surely this was insane? I wasn't honestly the best choice, even I knew that. Seth was the obvious choice, because he was the pure breed, the guy who didn't swear. He'd give her romantic shit on Valentine's Days. He'd remember her birthday. He'd wipe away her tears, instead of trying to block them out, like I did, because I couldn't stand them.

I just… couldn't fucking do all that. I didn't know how to do it right, and I knew I would just fuck it up anyway, so I didn't bother.

But… she called me back. And she let him leave.

She didn't call him back.

A sick part of me felt elated about that.

Because as I started to walk away from her, the pain of it ripped every inch of me into shreds. I didn't think I was going to make it out the front door. And then she called me back, and it numbed.

Seth had to be feeling that right now, that agony. Poor bastard.

I was enough of a human being to feel sorry for him, because that pain was fucking _painful_.

But it shouldn't be as intense, because he didn't care for her like I did. He didn't love her like I did. He'd be OK.

I was selfish, because I wanted Nicole to myself and he had just handed her to me without a fight, and was not about to give her up. No way.

I would be better for her. I wouldn't make her regret loving me, wanting me, choosing me.

I would get her birthday tattooed into my fucking skin. I'd give her so much romantic shit on Valentine's Day, she wouldn't be able to move for it all. I wouldn't wipe away her tears, because she would never cry - I would make her so happy she would never cry. I'd do anything for her. Even stop fucking cursing so much. I'd give up everything, for her.

But I wouldn't give up on her.

Because I loved her to fucking pieces.

She was my world.

My fucking world.

That bastard of an inner conscience reminded me that she was Seth's world too, and that she cared about him too, and I didn't know if there was anything that would make all that go away.

But he'd agreed to my idea. I thought that maybe if she chose, then things would look simpler. We'd know what she wanted, and the person she didn't chose could just take a time out for a while, until tempers and emotions cooled, and then we could figure some kind of solution out later. I had been so afraid that she was going to choose him, and it had almost seemed like a sure possibility, because she had just kissed him, and was just getting to know him, and Seth was the pure breed. Why would she want the mongrel?

But I honestly didn't care right now. I just held her while she sobbed over him, hoping that she would stop crying over him soon, hoping that she would look up at me so I could wipe away her tears, and let her know that I loved her. So much.

* * *

**Seth**

It _hurts_.

So much.

Almost more than I can take.

But I will take it. She wants him, and I want her to be happy. Of course I do.

I guess… I just got my hopes up. I had half thought she was falling for me. That she'd pick me over Brady.

So wrong.

So be it.

She cared about him more, so I guess I was just going to have to take a step back for a while, like Brady suggested earlier. Let her think. Leave her alone. I had been sceptical, because I hadn't believed Brady would have been able to have taken a step back, had Nicole have chosen me. But it didn't matter now. I was the loser here.

He got there first, I guess I shouldn't have been this surprised, this hurt and rejected.

It's just that…

I could give her so much, if she wanted me to. If she wanted me to love her, I would. Whatever she wanted from me, she could have.

She must not know that.

Or maybe she does, but it just isn't _enough_. Maybe he can give her things that I can't.

But maybe, there are some things he _can__'__t_ give her, either.

Should I dare to get my hopes up again?

It might kill me.

But she could need me just as much as I needed her.

Hope was a deadly emotion, but it was the only ray of light.

Everything was dark now.

I would hope, even if it killed me.

I had nothing more to lose.

I had already lost everything.

I just took little comfort in the fact that maybe things would change.

* * *

**Nicole**

"Nic, stop crying, please," Brady pleaded against my hair. "You're fucking _killing_ me."

I tried to pull myself together, but all I could see was Seth's expression. I had to somehow explain to him that I cared about him, too. But would he understand that I loved Brady, or would he think that I was just some evil bitch with her heart set on hurting everyone around me?

I wouldn't blame him, if he did.

How was I supposed to make this work?

It was impossible.

They both cared about me, and I cared about both of them.

I refused to lose Seth, but I couldn't have Seth without losing Brady, and I refused to lose Brady.

No matter who I chose, no matter what decision I made, we all were still going to end up with scars and hurt and aches.

Nothing I did was ever going to be good enough, for any of us.

* * *

**The Kill (Bury Me) - 30 Seconds To Mars**

**Phew. That was one hell of a chapter to write. Anyway, thanks for reading x**


	11. Can I Have A Kiss

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Eleven**

_I know why you left_

_I can't blame you myself_

_Must be hard living with ghosts in such an empty shell_

_I tried to warn you_

_Been a mess since you've known me_

_I can't promise forever but I'm working on it_

_If I can't hold you can I give you a kiss?_

_Can I have a kiss…?_

* * *

**Seth**

I was feeling quite sorry for myself.

I mean, why not?

_I_ had screwed everything up. This was all my own fault. Brady hated me now, and God only knew what Nicole was thinking of me.

I should have just… _thought_. I don't know why I had to stir the pot. I just made everything so much worse.

It's been a week now, since I've seen her last. I'm surviving. The need to see her was like a nagging ache, dull yet prominent. I couldn't ignore it, I always knew it was there, but I could bear it. There wasn't a moment in which I didn't think about her, of course, but that was nothing new.

I always thought about her.

I didn't think it would ever be like this. I watched the others imprinting, and for them it was amazing and confusing and exciting and scary and wonderful and so many other things at the same time. That's what I had been expecting. Not all this hurt and pain and stress and fear and anger. Definitely not _this_.

This would be easier if I knew what she _wanted_. I would be whatever she wanted me to be, to make her happy. Whatever it took, whatever sacrifices I had to make, would be worth it as long as she was happy. Once she was happy, then I wouldn't have any worries.

But the fact that she was confused and scared right now, was what was screwing me and Brady up. We didn't know what to do, who to be, how to act. We didn't know how to make it better, because we had no idea what would make it worse. We were just… stuck. We waited, hoping Nicole would decide and make things clearer, so all this uncertainty and mixed feelings and signals could all just go away.

It wasn't her fault. She was the last person I blamed. She hadn't asked for this, she hadn't planned on any of this ever happening to her. She didn't know what to do right now, and Brady and I just had to be patient.

If it was meant to be, then it would work out. That's what I believed.

Maybe the three of us could all find a slot to fit into, one we were all happy with, so that this could work.

In the meantime, I was just going to have to be happy with being clueless.

I sighed at the ceiling. My mother, who hadn't any idea of how to act around me now, had gone out, and Leah was avoiding me too. They were all staying away from me, probably because they were afraid to say the wrong thing. I didn't blame them. I really felt like snapping someone's head off.

I _was_ angry. At myself, for forcing things. I shouldn't have put pressure on Nicole, to kiss me, to choose me. I was a little angry with her, I admit, because if she'd make her mind up, then all this pain would be gone.

Did she mean to make me suffer?

The doorbell rang, and I contemplated ignoring it. The second time it sounded, I heaved myself off of my bed and shuffled towards the door, dragging my feet. It could be someone in the pack. It could be Brady to break my nose again. It could be anyone. I didn't care. A distraction would be pleasant.

I opened the door, and my mind went blank because it was Nicole, and she wasn't supposed to be here.

She _was_ trying to make me suffer. It was like she was dancing just beyond my reach, _taunting_ me, but I knew I could never reach out and take her, because she wasn't _mine_.

Brady was right. I had no claim to her. Yet.

"Hi," she said, breathing out in one gush of air. "I shouldn't be here."

I just gazed at her, mesmerised by how the weak morning sunlight was making her blue hair shine, and how she was wringing her hands together, as though she knew she was doing something wrong.

"But you are here," I pointed out, and she pressed her lips together, looking down.

"Yeah, I am," she agreed. Then she stepped towards me.

**Nicole**

The past week had been all kinds of amazing.

Everything with me and Brady was good. Better than good. It was great. I had talked to him, about what happened with Seth, and I explained that it was nothing but curiosity, and I hadn't felt anything for him when I kissed him. Which was the truth.

He believed me, and I asked could he ever forgive me, and he said that he already had. I had hugged him so tightly, because I really did not deserve him. I shouldn't still be confused. I shouldn't be curious. It should be clear in my head as to what I want, and what I definitely don't want.

I know now, that I don't want Seth. In that _way_. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I don't want us to have what Brady and I have, because that's _different_, and _special_. Seth and I won't ever be able to have that, because it was and would always be Brady who I wanted to be with.

Yet I was still confused.

What did Seth want?

I didn't fully understand imprinting. Was I his soul mate? Did he love me? Did he want to be with me?

I didn't have the answers, and I could hardly ask Brady.

I needed to ask Seth, but I wasn't _allowed_ to see him.

Of course, no one had said this to me directly. But the two guys had decided between themselves that this was best. I didn't want to hurt Brady again, and I didn't want to cause more aggravation for Seth. I had already gotten him hurt. Brady had broken his nose. It was healed now, but still… I didn't like violence. I didn't want to be around it anymore. It had been kind of hard to accept how my Brady could do something like that.

But I knew he wouldn't hurt _me_. He _wouldn't_ hurt me.

This whole week, whenever I was alone, I was consumed by thoughts of Seth. I was trying to figure out the solution. I had the feeling it was so simple, so right in front of my face, and I was just blind to see it. I was trying to figure out what he meant to me, what I meant to him.

But I knew I did want him in my life. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted to spend time with him, hang out with him. I wanted to be around him. I just didn't know how it could be possible… I mean, Brady would throw a fit. He didn't trust Seth. And I'd always be afraid, just in case something happened that wasn't supposed to, that I didn't mean for. I wanted the boundaries to be clear, and I just wanted everything to _make sense_. I hated this confusion, and I was drowning in it. It was too much for me to handle.

So no wonder I've gone crazy.

Brady had to patrol. I had plans to sit at home and do my homework and listen to music and stare at the four walls until he threw a stone at my window, signalling me to come outside and let him take me away, to somewhere it was just him and me and no pain.

But once he left, something inside me just snapped.

And now here I was, stepping into Seth's house.

I didn't have a plan. I still didn't know how I felt. I had no ulterior motives or expectations. I… was just here, and I just wanted to be with Seth, just for a little while.

Was that really so evil?

**Seth**

Being with her was both a torture and a release.

Torture, because I knew she'd have to go soon and I didn't know when I would see her again.

Release, because the nagging aches had all ceased, and I felt better, more alive than I had done all week.

Torture, because I knew that once she left, everything would go back to the way it had been, only this time, worse.

Release, because she was worth it all.

We just… sat.

I collapsed on the couch and she sat beside me, and rested her head on my shoulder and I took her hand and held it in mine.

And that was it. That was all that was needed.

We didn't speak. We didn't have to. Questions burned in my head, and I badly wanted to ask them, but I didn't want to wreck the peace and the calm that had stolen over us at some point, because it was the best I had felt since all of this began. I didn't want the answers, the truth, to mess with my head and ruin this moment, this time with her.

We sat until the room got darker, beyond caring about the lack of light. I just breathed in her scent, listened to her breathing, marvelled at how _OK_ I felt… I just was.

I envisioned killing my mother or Leah if they even _thought_ about arriving home any time soon.

Eventually, though, she raised her head.

She had to go. I knew she would eventually. I had been preparing myself for it. But I still drowned in my disappointment and hopelessness.

"I have to go," she stated simply.

"OK," I agreed, because I had no claim. I had no right to demand that she stay just five more minutes, just so that I could breathe her in one more time.

She stared at me, her baby blue eyes unsure and sad.

"I'm sorry, Seth," she said softly. I didn't know what she was apologising for.

"I'm sorry, too," I replied, because I didn't mean to hurt her, or to confuse her. I didn't mean for us to have to resort to stolen moments like this.

She stood up and stretched, and I got up too, only just realising how stiff and sore my joints were from sitting so still for so long. We walked towards the door, and I felt drained.

She turned to say goodbye, and I couldn't help myself. My mouth was open before I could even concentrate on what I was about to say, or how it would make me sound.

"Will you come back again?" I asked, and her eyes flickered between mine, and a spot somewhere in the distance.

"Of course I will," she said, and I breathed out.

There was an awkward what-next moment, but then she hugged me, and I hugged her back, my arms encircling her and holding her tightly and I wished their strength was enough to make her stay with me.

But I had to let her go.

She had to go.

I was unprepared for her kiss, which was why I stood there like a dazed idiot, unresponsive. It was barely anything, just a light kiss on my cheek, so soft and so short and it wouldn't matter, but it was _her_ and it was _me_ and it did matter. A lot.

I watched her walk away, feeling like pieces of myself were disappearing with her, and then I returned to my bedroom and lay on the bed, resuming my staring match with the ceiling.

**Nicole**

The guilt arrived too, once I arrived home.

I shouldn't feel guilty. Absolutely nothing happened that shouldn't have. I just accomplished what I was there for; to check that he was OK.

I only realised my reasons once I left. I just wanted to know that he was OK. Just by sitting with him, I knew that he was. He wasn't bitter or hurting or resentful or anything like that… he was just drifting along, like I was. But once we were together, it was OK, because we could just sit with each other and forget about the distractions and just enjoy the familiar and comfortable silence.

It had been good. My brain hadn't been whirring, with so many questions and puzzles to solve and signs to read… it had been on standby. I forgot about everything bothering me for a few hours, and just sat there with Seth.

There was nothing more to it. I needed the break, and I knew that Seth needed me. I was sort of glad that we could provide each other with some sort of comfort, even if it was only sitting there together, hand in hand. It helped him, I hoped, because it did help me.

But a part of me kept on wondering, with every decision that I made, whether or not I was doing the right thing. I was never sure. It was like an essay or something; there was no right or wrong answer, only your view on the situation. It was so vague. I didn't like it, because there was a line between right and wrong in this situation, but I had the uneasy feeling that this all depended on me.

I was not a good decision maker - that was a fact.

Depending on me was not a wise move, and if Brady and Seth hadn't figured that out by now, then we were all screwed.

And I felt guilty, because Brady trusted me, and I couldn't help but have the feeling he wouldn't be very happy about this.

I really did not deserve that guy. Every time he smiled at me, it hurt, because I couldn't be perfect for him. Ever. I wanted to be perfect for him. He deserved that much.

I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to cease trusting me. I wouldn't tell him I had gone to see Seth, because it would only make him swear and make him angry and I didn't want that. Not after this week, in which we'd been so happy and amazed at how good it felt to love someone.

To me, lying so that I wouldn't hurt him felt like the right answer, but it all depended on your view, I guess.

**Brady**

So I had been wearing a fucking ridiculous grin on my face all week.

I'd been making plans. Envisioning things. Trying to find all the ways that would keep the ridiculous grin on my face, because even though I looked cheesy, I liked being happy. All my plans involved Nicole, of course, and were similar really to what had transpired this week.

Being with her. Laughing with her. Talking with her. Kissing her. Holding her.

All of the above, and so much more, were the reason for the fucking ridiculous grin.

And I'd been happy.

Until to-fucking-day.

Until right now.

Until the moment I walked up to Nicole and realised that I could smell his scent all over her.

She'd been with him.

I waited.

I waited for her to tell me what exactly happened. Why she had felt the need to go and see him. Why she didn't tell me about it. Why she had lied. I couldn't understand it… I thought we had agreed…

I waited.

I fucking waited all damn fucking day, but she didn't say one single fucking thing.

And it killed me.

* * *

**Can I Have A Kiss - Kelly Clarkson**

**AN: Sorry about the wait - my computer is totally broken. Gah. I'll keep updating though when I can. Thanks for the reviews! You're all fabulous.**


	12. Numb

It's been way, way too long. Apologies!! I'm getting back into this now, so expect updates, hopefully you're all still interested :) ... enjoy!

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Twelve**

_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there…_

* * *

**Nicole**

We fell into a routine.

I never meant for this to happen, at all.

It was the worst. I was constantly in a state of fear and nerves, feeling sick to my stomach every morning when it hit me, once again, what I had done. It was quite possibly the worst thing I had done yet. I had let this happen, let it get this far, and I hadn't done a thing to stop it. I hadn't even tried.

Every morning, I woke up, and jumped straight out of bed. Staying still for too long meant that I started to think about things, and it hurt to think, made me sick to think. I got up and concentrated on the thought of Brady, which sustained me until I opened the front door and saw him standing there, waiting for me.

He was always there. I always felt afraid before I opened that door, because what if he had cracked? What if he couldn't put up with me anymore? What would I do then?

But no, he was always there, smiling at me, and the relief was incredibly intense.

He walked me to school, chatting easily, holding my hand, and kissed me goodbye. He never gave away for a second that I was hurting him, and I knew that I was. He knew. I could tell.

During school, I launched myself into my classes, desperate to be distracted, desperate to be occupied so I couldn't listen to my rampaging thoughts. It usually worked. At lunch I actually took interest in my superficial friends' lives, because as they spoke about their mediocre problems, it took my mind off of my own far bigger ones.

The day would end, and I'd rush out of the door to meet Brady, who was waiting for me again. I felt that same relief from earlier, glad he was still there, and hadn't given up on me yet. I was constantly expecting him to.

I wasn't worth it. I was a complete bitch.

Brady stayed at my house for most of the afternoon, until my parents came home. He would leave, kissing me goodbye and telling me I'd see him tomorrow. I really wanted to believe him, but it was so hard; I couldn't see a good reason why he would tell the truth.

Half an hour after he left, I would leave the house, and walk to Seth's. The entire walk there, I counted my footsteps. I refused to think about what I was doing, and refused to think of the consequences.

Seth was always so happy to see me. He'd give me a hug and let me in, and we'd hang out for a few hours… just sitting. Just like we did the first time I snuck away to see him. We didn't need to talk, or anything… we just needed the other. With Seth I felt like I was able to relax for a while; I felt exactly the same with Brady. My thoughts didn't bother me when I was with either one of them.

Eventually I would have to go home, so I told Seth I'd see him tomorrow. I would run all the way back, and race to my room the minute I was home. Then I would play my guitar, trying to learn tricky melodies until I was falling asleep where I was sitting. I just didn't want to lie awake for hours, and think about what I was doing.

It wasn't right. I was going back and forth between the both of them, in a totally dishonest and sneaky way. I couldn't give either one of them up. I needed them both, and I needed them in totally different ways… Brady made me feel wanted, loved, safe. Seth made me feel relaxed, accepted, normal. Every day I just counted the minutes I could spend with Brady or Seth, until I had to return to the other one.

Every day was hurting me, because I knew I couldn't give either of them up. But both guys had made it perfectly clear to me that they didn't want to share. They had wanted me to choose.

I couldn't. No way.

Sometimes I felt so _frustrated_ with them, for putting me in this position. I didn't want to be dishonest with Brady. I didn't want to feel guilty whenever I saw Seth. I had both of them in my life, but I felt like I couldn't give all of myself to either of them, because there was so much holding me back.

And I felt so alone, even though I was surrounded by them both.

* * *

**Seth**

I hadn't expected her to come back.

I mean, why would she? She had Brady. The one she had clearly wanted more. So why have anything to do with me anymore?

For a while, I thought it was pity. _Oh, poor old Seth, he has nobody in the world to love him, maybe I'll visit him and make him feel better_… but I knew that wasn't true. Nicole was a good person. She wasn't heartless. And I think she cared. Maybe not as much as I cared about her, but she didn't have to care _that_ much. The fact she cared at all was enough for me.

But the whole situation sucked. I didn't want to sit with her every day, plagued with the usual mix of feelings that haunted me when I saw her.

Relief. She still cared about me.

Fear. What if she didn't come back tomorrow?

Dread. What if Brady burst through the door at any second, and broke my nose again?

Frustration. Why couldn't this just be simpler, easier? Why did it have to be this difficult?

Guilt. Anger. Impatience. Hurt.

I shouldn't have to feel all this, every day, all the time. I should be _allowed_ spend time with Nicole, without feeling all those things. I shouldn't have to beg or plead or be grateful for what I get.

I felt so much resentment towards Brady, and his _dumb_ idea. I should have known it wouldn't work out. But I was just relieved _someone_ was thinking of a plan, a possible solution, but I should have thought about it more. It was a dumb-ass idea, and it sucked, and made everything a hell of a lot worse. And it gave _me_ the shitty end of the stick.

Brady clearly did not care about how much this was affecting me. All he cared about was himself.

I wished she could give him up. I wished this could be a normal situation, and I could ask her to give him up. But I knew I couldn't, that it was impossible. _He_ couldn't give _her_ up, for one, and I knew what it was like to try. And she loved him. As much as I wished it weren't true, she loved him, in a very different way to the way she cared about me.

Brady got all the _love_. I was just _cared about_.

Resentment surged through me again, thick and creeping and consuming, like molten lava, scorching me until all I could feel was red hot fury, at Brady, at myself, at the world.

I couldn't find it in me anywhere to blame Nicole. At least she came back.

It wasn't right, and I shouldn't have to be, and _damn_ it I wasn't going to stand for it anymore - but I was grateful for what I got.

* * *

**Brady**

Hell.

Why is she doing this to me? Why is she intent on killing me, all the fucking time? Why? Does she take pleasure in it? Or does she genuinely just not realise when she's doing it?

That was almost worse than it being intentional.

I was feeling too much. _Way_ too much. More than any normal guy should feel, or should ever want to feel in his life. I was sick of _feeling_. I wanted to find some lovely drug I could take every day to make me numb, to make all this churning and hurting and aching just fucking _stop_… and make me unable to feel. Anything.

I already had that drug though.

Nicole. Of course.

When I was with her, all I felt was happy. All those shitty feelings were reduced to niggling worries at the back of my head, and it was easy to forget about them. So I did. I just concentrated on how high being with Nicole made me feel.

But of course, all drugs have side effects.

When I wasn't with Nicole… that's when I started to feel things. Mostly anger. Mostly hurt. I became paranoid, I became testy, and it was so hard to ignore all the clashing and clamouring thoughts inside my head, all vying for my immediate attention.

I didn't want to think either.

Thinking and feeling, all that had to go.

So that was basically my fucking existence right there. Avoiding my thoughts and feelings until I was with Nicole, when I could forget about them, and then immediately after I said goodbye, I was back to square one.

I didn't know if I could do it anymore. This wasn't how it should have turned out. This wasn't right. This was sick, and wrong, and twisted, and everybody was getting hurt.

I definitely had the worst deal.

I _officially_ had Nicole all to myself. But that wasn't strictly _true_. She was with _him_, every day. And I had no idea what they were up to.

That smug bastard Seth had won out in the end. Good for him. How could she resist his stupid puppy dog eyes, and his pure breed smile, and all his charm and perfection, after all? Who could stay away from him?

Smug bastard. I hated him. I physically hated him, with everything I had. He was probably laughing at me behind my back, laughing at me for thinking Nicole had chosen me all along, when really it was him she wanted. Laughing at me for thinking that just because I _officially_ had Nicole, didn't mean I had all of her.

It was like we were two dogs fighting over the same piece of meat. We each had a strong hold on it, and neither had any intention of letting it go, letting the other have it.

Nicole wasn't a piece of meat though - she couldn't be halved down the middle and simply shared. It was all or nothing. I didn't see how we _could_ share.

I felt like I only had a grip on Nicole. I didn't have all of her; I only had half. I was battling for my right to the other half, but maybe Seth had that right too. Unfortunately.

I wished I was enough for her.

I wished she didn't feel like she had to give a bit of herself to both of us.

I wished I could have all of her.

I wished I could stop _wishing_, and _hoping_, and _dreaming_, and _imagining_, and _feeling_ and _thinking_ because they were getting me nowhere, and only driving me crazy.

I wished I could fucking man up and walk away from this shit, but _of course_ I couldn't.

I was addicted. I couldn't walk away if I tried.

Every day I wondered how much longer this would go on for. I tried to imagine some sort of happy medium, where everything was OK and I didn't have to _feel_ a hell of a lot more than I wanted to.

My mind was drawing up a blank.

But I knew that my patience was waning, and I had a limit. I wouldn't be able to put up with this for much longer, because this was fucking _killing_ me.

But I couldn't do it just yet. I was waiting on Nicole. She had to tell me what she was doing behind my back. She had to make her mind up.

It despaired me to think that she was probably just as lost as I was, just as confused, just as shit-sick of this situation.

What a nightmare. I have no idea what to do.

* * *

**Numb - Linkin Park. **

**Of course I had to squeeze another one of theirs in :D haha. Let me know what you think, I'll update ASAP! xx**


	13. Sweet Sacrifice

Yay! Thanks so much for the reviews, so glad to hear that people are still liking this! Shout out to Eimear, just because. ;) Enjoy!

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_You poor, sweet, innocent thing_

_Dry your eyes, and testify_

_You know you live to break me_

_Don't deny, sweet sacrifice_

**Nicole**

It was my seventeenth birthday, and I had never felt less like celebrating.

I didn't deserve the presents, or the attention. I didn't deserve to have a happy birthday.

I just remembered Brady and Seth, and remembered how badly I had handled this situation, and I couldn't believe it. This wasn't how things were ever supposed to turn out. How screwed up was this? I just couldn't believe that I had been handed two incredible people, who might save me from this hellhole, and my current mindset, which obviously wasn't the healthiest, and I had done _nothing_.

Nothing.

I just… watched, as it all fell apart around me.

I could have sat them both down, told them what to do for now, and we could keep working on it until we had a situation we were all happy with. We could all be in a constant state of happy right now, but we weren't, and it was my fault. I had confused them, led them on, hurt them, let them down…

And I had no idea what I could do to make it better, so I was still doing _nothing_. Just suffering, and watching them suffer. I was so useless.

I knew things wouldn't go on the way that they were forever, so I don't know why I was surprised when one of us finally snapped.

* * *

**Brady**

I bought her a new guitar.

I bought her a _fucking_ guitar, and she was cheating on me.

She had to be. I knew she snuck off to see him every day. She never said it, nor would she ever talk about him. And I had the feeling she was never going to tell me what was going on. She was going to let this charade continue, pretend everything was la-de-dah and that there was nothing else going on.

She had given me no reason to think anything else. She had already fucking kissed him. Fuck knows what else they were doing.

She was _killing_ me. I was willing to give her anything in the world that she wanted, anything. And she was doing _this_ to me. She wouldn't even own up to it, either.

She knew that I knew.

And she fucking knew that I knew that she knew.

And I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't smile and act happy, and pretend that I was OK with everything. Nothing was OK. I was being taken for a fool here, and I didn't want to do it anymore.

I asked her to choose, and it was fairly obvious to me now where I stood.

I knew today was her birthday, and I knew the timing could have been better, and I knew this would make her unhappy and that was the last thing I wanted to do, but what about _me_, for fucking fuck's sake?

Didn't she _care_?

I wouldn't give her up without a fight, but I wouldn't let her carry on with this shit anymore. I felt like we were in a moving car, heading straight for a brick wall, and there was no one at the wheel to swerve us out of the way. Well, I was going to take the wheel, damn it.

This was one fucking disaster that I was not going to let happen.

* * *

**Nicole**

I was putting my hair into a side ponytail, frowning at the stray hairs in the mirror. Brady was sitting on my bed behind me, watching me.

He bought me a guitar. I cried, of course.

It was so beautiful, and it sounded a million times better than the other one had, and I hadn't even realised that a new one was necessary. It was a perfect present, and I knew I didn't deserve it. The love and the affection and the thought involved behind the present was making me feel sick with guilt.

He had to go patrolling early today, but he said he'd be with me for the afternoon. I had slept in late, since it was a Saturday, so Brady's knock at the door had woken me up. My parents were out somewhere, and I didn't care where they were, as they had stopped acknowledging my birthday by the time I turned thirteen. I didn't expect anything from them anymore.

Brady had presented me with the guitar and hugged me when I sobbed about how much I loved it and then listened as I played Snow Patrol's 'Run' on it, marvelling at how different the sound was from my old one. Now, I was just getting myself presentable for the day, picking out a black puff dress to wear, with purple neon tights. I was just putting a black hair band in my hair, when Brady suddenly spoke, and his words made my entire body cold.

"Nic… don't go to him today."

I looked at his reflection in my mirror, and I could see my expression was frozen in horror.

"What?" I said, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about. While he was away patrolling, I was subconsciously planning on visiting Seth.

"Stay with me today. I won't go patrolling. Just please don't see him. _Please_…" Brady was now holding his head in his hands, refusing to look at me. But I could hear the hurt in his voice, and I hated it. I hated how much I was hurting him.

"Brady," I begged, panicking, not having a single clue of what I was going to say. I just wanted him to look at me.

This was why I had been so terrified of having this talk. I had no response. I couldn't justify myself.

"Please, Nic," Brady cut across me, lifting his head up. His eyes were agonised. "I love you more than anything, and I know I don't say it that much, and I know I'm not him… but _please_. Can't you stay with me?"

I started to cry, typically. "I love you, too," I said, meaning every word. "But I care about him too, I can't just _abandon_ him… I'm so sorry. I never meant to do this. I just didn't know what to do." My voice was pleading, almost for a solution from Brady.

"Choose me," he said, as though it were that simple.

For a second, I imagined it were that simple. I imagined just… never showing up at Seth's door again. No explanations. No goodbye. I imagined the devastated expression on his face… and it really _hurt_ me. I felt so _protective_, I wanted to get rid of that expression forever…

I realised how laboured my breathing was, how dense was my panic. I couldn't do that to Seth. He needed me. I could not be cruel.

My mouth twisted, as I realised how hypocritical that sentence was.

Brady stood up, and I jumped to my feet in reaction.

"Nic, if you go to him, then I don't want you to come back."

The sentence hung in the air, dense and thick and smothering me. I could only stare at him, my eyes wide with horror.

"I can't live like this any longer, knowing you're with him when you're not with me. I just can't do it. It's killing me."

I was panicking again. I couldn't lose Brady. I could _not_ lose him. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I _couldn't_…

I couldn't _breathe_.

* * *

**Brady**

She started gasping, and I knew she was having a panic attack, and I just reacted; I pulled her over to me and held her face in my hands, looking straight into her eyes. There was nothing there but terror and pain…

… and I caved.

_Again_.

I couldn't do this to her. I could see how much I meant to her, and she needed me, almost as much as I needed her, maybe more. I had to take back what I said, because none of this was her fault, at all.

It was fucking _mine_. _I_ made her choose before she was ready. Maybe the answer wasn't to choose at all. But we had forced her to make a decision, just making everything harder than it had to be. Because it wasn't just me who was the one suffering. Nicole was the real victim in all of this. She was scared, she was hurt… and I could see she had been absolutely terrified of me standing up and confronting her, and saying what I just said.

I hated the way she always made me feel like an ass, even when I was so sure I was right.

"Calm down," I said now, filling my tone with firmness and urgency. "Take slow breaths. I'm sorry, Nicole, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it."

She took a few shaky breaths, and stared up at me through those long teary eyelashes, with those big baby blue eyes.

"You didn't mean it?" she asked quietly, her breathing a little less shallow. She seemed to cling to the hope that this sentence might be true with everything she had.

"No."

"Then why did you say it?"

"I thought I meant it. But I can't leave you, Nic, no matter how bad you screw me over."

She flinched. "Screw you over?" she repeated, as though she was confused by the words.

"I don't know what you're doing with Seth when you're there," I pointed out, raising an eyebrow. I wondered would she admit it, if she was cheating. But most of me was just praying that it was something I had cooked up in my head, and was nowhere near the truth.

Her eyes widened when she caught on to what I meant.

"No, Brady, no!" She was choking on the words in her haste to get them out, to deny my accusation. I could see nothing but honesty on her face, and the tightening in my chest eased considerably. "It's not like that, there's nothing like that between me and Seth! We're just… friends, I guess? But we're not anything more than that, I promise you, I would never -"

"OK," I said over her, having heard enough. "I believe you."

She exhaled. "Good," she said, and gazed at me for a moment, a little sadly. "Don't scare me like that again," she whispered, and I felt like an ass for the second time.

"I won't," I promised, shaking my head. "I'm sorry I did that. I guess I just… couldn't fucking _take_ it anymore."

"I don't blame you," she mumbled. "I blame myself. I'm a horrible person, I should have just been honest with you from the first time I went to visit him -"

"Yes, you should have been honest," I interrupted, "but let's just forget it, yeah? I forgive you and all of that."

She smiled a little. I was still holding her face in my hands, so I took advantage of that to give her a kiss. I felt a little better, knowing that Seth wasn't having this part of Nicole, and would never have it.

I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"I probably have to go patrolling now," I said, rolling my eyes at the thought.

"Oh," Nicole said disappointedly, her voice a little muffled as her face was pressed against my chest.

"You… you can go and see Seth, while I'm gone," I said, through gritted teeth, willing to give anything to take back the words and destroy them forever.

Nicole pulled back to look at my face. Her expression was a question mark, and I knew she wanted to know why I was saying this now, what this meant, blah de blah. I didn't know what this meant. Maybe it meant we were sharing, after all.

"I trust you," I said. "But I don't trust him."

"He's not a bad person," she defended him, and even though I knew she was right, it still got to me.

"I don't care," I stated. "I don't trust him with you at all, but I don't know what to do about it, it's not like I can be watching over you and him all the time… this'll just have to do then. For now."

Nicole appraised me for a moment, and then rested her head back on my chest.

"OK," she said.

A part of me wished that she would say _"Fuck Seth, I'm not bothered about visiting him anymore!" _but I knew she cared about him. I couldn't resent that fact, really, now I knew that it was nothing more then friends. Just because Nicole cared about someone didn't make her a bad person. Even if it _was_ Seth.

I don't know where it came from - I was suddenly so afraid that I would lose her to him, I felt the fear root me to the spot. I was saying it was OK for her to see him, but what if this lead to my own destruction? What if, one day, she decided she didn't want to come back?

It scared the fucking shit out of me, that thought.

"But come back," I said, not caring about how wimpy and pleading my voice sounded. "Please come back."

Nicole froze for a second, apparently taken aback, but she answered immediately.

"I will. I promise."

* * *

**Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence**

**Righty people, it's all kicking off in the next chapter, and I'm so excited about it that I'm gunna post it tomorrow :D and so many of you read my mind about Tyler that it was scary :O did you think I could leave it without him getting his comeuppance?! No way :)**


	14. Disappear

Thank you all for reviewing! So chiggity check this one out, yo, and let me know what you think! :)

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Now all those acts repaid_

_Your turn to be afraid_

**Nicole**

I arrived at Seth's house, my guilt considerably lessened. It wasn't completely gone though; I knew that I could make all of Brady's problems go away if I could just stop seeing Seth. I wished I could make Brady completely happy, but then what about Seth? Didn't he deserve to be happy too? If being with me for a little while every day meant both guys were, if not happy, at least _content_… I liked to think it was better than nothing.

Seth opened the door before I could knock.

"Hi," he said, beaming that humongous happy smile that I loved seeing on his face. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks," I said, smiling back. "How are you?"

"Good," he nodded. "You?"

"Fine," I said, automatically, as I stepped into the house. "Me and Brady talked," I added, knowing Seth would understand what I was talking about.

"Oh," he said, both looking and sounding stunned. "How did that go?"

"Alright," I said, deciding I didn't want to get into all of it. "He said I could come here."

"That was big of him," Seth muttered, and I was clearly not meant to hear. I frowned. These guys used to be best friends, but you wouldn't think it now. I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault; if I hadn't have gotten in the way, they would probably still be friends. I was still maintaining a hope that we could work this out one day, and they could be friends again.

"So," I said loudly, trying to fill the slightly awkward pause. "What do you want to do?"

"Whatever you want," he answered, like I knew he would. It was always up to me. That was almost laughable, leaving everything up to me. Because everything was up to me was the reason we were in this mess in the first place.

I shrugged. "Don't mind."

Seth smiled. "You're so indecisive," he said.

"Ain't that the truth," I replied wryly, and even though it wasn't funny, we both laughed.

My phone started beeping. I frowned as I fished it out of my pocket; I only carried it around out of habit now. No one ever tried calling or texting me on it, and I didn't feel the need to use it myself, so usually it was ignored.

I thought it could maybe be Brady, but I had said goodbye to him less than half an hour ago, so I couldn't think of a reason why he would text me. It was hardly any of my 'friends' wishing me a happy birthday.

My blood ran cold when I read the name on the screen. Tyler.

_Where are you?_

Oh no. Oh no. He was here. He was home, at the house, he was _here_…

"Nicole, what's wrong?" Seth asked, sounding alarmed. I realised my breathing was too shallow for the second time that day, and that the phone was shaking in my hand. He couldn't be here. _Why_ was he here? What did he _want_?

My panic elevated when the phone started ringing this time. It was the house phone number, which meant he _was_ home, and he was trying to ring me. I couldn't answer it. If I answered it, he'd know where I was and he'd come find me… even though there was no logic to my thoughts, I was afraid. Completely and utterly terrified.

"Oh no," I whimpered, and all of a sudden, Seth was _there_; his arms around me, his voice just as panicked.

"Nicole, tell me what's wrong, what is it?"

"T - T - Tyler," I stammered, still staring wide-eyed at the phone.

"Who the hell is Tyler?"

"My brother," I said, in a strangled voice.

"OK," Seth said, sounding like he was trying to figure it all out quickly. "Are you afraid of him?"

I wrenched my eyes from the phone and finally looked up at Seth. His eyes were full of anxious concern and confusion, yet they started to calm me down. I tried to control my breathing, to stop shaking. I had Seth. He wouldn't let Tyler hurt me, and that was one thing I was positive about.

I nodded, and Seth's worried frown became more pronounced.

"Why?"

"Because… because…" I struggled to tell him, just like I had struggled to tell Brady. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know how to convey how much hate and fear I felt towards my… _brother_, all at the same time. "He… hurts me."

It sounded so ridiculous when I said it out loud.

Seth's expression was blank for a second, and then it darkened. It almost scared me; I had never seen the usually cheerful, happy-go-lucky Seth look like that before.

"Hurts you in what way?" he almost growled.

I didn't want to answer that, but he had to know. I stepped free from his arms, and pulled up the sleeve of the dress I was wearing, until it exposed the top of my left arm. The scars were the worst on that side.

Seth just stared at them.

"My stomach is worse," I said, in a flat, dead sort of voice. "Whenever he visits, he likes to leave me with bruises and eventual scars. Something to remember him by."

A low growl was rising from Seth's chest, and he looked angrier than I'd ever seen him.

For a minute, I felt utterly safe and protected. Both Brady and Seth, for completely impossible and insane reasons, cared about me, and would do anything to stop me from being hurt. Tyler couldn't do anything to me as long as they were around.

My heart stopped. They couldn't be around all the time though.

I started to shake again.

"Nicole?" Seth demanded, and his scorching arms were around me again.

"I can't go home," I said, trying to dispel the growing panic. "He'll hurt me if I go home."

"I'll come with you then," Seth growled, "and I'll hurt _him_ if he tries anything."

"But you can't _stay_ there, you'll have to leave me alone with him at one point -"

"Then stay here," Seth interrupted, attempting to calm me with his forceful tone.

"I can't, he'll only come back again, he'll keep looking for me until he finds me…" I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing that when I opened them again this could all go away. It felt like he was lurking all around me, waiting for me to be left all on my own, and then he could pounce. I thought I could hear my phone ringing again, but I knew it wasn't; it was all in my head. I couldn't handle this, at all.

"Brady," I said. "I need Brady."

I looked up in time to see Seth's somewhat hurt expression, and it acted as a trigger; I just snapped.

"Seth, I need _both_ of you, don't you get that?! It doesn't mean I need you any less just because I need Brady too!"

He nodded, and looked like he got it.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said.

"Where are you going?" I demanded, the panic flaring up again.

"To call Brady."

"Call?" I said, looking at the phone in my hand.

"Not with a phone."

"Oh." I never wondered about the whole wolf thing; usually the human issues between us were more pressing. It was funny how I was never intrigued or curious by the fact that they could turn into wolves. It was also funny how I seemed incapable of relating to real humans, like my so-called-parents, my so-called-friends, my so-called-brother.

As Seth stepped outside, and I was left with nothing but silence, my thoughts went into overdrive. I was such a weak person, and I'd been one my whole life. I let my parents walk all over me, and treat me like crap. I just let Tyler hurt me, over and over again, and I didn't do a thing to try and stop it.

I didn't want to feel weak anymore. I wanted to confront my brother, and I wanted to do it without bodyguards. I don't know where my bravery, and perhaps stupidity, came from, but I just left Seth's house, not stopping to consider that what I was doing might be completely crazy.

I was determined.

* * *

**Brady**

I banged on Seth's front door with my clenched fist, breathing heavily. Sam had informed me that Jacob had contacted him, telling me that Seth needed me, urgently. I panicked for a minute, thinking Nicole was hurt, and I demanded to know why.

"Something about someone called Tyler…" Sam said, and I saw red.

If that bastard hurt her…

I wanted to kill him again and again for all the times he hurt Nicole. I would not let him get away with it.

So I had raced to Seth's house, transforming back to human at the last minute, and was now waiting impatiently for him to answer the goddamn fucking door.

He flung it open, his eyes wide.

"Where's Nicole?" I demanded, before he could speak.

"I don't know," Seth said, sounding panicky. "I left her in the living room… but she's gone."

I paused for a split second, feeling the blood rushing hot and angry through my veins.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with her!" I growled, and wrenched myself away from the door, running to the place I knew she'd be. I could hear Seth right behind me, but I didn't slow down and wait for him to catch up.

All I felt was rage. I was angry at Nicole, for running straight to the one person who didn't think twice about hurting her, I was angry at Seth for not keeping a close enough eye on her, and I was angry at me, for not being around when I was needed, for not getting to her in time.

But I wouldn't take it out on any of us. No. I had the perfect person in mind for taking all my anger out on, because he thoroughly deserved it.

Tyler-bashing time.

* * *

**Nicole**

I didn't feel afraid. I wasn't sure why the terror had simply vanished, but I was grateful it had. I could think clearer when I wasn't scared.

Maybe it was just the fact that I knew Brady and Seth wouldn't wait long before they were after me, before they were here, and they wouldn't let Tyler hurt me. So I just wanted one minute alone with him, to confront my dear brother, to look him straight in the eyes and tell him I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

He was in the living room, sprawled out on the couch, and his head snapped in my direction when I appeared in the doorway. He was on the phone to someone, and when he recognised me, he smirked.

"I'll call you back," he said, and hung up, just… _looking_ at me. I just stared back at him, feeling every beat of my heart as it thudded against my ribs. "You still got that blue hair," he commented. "Thought you would have changed it by now."

I waited.

"Come sit down," he said, patting the couch next to him.

I felt sick to think that I used to do everything he said, once.

"No," I said, delighted by how strong and clear my voice sounded. "There's not a chance in hell I'm sitting next to you."

His face went blank with surprise, before hardening and twisting into something ugly.

"You'll do as I say, _Nicole_," he spat, his tone sinister.

"Not anymore, _Tyler_," I said, pronouncing his name with the same amount of venom he had used to pronounce mine.

He stood up suddenly, towering over me. My courage wavered a little, and I felt my heart jump into my throat. I knew if he intended on hurting me, he wouldn't wait around. I just had to hold him off until Brady and Seth arrived; I knew they wouldn't be much longer.

"Nicole," Tyler said dangerously. "The little hero act is only going to get you hurt."

"Of course it will," I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "But what doesn't? There's not a thing I could do or say that would stop you from hurting me, is there? You're sick, Tyler. What kind of person harms their own sister, just for the fun of it?"

"You're not my sister, are you, though?" he retorted, sneering.

I didn't even flinch, even though I would have before. Adrenaline was a wonderful thing. It was like a shield, blocking my emotions and making me feel nothing but determination.

"Thank God," I said, derisively. "I'd hate to be physically related to a twisted and evil person like you. It's bad enough you're my brother in title."

He started advancing on me, and I darted behind the couch to the other side of the room, away from him.

"You can't run forever, Nicole," he said, smirking evilly. "It doesn't matter that you've finally learned to stick up for yourself now, with your damaging little sentences." He was sarcastic, almost laughing at me, and I hated him so much I could have attacked him with my bare hands.

He lunged at me without warning, and I jumped backwards in reaction; I lost my balance as my calves hit off something solid. I let out a shriek as I fell backwards, right through the glass coffee table behind me. At the same time as I felt the sharp flashes of pain on my arms and back, I heard the front door bang violently against the wall as it was thrown open.

"Nicole!" I heard Brady yell, and the pain disappeared as relief flooded through me.

I'd be OK. They were here.

* * *

**Brady**

I exploded into the living room, my breathing coming in short, painful bursts. My eyes snapped onto Nicole immediately, who was gingerly climbing to her feet, glass all around her, before snapping onto a weak-looking little motherfucker.

That bastard was going down.

* * *

**Nicole**

Tyler looked wary, and I watched with satisfaction as he eyed the muscles laced across Brady's bare arms and chest with apprehension.

"Who are you?" he demanded. "What are you doing here, in my house?"

"I," Brady snarled, drawing himself up to his full height, "am Nicole's boyfriend."

"Nicole doesn't have a boyfriend," Tyler scoffed.

"Yes, she does," Brady said, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Nice to meet you," he added sarcastically, putting out his hand to shake Tyler's. Tyler didn't take it, which was probably a wise move; Brady looked angry enough to break an arm.

"Where's Nicole?!" Tyler jumped as Seth barged into the room then, shouting. He definitely didn't look very confident now.

"Who the hell are _you_?" he demanded, but Seth ignored him, his eyes on me.

"What did you do to her?" he said angrily, crossing the room in three strides until he was next to me, helping me stand. I only registered then how much my arms and back were stinging, as were the backs of my legs.

"Nothing," Tyler answered immediately.

"You expect us to believe that?" Brady growled threateningly. He was rooted to the spot, his fists shaking, his eyes watching Tyler's every move. "We know who you are. We've seen the scars."

Tyler, for the first time, looked a little nervous. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, arrogantly. "And I didn't touch her. She fell. Tell them you fell, Nicole," he demanded of me, and I just stared at him coolly.

He met my eyes, and I knew he could tell what I was thinking: _why should I_?

His expression became ugly, once again.

"You're a worthless little bitch," he said, and I didn't feel anything. Nothing he could say could hurt me, not anymore.

Brady started towards him, and Seth let go of me, leaping forwards to hold him back.

"Let me fucking go, I want to kill him!" Brady roared, struggling against Seth.

"Control yourself, Brady!" Seth yelled. "Don't do something you'll regret."

"Believe me, hurting this fucker wouldn't be a regret of mine," Brady growled, still struggling, his eyes vicious. Seth looked as though he felt exactly the same way, but maybe holding Brady back when he was this angry was definitely a good idea. The two of them wrestled for a minute, before Brady pushed away from him, having calmed down enough not to launch directly at my brother. I noticed Tyler had backed away considerably.

"I suggest the two of you leave immediately," he said, but I couldn't hear much force in his voice. He was scared of them, and so he should be.

Brady threw him an incredulous look. "We're not going anywhere, buddy. It's you who's going to fuck the fuck off."

"Are you serious?" Seth was saying, at the same time, just as sceptical. "Just leave her here for you to hurt her even more?"

"Oh, what's she to you?" Tyler snapped at Seth, and I watched as Seth's expression changed into something peculiar… it was like he had just figured it out. Before I had a chance to wonder, Tyler caught my attention again. "I don't even know why you're both bothering. She's a pathetic excuse for a human, I knew we never should have adopted her -"

He shut up abruptly, because Brady had launched himself across the room before Seth had a chance to stop him, and was now pinning Tyler against the wall by his neck. Tyler choked in shock, his eyes wide.

"You listen to me," Brady said, his words dripping with malice. "You are going to leave right now, and you are never going to come back and see Nicole. What you've got to understand is, wherever Nicole is, _we_ are. And if we ever see you again, we will not hesitate in taking your fucking head off. Believe me."

Tyler spluttered and struggled futilely.

"If you ever frighten her again, call her again, or hurt her, ever again, we'll know and we'll come after you. And don't you dare doubt that we won't. Is that clear?"

Tyler did something akin to a nod, and Brady let him go. Tyler slid down the wall, staggering to his feet, clutching his neck and gasping.

"Oh, and Tyler," Brady said, in a sarcastically sweet voice. "Here's a goodbye forever present."

He punched him, powerfully, right in the face.

Tyler grunted with pain and held his hands over his nose. "You broke my nose, you son of a bitch!"

"Yeah, he's good at that," Seth said, almost smiling.

"Good," Brady said. "And if you come back here again, I'll break every other bone for you. Now fuck off out of here."

Tyler couldn't leave fast enough, but he spared me a glance before he half-ran out of the door. I gazed back at him defiantly, and I knew what he was thinking… _when did I lose my power over her?_

And then he was gone.

"Shit, Nicole, your arm," Seth exclaimed, and I came out of the haze I had been in ever since Brady and Seth had burst through the door, to my rescue. All the pain from falling through the table hit me at once, and I looked down at my injuries. There was a huge gash on my arm, which was gushing blood.

"Ouch," I complained, and all at once, both guys were at my side.

"You'll need to get to hospital," Brady said.

"Surely it's not that bad -?" I began.

"You might need stitches, so come on, let's go."

I walked slowly out of the house, Brady and Seth supporting me at each side, even though I didn't really need it. I felt way stronger now, and I felt so much lighter, now that my fear of Tyler wasn't weighing me down. I smiled, noticing his car had already left the driveway.

* * *

**Seth**

I've figured it out. I can't believe I didn't see it, I can't believe it took me this long, I can't _believe_ I wasted so much time holding on to what I thought was the only solution…

I know what I need to be.

* * *

**:D**

**Disappear - Bullet For My Valentine.**

**Next chapter is the last one... :( **


	15. Sober

So cannot believe this is the last chapter, I never actually thought I'd be capable of writing this story. It was def the hardest thing I've ever attempted to write, but I'm so proud of it now, and thank you guys so much for reading it! I hope you like the end. :) also, thanks to Eimear, who encouraged it from the start :) xx

**Sweet Sacrifice**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Three months, and I'm still sober_

_Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers_

**Nicole**

I strummed my new guitar lightly, listening to the beautiful sounds flowing out of it. The pretty melody was enhanced by the background noises of water trickling by in the tiny brook, and the wind whistling gently through the trees. I was in my meadow, one of my favourite places on earth.

Brady and Seth were sitting with me, and I knew both sets of eyes were glued to me, fascinated. I was sort of used to it now, the rapturous attention and affection that I never used to think I deserved.

I did deserve it. I deserved them. I knew that now.

It had been three months since Tyler had left my life for good. Three months since I had fallen through the glass table. Three months since someone had finally figured out a solution.

I had nothing to complain about, not anymore.

I hadn't heard from Tyler at all, not a sound. I had been half expecting him to arrive back home at any second, just to get his final revenge, but it hadn't happened, and I was slowly coming around to the fact that it was probably never going to. Tyler was a coward, through and through, as all bullies were, and I knew he'd never want to stand up to my two bodyguards, not in a million years.

So good riddance to bad rubbish.

The cuts and scrapes from the glass table were all pretty much healed now, apart from the large one that almost ran the length of my forearm. The doctor stitched it up, but warned me it might scar, and I just shrugged. What was another scar? At least this one didn't hold a memory of being scared and helpless. It just reminded me of how I stood up to my brother, finally.

I remembered arriving home from the hospital, all bandaged up, Brady and Seth still supporting me. I had totally forgotten about the existence of my parents, as I normally tended to do, since they usually did likewise, but I got the shock of my life when they both ran out of the front door to greet me, their faces pale and worried.

"Nicole! What's happened? Are you alright?" my mother gabbled, clapping her hands to her face as she took in the bandages. My father hung back a little, eyeing Brady and Seth with wary and suspicious eyes.

"I'm fine," I stammered, confused. What was wrong with them?

"We came home and saw the table in pieces, and blood everywhere," my mother explained, near tears. "We didn't know what happened, we were so worried about you!"

I almost looked behind me, just to make sure it was _me_ they were talking to.

"I'm OK," I told them, anxious to reassure them for some reason. "I just fell."

"How did you fall?" my dad demanded, still hanging back.

I paused, and then decided to tell the truth. It was about time they knew now, anyway, now that I was strong enough to talk about it, strong enough to deal with it. They had to know what kind of son they had raised. They had to know the crap I had to go through, just because they didn't seem to care about me like they should.

"I was trying to get away from Tyler," I said, and I felt both Brady and Seth's arms tighten around me in response.

"Tyler?" Mom's face was the epitome of confusion. "He came home?"

"Yeah, he did," I said, "and he tried to hurt me. Again."

My mother started to deny it, in total disbelief, like I knew she would be. She idolised Tyler. He could do no wrong in her eyes. I expected my father to be the same, so imagine my surprise when he suddenly hushed my mother.

"What do you mean, Nicole?" he asked me, his eyes now on my fresh bandages, a kind of horror creeping onto his face. I wanted to burst into tears. This was the kind of concern I had always wanted from them, and never expected to receive.

I decided outside wasn't the best place for that conversation, so I indicated that we go inside. We sat in the living room, me on the couch in between Brady and Seth, my mother in the armchair, my dad pacing the floor. And I told them everything. All about Tyler's sick little games, and I showed them all the scars on my arms and stomach. I could tell my mother still didn't want to believe what I was saying; her expression was sickened by the faded marks on my skin.

There was a long silence when I finally finished.

"How long has this been going on for?" my dad asked eventually, his voice gruff.

"I can't really remember," I answered, honestly. I had always been afraid of Tyler, and I couldn't remember a period where he was just my brother, and wasn't anything to be afraid of. I did remember the first time he hurt me though; I was ten, and he punched me in the stomach because I stood on his foot by accident.

"Why didn't you tell us, Nicole?" my mother spoke for the first time, her voice hushed and quavering.

"Would you have believed me if I did?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. They both summoned similar expressions of outrage.

"Of course we would have, you're our daughter!" Mom said loudly.

"Then how come you never treated me like I was?" I challenged, and they both flinched.

"That's unfair…" my mother began, but there was no conviction behind her argument.

"No, what's unfair is you two bothering to adopt me in the first place," I said, tears pricking my eyes as all the emotion and rage and upset I kept bottled up in me all the time started to rise to the surface. "If you didn't actually want me, then you could have just let me go to a family who would hug me and kiss me and tell me they were proud of me, who were interested in me as a person and the things I wanted to do with my life, who would buy me presents on my birthday - did you even know it was my birthday today?!" I demanded, and the two of them looked at each other, tears rolling down my mother's cheeks. "You didn't even notice what Tyler was doing to me, because you didn't _care_, you just cared about what a perfect son he was, and was blind to the fact I used to lock myself in my room whenever he came to visit, too afraid to come out. What kind of _parents_ are you?" I sobbed, overwhelmed, and allowed Brady to wrap his arms around me tightly, his fists shaking slightly. I felt Seth take my hand and squeeze it, and I clutched on to both of them like my life depended on it.

The conversation that followed was really tough. My parents tried to make excuses, but there was nothing they could say. In the end, all they could do was apologise, and they told me that this was never their intention, and that they did love me and care about me and they had wanted to adopt me the second they laid eyes on me. It was extremely hard to forgive them, having suffered so many years of neglect and abuse, but I tried. And maybe I would forgive them, someday. Right then decided we would work on it, and rebuild our relationships and try and make up for lost time.

"What are we going to do about Tyler though?" my mom said, looking a little scared.

"Oh, don't worry, I already sorted him out," Brady piped up.

My parents stared at him.

"Oh, eh," I said loudly, jumping a little. They had no idea who he was. "This is Brady. He's my… boyfriend."

"Boyfriend," my dad repeated, appearing to size Brady up in a typical dad type of way. I wanted to laugh. This was bizarre.

"And this is Seth," I added, raising the hand that was still intertwined in his. "He's… my best friend," I said, meeting Seth's eyes; he winked at me.

"I see," my dad said, eyeing Seth too. He appeared to be thinking hard, and I waited with bated breath for him to speak. "I hope you two have been treating her well. Better then we did," he added, seeming to realise the irony.

"Of course," Brady and Seth said at exactly the same time, and the tension was broken. Everyone smiled.

My parents raised no objections to my two werewolves, and began to treat them like they had known them all their lives. I was glad they were making the effort, as they could both tell how important they both were to me. It meant more to me than I could ever say, the fact my parents had finally copped on.

Three months later, and things were good. They asked me how I got on in school. We ate dinner together at the table, and talked. They didn't even look up if Seth or Brady walked unconcernedly into the house. My mother sat in my room and asked me to play my guitar while she knitted. My father started teaching me how to drive, pretending that he wasn't bothered when I narrowly missed taking the branches off the bush in our garden for the hundredth time.

It was everything I had ever wanted, and never should have had to ask for.

But I wasn't bitter anymore. I wasn't angry. I was just _relieved_… and every day I found I could forgive them a little more, for all the years I had spent being ignored.

They had all but disowned Tyler. My mother refused to speak to him when he phoned. My father had had a few choice things to say to him, and I had never seen him so angry and intimidating. Tyler stayed away from us, and I was confident in the fact that he would never hurt me again, never leave another scar on my skin.

I began singing the lyrics of the Maroon 5 song I was playing; I wasn't a great singer, but I didn't really mind, and neither did Brady or Seth.

"_I don't mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain… look for the girl with the broken smile, and ask her if she wants to stay a while, and she will, be loved… she will be loved_…"

I stopped strumming, now overly self-conscious of the staring, fascinated eyes. I blushed, smiling up at my two favourite people.

Brady winked at me, grinning. "Voice of an angel," he said smugly, and I snorted.

"I wouldn't go that far," I said, and Seth laughed.

"He's the devoted boyfriend, though, he has to say that," he said, while Brady rolled his eyes. "I, meanwhile, can be honest and say that was completely average."

"Thank you, thank you," I said, bowing and giggling.

Everything was OK between the three of us now. The boundary lines had finally been drawn, and we had finally reached that happy medium. All thanks to Seth.

* * *

**Seth**

I told Nicole what I had realised once she was all bandaged up at the hospital. I had thought about it the entire way there, and the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. My first and only priority was Nicole, so I waited until she was patched up and ready to check out of hospital, before I brought it up.

There was a knowing look in her eyes, so maybe she had caught my expression when it clicked with me.

_What's she to you?_

It was like the million dollar question. A question I was beginning to think had no answer, because it was impossible.

From nowhere, my mind conjured an answer I wanted to throw at Tyler.

_Everything you're not._

And it was true. I was her protector, the one looking out for her, making sure she was OK, hating it when she wasn't; the one who would stand between anything or anyone that wanted to hurt her. But it was more than a friend. Way more. _Friend_ was too loose a term to describe the bond Nicole and I had.

It was more like the bond Tyler and Nicole should have had.

I think I had misunderstood imprinting. I was influenced by all the others who had imprinted before me, and I thought it meant love, marriage, children… a soul mate. That's what all the others had.

But I didn't _need_ that with Nicole.

Nicole had Brady, so she didn't _need_ that kind of relationship with me. She didn't see me in a romantic way, and she didn't love me like _that_.

The reason why we were stuck, was because we didn't know how to care about each other. We were afraid to love too little, or too much. But if I could be like a _brother_ to Nicole, then we would have clear boundaries, lines that did not need to be crossed, lines that were easily understood. And I could love her with all my heart, and protect her in all the ways I could, as her brother.

I had been a good brother to Leah, despite what she might say, and I had been there for her during all that shit with Sam. I knew I could be a good brother to Nicole.

I did wonder though, how much I would be giving up. I couldn't imagine any other girl being more important than Nicole, so how could I ever love another girl enough, to marry them and have kids with them and be everything they needed? I couldn't see how it could work out.

But you know what? If it didn't work, if I couldn't make it work, then it just didn't matter. I would have Nicole, the only person who mattered, the only person who was truly important. I would give up everything for her, and I wouldn't hesitate.

So I told her all this.

I told her that we both knew we would never have anything more than a platonic relationship. I told her that we had messed up, purely because she didn't know who she wanted me to be, and because I had held on to my idea of what an imprint should be. I told her that if she wanted it, I could be the brother she never had, the one she should have had, the one that she deserved.

"Oh, Seth," she said, tearfully, sounding as though there was a lump in her throat. "I think you'll be the best big brother in the world."

And then it all fell into place, much easily than we ever could have anticipated.

It started off with Brady.

I stood in front of him, and there was so much that I couldn't say. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I wanted him to apologise to me. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was, to rebuild the friendship we had so nearly lost.

I didn't get a chance. Brady held out his hand, and I shook it. Nothing needed to be said, or done. After that, Brady dropped all his hostility and mistrust. It was like nothing ever happened, and we need never bring it up again.

It had been three months, and I was in a constant state of happy. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. Nicole came to me when she wanted to watch stupid comedies, or play video games, or goof around. She complained to me about Brady's swearing, and told me stuff that she felt she couldn't tell him about.

And she was so happy now. Her face had lost those lines of worry, and she was always smiling to herself. The most noticeable change was in her eyes. There was no more fear, no more stress, no more pain… they were no longer haunted.

I made a vow that for as long as I lived, I would not see that haunted, dead look in her eyes ever again. She had carried it around with her for long enough.

* * *

**Brady**

Well.

I actually never thought we'd find a solution. I fully expected for things to struggle on forever, all of us stuck in a state of discontent.

When I looked back on the three separate car crashes we used to be, I almost couldn't believe it. It shouldn't have taken so long to get to this point. This could have been easily solved, if only I wasn't so stubborn. I had to have what I wanted, and I didn't want to compromise. I wished I wasn't so bull-headed about things, and was able to sit down and chat, something Seth was a pro at, but that was just me. I couldn't _be_ fucking anyone else.

Sugar. I'll have to put a buck in the swear jar now.

The two of them had introduced a _lovely_ jar with the words BRADY'S SWEAR JAR emblazoned across it, and firmly told me that it was about time I broke my highly inappropriate habit of swearing all the time.

How annoying.

But I wanted to be a better person for Nicole, and if she wanted me to stop swearing, then Brady was going to stop saying bad words.

I'd do anything for that girl, I really would, and she knew it. She just had to turn those baby blues on me and bat her eyelashes, and I was a sucker. I found myself accepting the jar and promising I'd try, even though if anyone else had tried that I'd have told them to flip off.

And Seth, as far as I was concerned… he was just my buddy again. The guy I kind of envied and always looked up to a little, even though I'd never admit it to him. The guy I once thought was perfect in every way, the pure breed… now I could see that it wasn't a bad thing at all, and the way he was didn't make me any less of a good person. It just meant he was the perfect person to trust Nicole with when I couldn't be around, and my mind could rest easy, knowing she was with him.

I had been sceptical of the whole 'brother' solution at first. I didn't think it would work. It was hard to start trusting Seth again, and I kept imagining that he just wanted more from her and was just biding his time, but I know now that it's definitely not the case. He seized the role with relish, and never asked for or expected anything more than that. If I didn't know better, from watching the two of them interact now I would have guessed they were related.

I didn't feel inferior anymore. Thank God. Feeling inferior to anyone was bad enough, but to Saintly Seth… that had been a royal pain in the… bottom.

I knew Nicole loved Seth, and I knew it was brotherly-sisterly. And I knew she loved me, and I knew it was head-over-heels type love.

Sometimes I did feel bad for Seth, knowing exactly what I had and what he was giving up, but I didn't think it ever bothered him. We just wanted to be whatever our imprint wanted us to be, so it was all up to Nicole. She loved him like a brother, so that's what he was.

And voila. There you have it.

Happily ever after.

Or something.

I thought life was pretty good right now. I loved Nicole with a passion, and every second I spent with her was better than the one before it. She was amazing, absolutely everything to me. She still looked at me with that same kind of stunned disbelief, what I had seen in her eyes from the second I appeared out of the trees and walked towards her, on that very first day. It was like she still couldn't believe I was hers. Well, she wasn't the only one, because I still couldn't get over the fact she was _mine_.

And I didn't have to share now. When Nicole spent time with Seth, I could be there too, and vice versa. When the three of us were together, it was like the rest of the world disappeared, and we could joke around and have a laugh and be totally carefree.

Maybe Seth and I had both imprinted on Nicole for a reason. Maybe she was the only one who could make better people out of both of us.

Well, she had definitely made _me_ a better person. That was for sure.

And she was so much happier now, something I was positive Seth had noticed too. She was like a different person. I was glad her idiotic parents had come to their senses, and finally got themselves together, because it had really provoked the huge change in Nicole. She was finally OK. Proper parents, the brother she should have had, and the wonderful, charming, handsome boyfriend.

The tunnel had been full of crap, but at least we had come out of the other side. We never had to go back, so we just had to move forward, and there was no reason why our constant state of happy couldn't continue.

I watched as Nicole began to play her guitar again, her delicate fingers holding it as though it were made of glass, the way her lips were pushed out slightly when she was concentrating, the way the weak sunlight was glinting off her hair…

She looked up at me and caught my gaze, and she smiled.

Fucking hell, she was gorgeous.

Oh, for flip's _sake_.

I was going to be rich by the time I emptied that freaking jar.

**The End.**

* * *

**Sober - Kelly Clarkson.**

**Thank you for reading! Hope you liked :) xox**


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